A Fine Madness
by BendablePoseable
Summary: Collaboration between BendablePoseable & Emera-Rene. Lucas Roe is walking backwards through life when under unforeseen circumstances fatherhood is thrust upon him. What he initially sees as an inconvenience could very well be the key to his happiness.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** A collaboration between BendablePoseable & Emera-Rene. Lucas Roe is walking backwards through life when under unforeseen circumstances fatherhood is thrust upon him. What he initially sees as an inconvenience could very well be the key to his happiness. May change to M rating in later chapters.

He stands on the other side of the gate peering up at the extravagant building on the other side.

It's big.

It's expensive.

It's his.

The neighbours are eying him as they jog by with their perfectly manicured hands and groomed hair, they're staring as they leave their houses in convertible cars to pick their children up from prestigious private schools.

They eye him suspiciously.

They think he's up to no good. He isn't one of them.

He's wearing an old pair of sweat pants and an old jersey top and he has a khaki coloured ruck sack slung over his shoulder that contains the extent of his personal possessions.

They're right. He doesn't belong here.

Five days ago he was on the opposite coast sleeping on an acquaintances couch while he tried to get some quick cash together.

He'd thought the persistent woman knocking at the door at 7am had been the cops. She'd not been there to bust him though.

He fumbles in his pocket, the snooty eyes watching him finally causing him to stop standing like a garden statue.

The piece of paper that he produces is crumpled but he can still make out the digits scrawled down.

He keys the numbers 5-6-9-9-4 into the security pad and then the gates are opening and he's no longer on the other side.

He's no longer the struggling twenty three year old.

He has all of this. It's all his.

He walks up the drive way in a daze.

He'd had nothing and now he has this. He passes three cars. He can see the large stretch of garden that surrounds the property. He can see the edge of a swimming pool. He can see a basket ball court and it's all too much.

He'd not earned this. He didn't deserve it.

The house feels even bigger inside.

It smells rich. Or more accurately, it doesn't smell like a squat. It doesn't smell of dope or alcohol. The air is clean. Everything is clean.

There's a grand piano in the middle of the living room.

The top is littered with sheet music, hand written and unfinished.

They'd been smart, creative and educated and judging by the photos, happy too.

There's pictures everywhere and he's staring at them.

He's seeing them for the first time. He'll only ever see them this way. He'll only ever see them as a picture. He'll never know who they were.

Five days ago he'd not known he had any family but here was proof of their existence on the very wall before him. His half brother, Nathan Scott with his wife Haley James Scott.

_She _was petite, pretty with long golden brown hair and eyes. _He_ was tall, athletic and dark haired and t_heir _son was the best parts of both of them.

As he stares at the child's image his brow furrows. The five year old may resemble his parents but he's the spitting image of his uncle. Only they're from very different lives. This five year old has everything. Well, did have. It's all been cruelly snatched away.

This boy is the sole reason for him being here.

This boy is his nephew and he's here because his nephew's parents are dead.

He's here because he seems to be the only blood relative suitable for the job of guardian.

He's here to take custody of James Scott.

-x-

Peyton Sawyer let's out a heavy breath.

She doesn't know what to do with herself.

She doesn't know how to fix this whole situation.

All she wants to do is make sure he's okay. She wants James Scott's happiness to be guaranteed.

She's standing in the doorway of her guest bedroom.

His small little body is curled up on the double bed, his arms tangled in a adult sized basket ball jersey.

He's not let it out of his sight for the last sixteen days.

It's blue and says N. Scott on the back and his mother use to wear it to bed and it smells just like her.

That smell is fading with every passing day though and Peyton doesn't know what she'll be able to give him when it is gone because Haley James Scott is gone and she's not coming back.

There's a knock down the hall and she hurriedly closes the bedroom door. She doesn't want the five year old to wake just yet.

She peers through the spyhole at the visitor.

She knows who he is. She knows why he's here.

She takes a deep breath before nervously pulling back the latch.

'Erm Hi, I'm-'

'Lucas' She cuts him off, forcing a small welcoming smile. 'Yes. The social worker explained that you'd be coming'

She's hot and he openly looks her up and down, admiring her legs and her welcoming face goes to unimpressed in the space of about a second.

'Why don't you come inside' She states tersely.

He follows her into her apartment.

It's nice.

He feels uncomfortable. She has nice things. He doesn't belong here.

'He's asleep at the minute. Would you like a drink or something? A tea or coffee?'

He shifts his weight.

'Maybe something cold?' She suggests.

'Water's fine' He nods.

She doesn't just pour him a glass from the tap. No, she has one of those purifying things and he gets ice cubes too.

'Thanks' He mutters when she places the cold beverage before him.

She forces a smile and then goes about making herself a tea.

'So' He clears his throat. 'You're a friend of the family?'

'I knew his mother' She declares sadly. 'She was one of my best friends actually'

'Right' Lucas nods, shifting his feet. He didn't know how to say he was sorry for her loss, nor could he relate to what she was evidently feeling. He'd not known Haley or Nathan Scott.

She's looking at him and he doesn't like it. She's looking at him like she knows him.

'They'd put Haley's Mum and Dad down as guardian if anything like this happened, only she's ill' She took a moment to let out a heavy breath. 'She has terminal cancer' Peyton informs him sadly.

He watches her lean against the side board.

He feels a slight pang of sadness for the poor kid. He'd lost his mum and dad and he'd shortly be loosing his grandma too.

'What, what about you know, Nathan's Mum and Dad?' He avoids referring to him as his father. As far as he's concerned he's never had a father.

'Debs past drug record doesn't bode well with Social services' Peyton rolls her eyes. 'And Dan' She watches him tentatively. 'I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this Lucas, but Dan needs heart surgery, unless they can find a donor soon, things don't look hopeful'

Well James Scott certainly didn't have the most cheeriest of back stories. Everyone in his perfect little family was either dead or on their way out.

She misinterprets his silence for sadness. 'I'm sorry, I know all this can't be easy for you'

'Don't apologise' He feels nothing for the man in question. Dan Scott may share his blood but he'd never known of his father. He'd never even met the man, nor did have any interest in doing so.

She's perceptive enough to know not to linger on the subject of his biological father and gladly moves on. 'So as you can see, there's not much choice-'

'There has to be some other aunt or uncle or something, someone the kid actually knows' He stands abruptly. 'I don't even fucking know him' The words tumble from his mouth before he can stop them, his aggressive tone and coarse language making her nose crinkle.

She takes a little step back.

'He has two aunts'

'There we go' He throws his hands in the air.

'Taylor wasn't exactly on best terms with Hales and she's point blank refused to have anything to do with Jamie. Where as Quinn wanted to take him'

Lucas' eyes widen in exasperation. Someone that wants the child? Why was he being hauled into this mess when Jamie's aunt would gladly take him?

'She travels a lot though. She's a photography journalist.' Peyton elaborates. 'Social services feel it would be best for Jamie to stay here in Tree Hill'

'Well why doesn't she just move here?'

'Lucas I'm just telling you what I've been told. Jamie was put in my care until you got here. If you have any issues you need to go and talk to social services, not me'

He pinches the bridge of his nose. 'That's what I've been trying to fucking do for the last seventy two hours. Five days ago I didn't even know I had a fucking brother and now I have to play Daddy to his kid? I can't'

He doesn't understand any of this. He doesn't understand why he's been chosen as the one to take responsibility for this child. He's sure the so called social workers must have his details. He's sure they must know of his past and he's sure his past doesn't make for a good father candidate

She looks at him in disgust and he suddenly doesn't care that she's fucking hot, he just wants out of here and away from her judging eyes..

'If you care so fucking much why don't you take him?' He snaps harshly.

She grits her teeth together because she wants to. She's been trying to gain custody of James Keith Scott for the last four days but she's more or less been told there's no chance of that happening.

She's frustrated and angry and she sure as hell doesn't want this ass to take the little boy from the safety of her home. It's pretty clear that he's not cut out for this or much else by the looks of things. Only, if this man doesn't take him, he'll most likely been thrown into the system and she'll never see him again, something she's not about to let happen.

'I would if they'd let me' She growls back. 'Look, if you don't do this Jamie will be taken into care. He'll move from home to home. He's nearly six. We all know that parents looking to adopt want a baby. He's not a baby. He'll get swung from foster home to foster home. He won't have a family. Do you have any idea what that will be like?'

He turns rigid and his hands ball into fists.

She's scared and confused. She doesn't know this man and she has no idea if he's safe to let Jamie be around but she doesn't feel like she has any other option and she's close to getting to her knees and begging. He just has to be his parent on paper. She can do all the important stuff. She can take him to and from school, she can make him dinner. She can help him with his homework. She can be the one to guarantee his happiness.

'Where's his stuff?'

'You'll do it?' She doesn't disguise her surprise.

He turns his back to her. 'Does he have any shit here?' He repeats impatiently.

He's refusing to look at this as a life long decision. He's just looking at it in stages. Get the child's stuff. Get the child. Leave.

She bites her tongue. She's flabbergasted that he seems to think he can just grab Jamie and go. They've never even met.

She's about to tell him that James is going to be scared, that he's going to have to be patient but her eyes have caught sight of the little figure standing in the doorway.

With his thumb in his mouth and Haley's night shirt draped over his arm, his innocent blue eyes look at the stranger with trepidation.

'Jamie' Peyton coos, a forced, reassuring smile on her kind face. 'Come here sweetie, there's someone I want you to meet'.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **Hi all thanks so much for your interest in this, I know there's been a lot of issues with not being able to see the first chapter but hopefully FF will sort itself out now this chapters up! I don't think anyone is quite as excited about this collaboration as me (Believe me, it took a lot of persuasion to get Elsie writing again) Anyway, basically we're going to write alternate chapters, obviously there's a lot of discussing of ideas/storyline/writing etc going on but so far having two different viewpoints has been nothing but fun! -Emera.

When Peyton Sawyer was six years old she ran away from home.

She'd wanted to go to the park but her Mother had been too busy with ironing and her father at work.

She'd made it to the street corner before she got scared.

She'd sat there for what felt like hours to a six year old but in reality it had only been fifteen short minutes before Mrs Carter from across the road had found her and walked her back. In her childish mind she'd thought herself an orphan for that short quarter of an hour.

Anna Sawyer had opened the front door, her face etched in surprise as her small daughter flung herself into her arms.

Peyton had then proceeded to sob that she didn't want to be an orphan. That she didn't want to run away from home.

Anna had rocked her in her lap and softly told her she wasn't an orphan, nor would she ever be. She promised that she'd always have a mother and father that loved her more than she'd ever know and that they'd be there forever.

It was a promise Anna had kept to this very day.

But now, at the age of twenty three Peyton knew it wasn't a realistic promise. They wouldn't be here forever. Anything could happen. Sure they could live a full and happy life but they could just as easily be taken from her in a tragic accident. Her father could die at sea. Someone could run a red light and kill her mother on impact.

The future was unforeseen.

Innocent people died every day. Innocent people like Haley and Nathan Scott.

They'd been young and successful. They'd been one of a kind.

Everyone had been sceptical of their relationship; they'd met at fifteen and married a year later and the town had frowned upon their young union.

No one had thought such an inexperienced couple could stand the test of time.

Peyton had never understood it. She'd never understood how people could be so judgemental. It was simple to her.

She'd seen it so clearly. Even if they'd been young, their love had been undeniable.

They were naive in ways, yes. But there had never been anything naive about their love.

When they'd gotten pregnant two years later everyone had muttered under their breaths about how they'd just thrown away their future because of their ignorance.

Maybe it had been an accident. Maybe they had been careless. But they'd handled Jamie's arrival with nothing but maturity.

They hadn't ever lost sight of their dreams. They'd juggled their education and parenthood.

It hadn't been easy but they'd gotten through and their success had been nothing but deserved.

They'd been financially secure. They'd been enjoying every second they had with their son. They'd been happy.

And then it was all gone.

In an instant it was taken away.

Jamie was an orphan.

Peyton could remember that feeling at six when she'd ran away. When she'd been homeless for fifteen minutes. She can remember being terrified. Her wild imagination had had her believing she'd have to grow up without her parents.

Jamie couldn't run back home and be swooped into his mother's arms as she had though. Haley couldn't tell him she'd be there forever and Peyton didn't know how the hell to make sure he was going to be okay.

How did you explain to him that his parents had been victims? That they'd not intentionally left him?

'Jamie sweetie' Peyton's hands settle on the little boy's shoulders. 'This is Lucas. You remember what we talked about?' She holds his hands and crouches down to his level, all but sitting on the floor.

His eyes shift around and he gnaws on his bottom lip.

'About your uncle coming to take care of you?' She reminds.

Still he says nothing.

'This is your Uncle Lucas, Jamie'

She's smiling and her voice is all sugary and Lucas isn't surprised that this kid is clinging onto her hand for dear life.

Uncle. An Uncle is a brother of one's father or mother. Your Uncle was usually someone you were familiar with, that you knew. Someone that looked out for you. That came to see you to wish you a happy Birthday. That spent Christmas with you teaching you tricks and rude jokes that your mother didn't approve of.

Lucas is none of these things to James Scott.

He is a stranger.

Jamie shakes his head to demonstrate that simple fact.

'I know this is confusing sweetie' Peyton sits herself fully on the tiled floor now, pulling Jamie's body onto her lap. He rests his head onto her chest and whispers something into her neck that Lucas can't interpret from across the room.

It's obvious to him that she's known this little boy all his life, that they have a relationship, that he trusts her.

'I know' She coos in response to whatever he just confided. 'But I'm going to see you all the time' She assures him.

'I want you to come'

He hears Jamie's innocent little voice this time.

Peyton clenches her eyes closed and kisses the top of his head.

She wants to say yes. She wants to give him what he wants but she knows it'll make it harder in the long run. The quicker he gets use to this arrangement, the better.

'I know' She cups his little cherub cheeks. 'But I'm not allowed to look after you sweetie. We talked about this' She kisses his forehead. 'Besides you're going to get to go live back in your own house and you'll have so much fun with your Uncle Lucas'

He doesn't look too convinced and neither does she as her stare wanders back to Lucas' hovering figure.

He licks his lips nervously. She's looking at him expectantly and those narrowed green eyes have him walking towards them.

'That's right Jamie' He nods and smiles as best he can but it's unnatural and nothing in the way of reassuring.

Peyton goes on to explain all sorts of things to Lucas. She tells him of allergies_. Nuts and dogs. _She tells him of bedtime routines and kindergarten times. She tells him everything she knows and in retrospect, although it seems a lot, it's not. She doesn't know _everything_.

She doesn't know what songs to sing to him at bedtime, nor his favourite story. She doesn't know that he's allowed a chocolate biscuit and a glass of milk before bed. She doesn't know that he's afraid of the dark and she doesn't know of the monster check Nathan conducted every night; under the bed, in the closet, behind the door and only then did he settle down for sleep.

Lucas listens carefully. He's overwhelmed and there's no way he's able to mentally memorise all this information and then she moves onto safety and his eyes narrow.

She's patronising him and he doesn't appreciate it but he endures it nonetheless.

Her voice eventually fades out and before Lucas can get himself in check, Peyton's hugging the little boy and kissing his forehead and promising to see him the next day and Lucas is walking out, only he's not on his own this time. He has a Monsters Inc. back pack slung over his arm and he's suddenly responsible for the little person beside him.

Jamie doesn't cry when Lucas' hand settles gingerly on his shoulder, steering him away from Peyton. He doesn't cry as he's walked out of her house. He doesn't cry as he's put in a waiting taxi.

He still has Haley's night shirt clutched in his hands. When he was a baby he'd had a velvety green comforter with his dummy secured onto a corner and he'd taken it everywhere. Like most children, when he was ready "hugga" as a baby Jamie had called it, was eventually surrendered and forgotten in favour of exploring the wonders of his new exciting world. Now it lived under his pillow and whenever he needed a little bit of comfort it was there for a little hug. Only his "hugga" couldn't comfort him now. His Mother's basket ball jersey had become his comfort blanket and he was in no way ready to surrender it.

It had been a confusing two weeks for Jamie Scott.

He's been bustled from house to house, from person to person. He's spent a vast amount of time being spoken to by strangers that speak funny and smile way too much and tell him that everything's going to be just fine.

The social workers are wrong.

He's five and his Mummy and Daddy are gone. Thing's aren't fine.

Peyton hadn't told him everything would be fine. When they'd let him go to her she'd just held him in her arms all night long.

He's completely silent as they're driven the short ten minutes to the house he's been brought up in.

He's going home.

He's returning to an environment of normality and he needs normalcy right now.

He needs familiar surroundings, he needs to be as close to _them _as possible, even if they no longer exist in this world.

Lucas pays the taxi driver and Jamie hurries ahead to the front door.

Lucas wonders if he thinks he's going to run inside and see his parents and maybe a part of the five year old's mind does think that.

The door is opened and they walk in.

The child is suddenly lost in his home. He clutches Haley's jersey top to his nose, inhaling her perfume that lingers.

Lucas watches his little eyes scan the premises and wonders what he's thinking.

He's remembering the last time he was here. _It's Saturday morning. Haley is playing the piano. Nathan is watching basket ball. _

'Are you hungry?'

Jamie looks up at him.

He's not use to kids. The only child experiences he can relate to is his own. Only he doesn't think his fucked up childhood can be likened to Jamie Scott's.

Jamie's still silent and Lucas' instinct is to yell at him to just speak already because he's not a fucking mind reader but his adult mind reminds him that that's the last thing that will aid him in this situation.

They're both tired. They're both confused. But he's the adult.

He looks at the clock. It's 7pm.

'You must be hungry' He decides, walking ahead into the kitchen. 'Is there anything in particular you like?'

This time he's not the least bit surprised when he doesn't get a verbal response.

'Right' He nods. The kids mute_. Deal with it._

He fumbles through the cupboards, navigating his way around the kitchen.

It's well stocked.

There's no easy junk food though.

No ready made meals in sight.

He groans in frustration.

Cooking isn't his thing.

He settles for a box of cheerios and locates a bowl, filling it with the breakfast cereal.

Jamie watches on with curiosity, his inquisitive blue eyes withholding so many thoughts.

_Cereal is for breakfast time. That's not my bowl. Mummy always gets me the bowl with trucks on. Mummy doesn't give me as much as that. _

Lucas doesn't need the five year old to verbalise his thoughts, he can read his little face. He knows he's not supplying the most nutritious nor exciting of dinners but he's not equipped in producing wonderful home made delights. So he ignores Jamie's confused expression and holds the bowl out to him.

Jamie cautiously takes it in his small hands and walks away into the living room.

Lucas follows.

They sit at opposite ends of the large leather sofa.

Silence.

Jamie toys with his food, slipping his digits in and out of the cheerio rings.

He doesn't eat any.

'You wanna watch TV?'

Lucas breaks the eerie quiet.

He flips through the hundreds of channels. There's nothing kid appropriate on so he settles for the sports channel.

Lucas sighs and scratches the back of his head. He opens and closes his mouth, looking for words to say but he doesn't know what to say to kids. He doesn't know what they like to talk about.

He is so completely out of his depth.

When his wavering eyes return to the little boy, Jamie's fallen asleep. He's still sitting on the sofa but his little head has dropped forward. His hands are in his uneaten bowl of cheerios and he's still wearing his jacket.

It takes a lot to break through Lucas's hard exterior but as he sits at the opposite end of the chair to his nephew he experiences something.

He's ashamed.

He's regretting his decision already because Peyton Sawyer's earlier judging eyes and patronising tone are all justified.

She's right in her judgements.

He's never been responsible for anyone or anything but himself.

He's ashamed because it's not even been half an hour and the kid is past out with his coat still zipped up to his neck and his hands in a bowl of soggy cereal. His cheeks are flushed red and his neck bent and Lucas feels completely inadequate because he's not right for this job.

He stares at the small hunched figure and sees himself.

It's beginning to freak him out how similar James Scott is to himself. He's like a clone.

Only when Lucas was his age his hair wasn't neatly trimmed, it was long and unkempt and his clothes weren't from a designer store, they were old hand me downs.

They may be related. They may look related but Lucas was sure that was where the similarities ended.

He pushes himself from his seat and hesitantly makes the two paces over to Jamie. Carefully, he pries the bowl from his hands and sets it on the coffee table. Jamie doesn't move. He's exhausted and again doesn't so much as stir as Lucas lifts him into his arms and goes in search of a child's room.

Jamie's heavy breaths tickle his neck and his dangling, floppy arm sways as they ascend the stairs.

He soon finds a white door with blue wooden letters spelling out James.

The room is everything a child could ever want. It's big. It's green. The bed is dressed in truck bedsheets and the curtains match and there's toys and books.

Lucas perches on the bed and awkwardly removes Jamie's shoes and then his coat, struggling to get his limbs through the arm holes.

Despite his floundering fingers, Jamie doesn't wake but Lucas doesn't dare to undress him any further. He doesn't want to frighten him and sleeping in his day clothes won't harm him.

So he pulls the covers back and lays his head sandy blonde hair against the pillow.

As Lucas' eyes sail over every inch of Jamie, he fosters a glimpse at the life he could have had, had he been put into his biological father's care.

He could have had a room just like this. He could have lived down this very same street.

Only he hadn't. He'd had a very different upbringing and with that thought Lucas realises that he's dismissed something he does have in common with this five year old. Perhaps the most significant similarity. Perhaps the whole reasoning behind his brazen decision to be here.

Neither one of them has any parents.

And that parallel is bigger then any physical resemblance. It's binding.

And despite his ignorance and incompetence at parenting, he's the only one that can fully understand how alone Jamie feels.

On paper he's most definitely not the best choice. But, he's the only one that can relate to the abandonment Jamie's surely feeling, he's perhaps the only one that can help in Jamie's recovery from such trauma.

He's yet to realise it, but he's the five year old's very best chance.


	3. Chapter 3

It's three o'clock in the morning.

Lucas is lying in the plush guest room.

He can't sleep.

Maybe it's because he's not use to such comfort.

He tosses one of the many pillows to the floor. People with money like pillows.

He wriggles onto his front in an effort to get comfortable, groaning when another soft cushion gets in his way.

He groans, sitting up with a huff and that's when he realises that he's not quite alone.

'Shit' He jumps, startled by the pair of blue eyes peering up at him.

He clears his throat and shuffles his body round. 'Jamie, you made me jump kid' He smiles uneasily. 'What's up? Is something wrong?' He asks, noticing the tear stains marring the little boy's cheeks. 'What's up?'

'I, I need Mummy's shirt'

Lucas swings his legs over the mattress and pushes the covers away.

He understands instantly. The article of clothing that was his Mother's has become a comfort blanket of sorts and apparently he cannot be without it.

'Okay. It's alright. We'll go find it. It's probably downstairs' He welcomes the distraction from his inability to find sleep.

Jamie sniffles and hesitantly slips his little hand into Lucas' outstretched one.

Lucas finds the hall light and cringes as the brightness assaults his eyes.

They don't speak.

Sure enough the object in question is found on the sofa where Jamie had earlier fallen asleep.

He releases Lucas' hand, quickly retrieving the article he'd awoken pinning for. He drapes it over his shoulder and holds the collar over his nose.

It amazes Lucas how such a commodity could bring such relief and comfort.

'Okay buddy?'

Jamie's tired droopy eyes flicker and he nods wearily.

'Lets get you back into bed'

Lucas walks slightly behind the exhausted five year old, his hand naturally coming to rest on the child's back as his feet begin to falter on the staircase, dragging beneath him.

Lucas wonders if he should lift him and carry him the rest of the way but he's only known the kid for less than twenty four hours, he's yet to know what Jamie would and wouldn't be comfortable with. So instead he tells him that they're nearly there and sure enough they reach his bedroom just seconds after.

Jamie hovers in the doorway while Lucas pulls back the covers, urging him to clamber back into bed.

Jamie dawdles towards him.

The truck bed sheets are notably damp though and Lucas halts him from climbing onto the mattress.

On closer inspection he can see a sodden patch on the pale blue bottom sheet.

He exhales heavily. The kids wet himself.

Jamie tries to get back into his bed, clearly intent on ignoring his accident.

'Buddy, lets find you some pyjamas okay?' Lucas puts his hand on Jamie's back and guides him away from the soiled bed.

It doesn't take him long to locate a pair of clean pyjama bottoms in the draws of children's clothing.

He doesn't address the accident. He can remember wetting the bed when he was little. He can remember not telling anyone. He can remember being scolded. He can remember being told he was a baby.

'There. You okay?' He smiles down at the sleepy infant, assuring him that everything's okay and that he's not in the slightest bit angry.

Jamie nods and yawns.

It's late and Lucas hardly feels like stripping the bed and going in search of clean sheets and the kid can barely keep his eyes open.

'You wanna come and sleep in my bed?' He's sure there's several other bed's he could settle him in but Jamie's clearly _unsettled _and something tells him he's going to be getting up and down all night to the frightened five year old.

Jamie nods, relief clear on his little features. He doesn't want to be by himself, even if the company is a stranger.

-X-

A relentless tugging at his arm is what wakes Lucas the next morning. Only it's not morning. It's nearing midday.

He's not surprisingly confused and disorientated but he's quick to get his bearings as he takes in the little person peering at him.

Jamie's hair is sticking up in all directions and he's still clad in his pyjama's and Lucas wonders how long he's been awake.

'Ders someone at the door' He quietly informs the startled adult. 'I'm not allowed to open the door' He further elaborates.

Lucas nods. 'Yeah, that's, that's wise. Good call' He mutters, dragging himself from the warmth of the bed.

Sure enough he soon hears a loud doorbell chiming below with a encore of knocks and he fleetingly wonders how he didn't wake at such noise.

Jamie follows him down the staircase, his blue shirt being dragged behind him.

They pass a trail of plastic dinosaurs as they go. He's been up for several hours, for which he's spent the most part playing on the stairs. A safe zone. He's too scared to venture to the ground level by himself.

Lucas is with him now though and he contentedly hops off the bottom step onto the cold marble, his tummy rumbling. He's not eaten all morning and he wants to go and sneak a biscuit from the biscuit tin but he's also eager to know who their visitor is. _Maybe it's Mummy and Daddy. _

Lucas has a good idea who their visitor is and isn't the least bit surprised when he pulls back the lock.

She'd promised to come by tomorrow and today was tomorrow.

'Oh thank god' Peyton exhales when she's finally granted access. She hurries into the house and wastes no time in wrapping her arms around Jamie. 'Are you okay honey?'

He nods into her neck, clearly startled by her fierce hug.

She glares at Lucas and it truly astonishes him how much she can say without words. She's asking him why the hell he's left her standing on the front door step for the last forty minutes. She's asking why he didn't pick up the house phone. She's wondering what the hell he's been doing. She's wondering why Jamie's still in his pyjama's. She's wondering if he's been fed.

He opens and closes his mouth but she's not interested in his answers. She's made up her own.

'Come on Jimmyjam, you must be starving'

She's brought shopping with her. There's all kinds of food in the brown bags and flowers too.

Lucas watches with confusion as she sets the bright and cheerful sunflowers in a vase on the kitchen counter.

She makes Jamie a healthy and most nutritional breakfast and the five year old actually smiles and hums appreciatively while he munches on the array of fruit.

She baths him and helps him get dressed after and when she comes back downstairs she's carrying the dirty bed linen.

She puts them in the washing machine and then disappears to go make the beds.

She's non stop. She spins from room to room doing the little things that she doesn't think Lucas will think of doing and all the while she's playing with Jamie too and magically keeping him entertained.

'There's a social worker coming at 2'O clock' She tells Lucas when she reappears in the kitchen to transfer the bed things into the tumble dryer.

He looks up from the coffee he's nursing. He's so tired. 'Social worker?'

'To check up on Jamie and you, to see if this can work'

He instantly feels sick. He's seen enough of these people over the last few days. He hates them. They came to him for help, they're the ones that asked him to do this and yet they treat him like he's the bad guy.

She's gone again before he can ask any more questions.

He sighs. He gets why she's being cold. He's not exactly made the best impression or shown that he can do this. She turned up to find the kid still in pyjama's, unfed and his bed soiled.

He drags a hand over his forehead. He's tired and wants to sneak off back into bed.

'Where's Peyton?'

He looks up from the kitchen counter.

Jamie's standing in the doorway, rocking back and forth on his feet as he awaits an answer. Predictably, there's a puddle of blue material hanging from his left hand, while his other grips onto a book.

'Er, I'm not sure, what's up?'

'I wanna story' He holds up the colourful hard back.

'Right' He nods. 'Why don't you go take it back in the living room and I'll go find her for you?'

He knows the sensible thing would be to offer to read it to him himself, considering all the stuff she's already done but reading isn't he's strong suit and even though the kids only five he can't be dealing with being humiliated.

'Okay?'

Jamie gives him a dutiful little nod and obediently disappears back into the lounge.

As he goes in search of the curly haired blonde, he wonders what the outcome of the social worker's visit will be. A part of him both hopes and expects it to be decided that in this case Jamie is best to be placed in Peyton Sawyer's care and not with a blood relative that he doesn't know.

He could be back living his old life by morning.

Only he doesn't want his old life. Not when he has the option of all of this.

He eventually finds her. The furthest door on the landing is ajar. He's not been in there.

He gingerly pushes it further open and she jumps.

Her face is red and splotchy and a tear races down her cheek.

'Er, sorry' He mutters. 'I didn't mean to...Jamie's asking for you'

'Right' She shields her face from him, furiously wiping her eyes and then she's standing up and brushing past him.

She's gone.

He loiters in the doorway as though he's trespassing. He supposes in a sense he is.

This is _their_ room, or was _their_ room.

He can smell a girlish fragrant lingering in the air and he thinks it smells nice. It smells how he'd imagine a mother to smell. It smells pretty and safe and nurturing. It smells of Haley James Scott.

There's a scattering of photographs on the bed.

It's what Peyton had been looking at just moments before. It's what lures him further into the room that he has no right stepping into.

There are wedding, high school and childhood photos.

He wonders if they were as in love as they look in these images, or if it was all just a façade. He wonders if their love grew stale and they just had to keep up pretences for their son.

He homes in on one of the high school snaps, the boys are dressed in basket ball kits and the girls in cheer outfits.

He spots Peyton standing next to _her. _They're both wearing short skirts but Lucas can only seem to focus on Peyton's and how long her legs are. He wonders if she ever wears anything this short now. He hopes so.

And then he shakes his head, his stare returning to seeing both girls, to see their arms around each other. They were friends and Peyton's clearly hurting right now and he's wondering if he'll be privileged enough to see any of her flesh.

He's a dick.

He needs to get his mind out of the gutter.

So far, he's not exactly warmed to her. Yeah she's hot, but she's also a stuck up bitch as far as he's concerned.

He knows what she thinks when she looks at him and he reminds himself that he doesn't care what she's going through or how close she was to Haley and Nathan Scott.

He drops the photo back onto the pile and walks back out, closing the door behind him.

He won't step foot in that room again.

-x-

The social worker has arrived.

Her name is Denise.

Denise talks a lot. She asks a lot of questions.

Then she politely asks Peyton if she can speak to both Lucas and Jamie alone.

Neither one of them are happy to see her exit the room.

They're on their own with her now.

She's got greying hair, pulled back flat against her head into a neat bun.

She's wearing glasses on the tip of her nose and her eyes divert from the papers in her hand to peer over the frames at her awaiting subjects.

She smiles too much when she addresses Jamie and he sinks further and further into his chair.

Lucas doesn't get a smile.

He feels like he's eight years old again. He's thrown a football through his foster parents window. It was an accident but he's had a lot of accidents under the Mckenzie's roof. He _accidentally _left their darling daughter's rabbit cage open. Poor Poppy's bunny was never to be seen again. He _accidentally _kicked Mr Mckenzie in the shin when he was encouraged to try harder at school. He _accidentally _dismembered Poppy's barbie dolls. He _accidentally _dragged Mrs Mckenzie's house keys along their brand new car. It was one accident too many.

Anita the social worker hadn't been happy. She'd worked so hard to find him a nice family and she'd been sure to tell him so. She didn't understand why he tried so hard to screw things up. Anita hadn't been long out of college. Anita had been yet to get to know how kids like Lucas worked. She hadn't been able to relate to his life. She'd been provided for and loved her whole life. She hadn't been able to see that he expected to be chucked out. She couldn't see that he was pushing the boundaries because he knew nobody could ever love him and he didn't see the point in hanging around.

Denise may be interrogating him now and looking at him like he's inadequate but she's not the same as Anita had been.

She get's how this works. She's nearing her fifty's. She's been doing this forever. She knows the child's never to blame. She knows it's not Jamie's responsibility to make this work, she knows it's Lucas'.

'So you understand? Obviously all the Scott's financial assets have been left to James so you won't have to worry about providing for him financially'

She's given him a load of documents. She's organised appointments for him with the bank, with Jamie's kindergarten, with Jamie's doctor and she suggests he sees a psychiatrist considering the trauma he's been through. She also suggests that he throw Jamie back into a routine to establish a sense of normalcy.

He nods with the bewilderment of a child who's been given too much information at once.

Denise adjusts her spectacles on her nose. 'We'll review this arrangement in a few months and when we feel confident this is the right choice for James we can discuss how to move forward and the option of official adoption'

She slides a form in front of him. 'By signing this you're agreeing to be this child's guardian and caregiver and accepting full responsibility for his well being'

He thinks it sure as hell sounds like an official adoption already.

His hand shakes as he picks up the pen.

This isn't binding. This isn't binding. He repeats it over and over. He wants a get out clause just incase. He's not ready for this to be final.

'Do you accept these terms of temporary guardianship Mr Scott?'

He scribbles his name across the dotted line.

He accepts.

Jamie's disinterested by all the grown up talk. He's migrated to the floor, idly lining up his toy cars. He does it quietly and almost robotically, as though he's going through the motions of being a child but he's forgotten how to really do it.

Denise rises.

She wishes them all the best.

Peyton reappears and it's clear she's been eaves dropping on the entire exchange. She leads the social worker out as though this is her house. They speak in hushed voices in the foyer and Lucas wonders if Peyton's already dishing out the dirt on him and urging this woman to reconsider.

When she returns though, she smiles at him and it's thankful and sincere and maybe she's not the stuck up bitch after all.

But then, as quick as it's there, it's gone. Her face scrunches up. It's as though something's just occurred to her.

'I hope you're not doing this for the money because it's not yours. It's _theirs. _It's Jamie's. You're not entitled to a penny of it and I'm not going to let you throw away everything they worked for, worked for, for him' She says quietly but fiercely.

He clenches his teeth together. Stuck up bitch is back. She's looking at him like he's scum again.

He's been given that look all his life and it still doesn't hurt any less but he's pretty adept at hiding his feelings.

But maybe what's pissed him off most is that maybe her assumption is spot on. Maybe he is here for that only.

'It's getting late' He states politely. 'You've probably got things to be doing'

He's telling her to leave without actually saying the words.

Her eyes narrow.

'I was going to make Jamie some dinner' She retorts, challenging him to protest.

He protests. 'I've got it' _Or not quite got it. _He wonders what the hell he can put together that the kid will actually eat.

She's crossed her arms and he knows she wants to yell and loose her temper but she's too stubborn to let him win and she's not about to start cursing at him in front of Jamie.

'Jamie will you be alright if I go now?' It's a question that she's willing the answer to be a negative because if Jamie says he wants her, Lucas will have to deal but then she realises how childish she's being. 'I've got to get going' She rewords. She can't let her dislike for Lucas affect this innocent boy. She has to try and make this work for him even if she detests that she's got to put up with listening to a man that should have no say what so ever. She should be making the rules, she's known Jamie since he was four hours old, only she doesn't get to make the rules. Lucas shares his blood and that unfairly so, gives him the right to call the shots.

Jamie's not all that impressed. Peyton's presence makes him feel safe. He gets fed and hugged and played with when she's around.

'I'll ring you up to say good night okay?' She appeases his long face. 'You be good' She ruffles his uncooperative hair and gives him a goofy smile.

She leaves and a silence looms.

Jamie stares at him. Lucas stares back.

'How do you feel about take out pizza Jamie?'

The child wonders if it's a trick question.

'I always have the extra extra cheesy one?' His eyes have lit up at the prospect. His Mummy and Daddy only got take out on special occasions. This wasn't a special occasion.

'Whatever you want buddy'

'I like the extra extra cheesy one' He repeats.

They venture into the kitchen together, in search of a take out number.

Jamie finds it.

Lucas dials and Jamie smiles up at him as he orders two extreme cheese pizzas. And it may be little but that little smile makes Lucas realise that he's here for Jamie, not to reap the benefits of his half brother's death, not for the money but for Jamie and he can only hope he doesn't screw it up.


	4. Chapter 4

He walks Jamie to the gate.

The building looks happy, if that's even possible. It's not like any of the schools he ever attended.

There's big gates and white fencing, safely penning the children in. There's no litter, it's well kept and there's a brightly painted mural on the wall of children holding hands.

He can see the kids through the large windows. He can see them all intently listening. He can see the teachers. The teachers are smiling here and the kids are learning here.

Jamie doesn't say a word, he makes his way into the familiar building without so much as a glance over his shoulder, leaving his guardian standing at the entrance.

Lucas scratches the back of his neck.

The child is safe inside now.

He thinks he probably should have gone in, he thinks he probably should still go in. He should probably go and explain to Jamie's kindergarten teacher why their pupil is so late. For all he knows they may not even have been informed for the reasoning behind Jamie's absence as of late. That was probably something they'd want to know.

Only Lucas isn't interested in being interrogated by yet another professional. It's what he's been doing all morning.

He wants to run away and go back to the world he's come from. He doesn't belong here amongst the rich and privileged. He doesn't understand the rules of parenting. He doesn't like that he has to do things for someone other than himself. He's never done anything for anyone but himself before.

He's been in a psychiatrist's office for the most part of the morning. He hates those places. Jamie's not crazy so he didn't get why that social worker woman had organised a meeting.

The shrink, like Denise, had been overly smiley with Jamie.

Lucas wasn't fooled by it.

Jamie liked her though. Jamie liked her soothing voice. He liked the pile of toys in the corner of her office. He liked the tall jar of jelly beans that sat on her desk but most of all he liked the glass wall that contained magical tropical fish.

Doctor Sanders asked Lucas how Jamie was holding up. Lucas had shrugged and nodded all at once, mumbling that he was fine as far as he could tell. He couldn't exactly tell a lot though, considering he'd only been acquainted with the child for little under seventy two hours.

Whilst the five year old had stood across the spacious office, following the glowing fish around with his finger, Doctor Sanders had discreetly told Lucas of typical things to expect from a child like Jamie.

A child like Jamie. Lucas thought she said it like he was a different kind of species. A child like Jamie.

He'd felt a unfamiliar pang of regret for Jamie. Lucas, after all, knew without a doubt that he too would have been most definitely categorised as a child like Jamie.

Like his uncle, he will forever more have a damaged record. This incident will follow him through school, college and beyond. People will read his file, they will look at him with pity because at the end of the day, Jamie Scott had been dealt a bad hand of cards and would from now on be classified as a damaged kid.

Things that you could expect from a child like Jamie; Anger. Sadness. Reclusive behaviour. Shouting. Unresponsive. Aggression. Crying. Separation anxiety. Bed wetting. Night terrors.

Doctor Sanders also assured him these were all things she would help them work through, that she could fix, that this behaviour was normal and perfectly healthy for his recovery from such trauma.

Lucas knew you couldn't fix what was already broke. He didn't voice his opinion. He got through the meeting pretty much in silence and when she asked if she could speak alone to Jamie he begrudgingly left the room.

He didn't know why he held such animosity for this woman, considering he didn't know her and most importantly, considering she was only trying to help.

The simple fact was, that he didn't trust anyone. He'd been taught from a young age that people didn't offer help unless they wanted something in return.

* * *

'Darling?'

'Hm?' Peyton looks up dazedly.

They're sitting in a local cafe.

A cinnamon bun lays uneaten on a plate before her and her hand idly stirs her cup of coffee.

'Peyton' The older woman scorns. 'You've been staring out the window for the last fifteen minutes'

'I'm sorry Mum' She forces a smile. 'I'm fine'

'If only that were true' Anna Sawyer rolls her eyes knowingly, simultaneously confiscating the teaspoon from her daughters hand. 'Look at you, you're a fidgeting mess'

Peyton flattens her hands out against her thighs.

'I've just got a lot to do at work' She glances at the clock on the far wall. Her lunch break is up in twenty minutes.

'You always forget that being your mother allows me to know when you are and aren't lying. And now, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, you're lying'

'Not lying _Mother_, just not wanting to talk about it'

Anna's hand find's her daughters beneath the table and the concern etched on her face has Peyton sighing. That _look_ always worked on her.

'It's Jamie, I'm just worried about Jamie' She relents.

Anna squeezes her fingers soothingly and smiles sadly.

Unlike her daughter, her hair is straight and pinned back neatly on one side. Her eyes are blue and she has a scattering of freckles across her nose. She's what Peyton always describes as pristine and immaculate. There's never a hair out of place, never a crinkle in her clothing and she does it all so effortlessly. She always looks like a living breathing Stepford housewife. She's a wonderful cook but she doesn't like cleaning or tidying. She doesn't spend her days cooped up inside. She works a couple of days in the little local cafe they're sat in, creating exquisite hand crafted cakes. The rest of the time she can be found in the garden fending after her flowers and vegetables.

'I know it's awful baby, but he's not your responsibility' Anna tells her gently.

'Haley was one of my best friends Mum'

Anna's eyes well. Haley James fluttered in and out of her home from the age of eight. She was family.

'I know and that little boy will always, always be welcome in our home but you're going to make yourself ill worrying'

'He's got no one Mum and now this distant relative, this stranger has come into his world who hasn't got a clue how to raise a child'

'Sweetheart. That isn't true. He's got us and you don't know this man' She contends. She knows how her daughter feels about the situation. She knows her daughter feels like she should be the one caring for the five year old in question and she knows, had she herself been several years younger she may have also fort to take the little boy into her arms and bring him up as her own. But despite the love she would always bestow for the Scott's, she had years of wisdom and was able to look at the situation rationally. She could see Peyton's life, her daughter's path and as her mother she ultimately wants what's best for Peyton. She wants her child to have her own life, to live her dreams to fall in love and have her own children. Selfish it may be, she doesn't want Jamie to be landed in her daughter's care. She wants motherhood to be a choice for her daughter. She wants her to be in a stable relationship, she wants everything a mother wants for her only daughter.

Peyton returns to gazing out the window, her mother's words ringing in her head. Her mother's right as per usual. She doesn't know Lucas, not really and she'd been taught not to be judgemental and to always give people the benefit of the doubt.

'Maybe this was meant to be, give him a chance Peyton, he may be exactly what Jamie needs'

'But what if he's not?'

'We're here sweetie, we're not going to let anything happen to him and I know you won't. He'll always have us'

'I just don't want to let Hales or Nate down' She whispers.

Anna squeezes her daughter's hand again, watching her stare at the passer bys.

She's about to tell her that that isn't possible but Peyton's weary glassy eyed gaze falters. Her brow folds over her eyes and her lips thin into a straight line and then she's standing up, her chair scraping against the floor.

'Peyton?'

Peyton doesn't answer, can't answer, she's already marching out the cafe door.

She's fuming and all her mother's advice no longer sits in her mind, it's flown because right now the man they've been discussing is walking down the street and James Scott is no where to be seen.

'Where is he?' She growls.

He hadn't noticed her and he's taken aback and her sudden appearance only reiterates how much smaller this town is in comparison to where he comes from.

'Where's Jamie?' She flails her hands and he rolls his eyes at her dramatic show and that only makes her voice raise several octaves. 'Where is he?'

'No hello?' She looks like she's going to explode at his responding question so he puts her out of her misery and finally answers. 'The social worker and psychiatrist said it would be best to get Jamie back into a familiar routine so he doesn't feel so lost. His life has been turned upside down and right now he needs stability and things that he can relate to his life when his mother and father were alive' Lucas wearily relays what he'd been fed from all the professionals, unable to keep his sarcastic tone at bay.

Peyton's furrowed brows don't alter. 'Where is he?'

'At kindergarten'

Her hair's tied back from her face today and her facial features appear accentuated because of it. He looks at the angles of her face. She has nice cheekbones, a perfectly sculpted nose, a rounded chin and large eyes of green. She's not dressed as casually as he's seen her previously. She's wearing more professional attire. She's wearing smart working clothes and Lucas immediately feels more intimidated than he had initially. He wonders what she does for a living. He wonders if she works in this town, in one of these buildings down this small street. His eyes scan their surroundings, trying to pin point where she's sprung from. None of the small businesses seem fitting and he thinks perhaps she's just to big for her small home town.

She doesn't know how to feel about his answer. She's too preoccupied worrying about Jamie's well being to feel bad for snapping at Lucas. She's helpless at knowing what is and isn't right for Jamie but yet she still finds herself saying 'Don't you think it's a little too soon? It's too soon for kindergarten'

'I'm just doing what I'm told' He looks at her scathingly because he's had enough of today. He's trying and he's doing what everyone's telling him and he can't deal with her conflicting worries.

'Ok but those people don't actually know Jamie. I know Jamie' She tries to be reasonable.

'Exactly' He retorts. 'Maybe you're a little too close to home, a little too emotionally involved to accurately judge what is and isn't right for him' He proposes with arrogance and her chin juts out because of it.

'Maybe you're not emotionally involved enough' She retorts hotly. 'Maybe you don't care at all. Maybe you just don't actually want to deal with him so you're letting his kindergarten teacher help him through this instead'

'Right, I'm pawning him off to his school so I can thieve the contents of his parent's house' He sniggers. 'Because clearly I don't give a shit about Jamie. I've just spent the entire morning in some fucking shrinks office because it's my idea of a fucking good time' He takes a breath. 'You know, right now I'm actually looking for a fucking job, because as you said, sadly I can't get my paws on Jamie's inheritance, I'll have to wait until he's eighteen before I can make off with all of his money. '

She looks shocked, sheepish and down right irritated all at once.

'As much as I enjoyed running into you, I've got things I need to do' His smile is false and his drawl is all sarcasm and she's even more riled.

She doesn't get in the final word though because he's stalking back down the street and she's left just standing there, eyes following after him and she's just really confused because he was meant to have just abandoned the five year old they're squabbling over. He's meant to have fucked it up already so she can take control and take care of Jamie.

'That wasn't exactly giving him the benefit of the doubt honey' Anna's hand is suddenly on her back and Peyton wonders how much she actually overheard of their loud exchange.

The older woman's worried and rightly so. She'd have had to have been blind not to have witnessed the animosity between the pair. She couldn't say her first impressions of Lucas were wonderful. She didn't like his language, nor the way he'd looked at nor spoken to her daughter. However, she was also well aware that Peyton had provoked him and unlike her daughter she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

'I don't like him. I can't help it'

'I can see that' Her voice is sweet like honey and Peyton hasn't ever got how she's always so calm. She can't remember her mother ever loosing her temper. 'But you have to try, for Jamie's sake'

_To try. She had to try. _Yet again, Anna Sawyer was right.

* * *

He's late to pick Jamie up. He thought it finished at four. It finishes at three.

Lucas feels like he's being thrown back to the lions den so to speak. He feels like he's a kid again. He feels like he's the one that has to go to this place. He didn't like school then and he doesn't like it now. The brightly coloured walls and the happy faces and cheery staff do not fool him.

He walks into the classroom with caution.

Jamie is sat at the table. He's colouring.

The teacher is sat on one of the small child size chairs next to him. All of her attention is solely on him. She's busy telling him what a good drawer he is and she doesn't notice Lucas' presence until he shifts into her view.

She smiles and Lucas doesn't buy it for one second. She doesn't get a smile back.

'You must be Jamie's uncle?' She rises from the midget chair. 'I'm Jamie's teacher, Miss Strauss'

She's tall and her face is appealing but the fact that she's a teacher is enough to dissuade him from any hypothetical relationship.

'I'm sorry I'm late' He tells her like he's suppose to. The lady at reception told him of the correct times. She winked and told him it happened to the best of us. 'I got held up'

'That's alright, but just so you know school finishes at three ten'

'I know'

She smiles and then she's looking down at the child. 'Jamie why don't you go get your jacket from your peg?' He obediently stands and does as his teacher's asked. 'He seems to be coping well'

Lucas nods. She knows. He's glad. He doesn't want to explain the situation.

'Did you see Jamie often before hand?'

'Er' He really wants to say it's none of her god damn business. He wants to grab Jamie and leave but he finds himself stumbling over his words to answer. 'Actually no. Not much' He doesn't offer anymore information.

'Well, what you're doing is wonderful' Her words are sincere but he wants to roll his eyes. 'If there's anything you need or anytime you want to discuss Jamie, do feel free to come in. We want to help him through this in anyway we can'

Jamie's returned, his jacket on, the collar tucked into the neckline and his bag unzipped and hanging precariously off of one arm while his other clutches his most dear comfort shirt.

'Time to go buddy' Lucas announces.

'Goodbye Miss Strauss'

'Goodbye sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow' She untucks his collar and zips up his bag, giving his back a little pat when he's good to go.

Jamie doesn't speak as they walk down the corridor, nor when they exit the building and start down the road.

Lucas eyes him. The silence is uncomfortable and he searches for something to say.

'Do you, do you want me to carry that?' He finally asks. The kid is struggling with holding his bag and his mothers shirt.

Jamie gladly disposes his luggage onto the outstretched hand with a little thank you.

'So er, what, what do you wanna do?'

Jamie shrugs because he doesn't know the answer. His Mummy always picks him up from school and she's always got something set up for them, whether it's a walk to the park or a play date with a friend or a trip to get the weekly shopping.

'Where's Peyton?' It's a simple and valid question. He loves Peyton. Peyton loves him and it isn't any wonder that he wants to be with her.

Lucas cringes because he feels like he's seen enough of that girl to last him a life time.

'I don't know'

'Can I see her?'

Lucas exhales heavily. The last thing he feels like doing is knocking at her door. He's had a long day. He's done a number of not so wonderful tasks. He took Jamie to the shrink. He took Jamie to kindergarten. He got his baring's of the town. He had a not so delightful run in with Peyton Sawyer herself. He spent the remainder of his free time job hunting and to his great surprise he'd managed to find himself one. It was nothing special but it was something and Lucas was use to make doing with what he was given.

'You really want to see her?' He mutters.

Jamie bites his lip. They barely know each other. They're in the early stages of getting use to each other. Whilst the five year old feels comfortable he's not settled by any means. He doesn't know how to read his knew caregiver. He doesn't know what it means when Lucas squints his eyes and sighs heavily like he currently is. He doesn't know if his uncle is angry. He always knew when his Mum or Dad were angry.

'You want to?' Lucas urges, making sure not to snap and loose his patience at Jamie's lack of verbal response.

The child nods with hesitance.

'Okay. We'll go to her house' Lucas stops at the end of the road and Jamie imitates his stance as they wait for the red man to go green. 'You're going to have to help me find the way though, I still don't know where I'm going round here'

Jamie perks up at this, excited by the challenge. 'I know the way'

The green man appears.

They cross.

'Lead the way then'

Jamie walks two paces ahead and every now and again points out landmarks to Lucas and somehow it makes Lucas' chest feel lighter and he forgets that today has been hard and he forgets that he doesn't like Peyton Sawyer because for the first time in a long time, he has a home and he has a job and for that he supposes he should be thankful.


	5. Chapter 5

'Dad you really don't need to do that' Peyton sighs.

He's turned up unannounced and she knows her Mother's sent him round here to check on her but he's making out that that's not the case at all. He's got a few jobs left to do. Well that's what he claims.

He's the one that helped her renovate the place. It was in a state when she brought it but the location and the character and charm of the building had her sold from the moment she walked through the door. It's been finished for several months now but whenever Larry Sawyer needs an excuse to stop by and see his only daughter he thinks up something else that his skilful hands can work on.

Today he's turned up with an old oak door frame that she couldn't say no to. He's fitted it in the doorway between the lounge and the hallway and she's silently appreciating it from afar as he begins to sand it down.

'Seriously Dad, I can do that bit myself' She worries about him because he works too hard and she's just standing there sipping on tea while he does all the manual labour.

'Sure you could' He chuckles and she pouts.

She's about to defend her carpentry skills but the knock at the door interrupts.

Larry is closer and naturally goes to open it while Peyton follows behind.

She wonders who it is. It's getting on for six and she'd not been expecting anyone.

Larry pulls the latch back and the five year old standing on the step chants her name and she instinctively pulls him into her arms and smothers his little face with kisses.

And then there's an awkward moment. An awkward moment that seems to last forever.

Peyton's brow furrows. It's clear that both men have already met and her head darts from her father to Lucas, her face expectant as she attempts to mentally draw answers from their stunned faces.

She doesn't get answers though and soon enough the question tumbles from her mouth.

'You know each other?'

'Er, yes' Larry's confusion has morphed into realisation and he doesn't appear to be concerned by the situation.

Peyton's concerned.

'I hired Lucas here, today' He pats the younger man's arm. 'It's a small world huh?' He's smiling and Lucas returns it, his stance uneasy as he interprets Peyton's narrowed eyes.

Lucas knows that her expression indicates that her father's explanation hasn't been well received. He wonders if it's just himself that can get her brow to crumple like that, it, after all, has so far made a common appearance within his presence.

'Honey' She sets Jamie back on the ground ruffling his hair. 'Why don't you take Lucas into the living room and show him Edgar' Jamie's face is filled with trepidation. He doesn't know why he's being dismissed. He wants to be back in her arms and he wants Peyton to be making a fuss of him. 'I just want to talk to Larry sweetie, then I'll be right in and you can tell me all about your day at school' Her following sentence has him reassured and he leads Lucas down the short hallway and into the open plan living area, his mother's shirt trailing behind him.

When they're safely round the corner and out of hearing distance her eyes pierce into her father.

He finally speaks. 'Darling I'm sorry? I didn't know you knew the guy' He's not entirely sure what he's apologising for but he's seen that look on her face more times than he can count; playing with her when she was just three years old and failing to dress her barbie in what she deemed the correct clothing. Returning home after being stuck on an oil rig and consequently missing her eighth birthday. After interrogating her prom date for a solid thirty minutes before allowing her to leave the house. Yes, he'd seen _that _look plenty of times and it didn't get easier to stomach.

'It's him Dad!' She hisses and throws her hands out in exasperation but he looks just as baffled. 'Lucas- Jamie's Uncle'

'Yes, I'd figured that one out honey. Well, isn't me giving him a job a good thing?'

Peyton's wild expression dissolves as his question sinks in and then she's nodding.

It is a good thing. He needs a job. He found a job.

She doesn't know why she's so angry.

'Peyton can I give Edgar some milk?' Jamie's peering round the newly fitted oak door frame, his eyes pleading.

Her smile is bright as she looks back. 'Of course, come on I'll help you'

Lucas' eyes snap away from the photographs lining the wall as she enters. Instead he watches as she helps Jamie fill a saucer with milk. She brushes her hand over his ash blonde hair as he makes his way back into the living room. His tongue sticks out as he concentrates on not spilling any but despite his concentration, droplets of white still find their way onto the carpet.

Edgar, the long haired black cat with a white patch around his eye and one white paw, doesn't rise from his slumber, regardless of Jamie's beckoning and the five year old soon tires of trying to get him off the sofa, instead his attention diverts to what Larry has resumed doing.

The older man is more than eager to incorporate the youngster. 'You want to help Sargent?' He affectionately addresses the curious little boy. Jamie nods coyly and hops over.

With his attention clearly occupied, Lucas slips into the adjoining kitchen. Peyton's got four cups on the side, one of which is plastic with buzzlight year on the side. She's making tea and she's avoiding his gaze.

'If me working for your father is such a big deal I won't'

She's not exactly been subtle and he wants to avoid a shouting match so he surrenders before one ensues. Besides, he knows he doesn't have to provide financially for Jamie. The kids got enough money in the bank to last him a life time but still, he wants to prove a point, to both her and himself. He wants to be capable of something.

'It's not a big deal' She shakes her head adamantly, switching the kettle on. 'It just, it took me by surprise is all. It's great' She forces a smile and Lucas smirks because she looks darn right ridiculous with her frowning brow and twitching lips. She's struggling to maintain the weak smile and it soon fades when she sees him smirking. Her face frowns as she opens the fridge in search of milk.

'I'm glad' He nods, clearing his throat and averting his gaze to watching Jamie and Larry through the doorway. The older man is showing the youngster how to sand down the wood and he's thoroughly intrigued by the process.

'Why, Why're you here?' She wonders.

'Well, Jamie asked to see you' He shrugs and she peers over the fridge door at him. 'What?'

Her head is quick to disappear again but he hears her muttered thank you.

He smiles.

She keeps her back to him as she finishes off the hot drinks. He's not complaining. He takes a moment to appreciate the rear view of Peyton Sawyer. He decides it's more delightful than the front, considering he doesn't have to see the scathing looks she's so wonderful at firing at him along with her mouth that speaks it's mind. This way, he can openly look her up and down without her knowledge. Her legs are something of perfection and he's not complaining about her ass either.

She turns.

His head snaps up and of course she sees and of course she knows exactly where his vulgar mind has gone.

'Do you take sugar?' She mutters, her scathing look pelting him with full force.

He smirks because he's got a crude comment on the tip of his tongue but he bites it back and shakes his head. 'No'

She spoons in three just the same and he guesses he deserves it and then she's asking about Jamie.

How was he last night? How was his day back at school? Did he speak to the teacher? Did he do this, did he do that?

She's answered with shrugs and nods and shakes of the head.

'How do you think he's doing then?' She inquires, she's genuinely intrigued by his opinion but he's sick of that question.

He takes a sip of his overly sweet tea and shrugs again and when she widens her eyes he elaborates. 'How am I meant to know. He barely says shit'

'Lucas' She hisses, her eyes snapping to the man and child in the next room. She can see their tall and tiny figures haunched beside the oak frame, the sand paper making a scraping noise. Back and forth. Back and forth.

They're distracted. They haven't heard his language.

'You can't speak like that'

His eyes roll.

'You can't' She snaps. 'Not in front of him. He's a child. A child that's just lost his parents Lucas'

'I'm not a father' He counters pettily.

'No, but you're going to have to learn to be' She looks far from amused. 'You can't just do what you want, you have to make changes for him'

'Contrary to what you think, I am really trying here' He grumbles huffily. 'I don't know how to be a fucking Dad but I'm taking him to school, I'm getting him food, I'm putting him to bed, I'm looking after him. I'm trying'

'I don't doubt that you are. But you need to hide your emotions a little better. Jamie needs stability. He doesn't need to hear you shouting about how you don't know how to do this' She ridicules. 'He doesn't need to start thinking he's a burden to you because right now, I can guarantee that that's exactly what is going through his little mind'

Lucas pinches the bridge of his nose. He's pretty certain that Jamie hasn't heard anything of what he's said in the last ten minutes but he also knows that regardless of whether he heard or not Peyton is still right, only that doesn't make it any easier to hear and it sure as hell doesn't mean he doesn't want to throttle her any less. He doesn't know who she thinks she is but she has absolutely no right to look at him like that. Like he's scum.

'You know, I wouldn't mind taking him for a couple of hours after kindergarten during the week seeing as you're going to have to work?' Her voice is calm again.

Lucas' anger dissolves into pure mortification. Now she has to be all sweet and ask him if he needs help because she doesn't think he's capable of managing his nephew.

'That won't be necessary. I've got it handled'

'But you won't be able to pick him up' She knows her father's hours. It's early starts and late finishes. 'My hours are negotiable and I can work from home too- it makes sense for me to-'

'It's alright. I've got it'

He doesn't know why but he's shaking his head. He'll find another way. He doesn't want her help.

Her face falls and she wants to argue but she doesn't think partaking in another shouting match in front of both her father and Jamie would be the wisest of moves. Again, she feels like she's loosing control. She feels like she should have more authority of what does and doesn't go when it comes to Jamie Scott.

Lucas watches her mouth open and close and knows she's biting her tongue and for some reason he feels as though he's triumphed. He's one this round. She's been forced into silence.

He looks away because he can feel the beginnings of a smirk working it's way onto his face.

Her kitchen is nice, much like the rest of the apartment. Glass lines one wall and doors lead out onto a little jetty that look out across the water. Everything is finished perfectly and expensively. He wonders what she does for a living. She has to be good at whatever it is because her apartment is nice. It's really nice. He doesn't ask though because he won't allow himself to show the slightest interest in her life because he's not interested. So, instead his eyes peer back into the adjoining room. The kinder-gardener is holding the sandpaper now and with Larry's guidance he's helping to smooth the wood down.

'Well think about it. If you change your mind, the offers still there' She finally speaks. Her voice is strained as she struggles to be civil.

He nods. He'll think about it but he's determined not to come grovelling for her help any time soon.

* * *

Determination doesn't always prevail.

He hasn't managed to find a way of getting Jamie to and from Kindergarten.

It's seven a.m and he's exhausted and feeling beyond stupid. He's standing outside her apartment, willing up the courage to knock. He wouldn't be feeling so ridiculous had he just accepted her help in the first place but of course he had to act like an arrogant dick.

He's been standing out here for fifteen minutes and he's going to be late for his first day at work. He knows that's not a great first impression and he really doesn't want to be humiliated any further by being fired before he even starts so he knocks. Three harsh, confident wraps.

She's not dressed yet, she's wearing a baggy t-shirt that barely covers her legs and Lucas hates her a little bit more because it would be a hell of a lot easier to hate her if she wasn't so hot.

She's conscious of her state of dress and awkwardly stretches the cotton down over her thighs, trying to maintain what's left of her dignity. Her other hand roams through her tangled locks in a futile attempt to tame the mess.

Sure it's a mess but still Lucas doesn't think she could look much sexier at this moment in time. His mouth has gone dry and he forces his eyes to her face.

'Hi, er...' He scratches his forehead dumbly. He won't apologise for coming round unannounced, he won't apologise for getting her out of bed and he sure as hell won't apologise for openly checking her out. 'I was er, wondering if maybe you could...'

'I'd love to' Peyton's smile is easy and slightly gleeful but it dies as she really takes in his face. He's tired. The bags under his eyes scream sleepless night. 'Are you alright?' She's concerned because maybe he's not tired, maybe he's a junkie and maybe Jamie isn't safe.

'Yeah' He sighs. He doesn't want to indulge her. He doesn't want to admit that he needs help because she was already so certain he couldn't do this but maybe she is right. 'Jamie didn't sleep much last night. He's afraid of the dark' He doesn't understand the sudden fear because he's been here for several nights now and not once has Jamie complained about the darkness. He can't relate to such fears. He's always found solace in the dark. You can hide in the dark. It's safer than daylight. 'Anyway, do you think you can-'

'Pick him up too?'

'Yeah'

'Of course, I'd love too' She looks genuinely over the moon, he's not seen her so happy. She looks impossibly prettier.

'I'll try be here by half five but I, I was going to try and stop by the supermarket-we're down to a cucumber in the fridge and we're both getting sick of take out pizza not to mention I guess that it's not the healthiest dinner for a growing kid' He comes to an abrupt stop. She said yes. She didn't need to hear his rambling idiocy. 'But you didn't need to know that' He mutters. 'I'll just' He wanders back down the path and she watches from her doorstep as he retrieves a waiting Jamie from the pathway, softly explaining what's going on. His little face lights up at the prospect of spending some time with the curly haired blonde and then he's bounding up to her and telling her that she's going to look after him.

'That's right honey' She laughs.

Lucas gets a shy little wave from the youngster and then he disappears inside in search of Edgar the cat.

'Night fairy' Peyton tells him before he turns to leave.

'Huh?' Lucas doesn't understand 'Night what now?'

She smiles. 'You should try a night fairy, a night light, you know?'

'Okay it would help if I understood what you're talking about'

'You've never heard of a night light?' She bites her lip to stifle a laugh. 'Okay, well the names pretty self explanatory. It's a little light that you plug into the wall for kids. It might help if he keeps getting afraid of the dark'

'Hm right that could work right?' He shifts his weight.

'Maybe, it worked for me when I was little'

He imagines her as a little girl. He bets she was the cutest little thing with wild curly locks.

'I'll look for one at the store'

She nods. She doesn't know what just happened but for the first time they've managed to have a civilised conversation that didn't result in them loosing their temper or shouting at each other. She doesn't know if they're just both too tired to put up a fight but it was nice. Easy.

'Good luck for today' She finds herself calling out after him. He doesn't look back, nor acknowledge her unexpected kindness but she knows he's heard because he pauses briefly in his tracks and then he's striding on. She smiles because she doesn't expect anything less. She's smiling because despite all her reservations about this man, he's let her in, he's allowing her to be there for the little boy that she loves with all her heart and she's grateful and if he's going to try to be tolerant with her, maybe, just maybe she can do the same for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **Hey all. Sorry for the delay. Chapters are probably going to be slow for a while- Emera's just started university and has given herself a case of freshers flu! As you can imagine she's a little preoccupied with her life at the minute so your patience would be greatly appreciated! Enjoy.

They find themselves in a routine.

According to the psychiatrists and doctors it's what Jamie needs.

Sleep. Breakfast. Get Jamie to Peyton's. Work. Pick Jamie up. Dinner. Sleep. Breakfast. Get Jamie to Peyton's. Work. Pick Jamie up. Dinner. Sleep.

The regular workday is foreign, demanding and tiresome. It's something he's never had. Not for more than a couple of days at a time. He always manages to screw it up. He's never cared because it's only ever been him. All he's had to think about is himself. Only it's not the same this time. He has got someone else to consider. He doesn't step out of line. His days are automated and robotic. But with the terrifying constraints of this sudden responsibility also comes a sense of stability that's refreshing and safe.

'Do you want to stay?' Peyton asks one day.

He stops stuffing Jamie's sweater into his backpack and looks up.

She's avoiding his stare. She's looking down at some junk mail that's laying on the work surface and for a second he thinks he completely imagined it.

'I mean. I have a habit of over estimating food portions. I've got enough chilli to last me the week' She looks up.

'Er' Dinner. A night without having to put together some meal that would most definitely not compare to what she was offering. A nutritious dinner would be good for Jamie. 'Yeah, well if you're sure' He nods.

She bites her bottom lip and his eyes divert to her mouth.

'I'll get two more plates'

'We're staying?' Jamie's voice sounds in the background.

'Just for a little while longer' Lucas ruffles his hair and the little boy smiles.

The days have turned into weeks. The weeks have turned into months and he's developed a soft spot for his young nephew. Inevitably so.

'I'm going to finish my drawing' Jamie declares excitedly, shrugging his jacket back off and clambering back onto the kitchen chair.

Lucas looks over his shoulder at the piece of paper that's scribbled with an array of brightly coloured crayons.

There's three stick figures. A man. A woman and a boy.

It doesn't take a detective to figure out who they are.

Lucas blinks. He's surprised to find the child's drawing touching him as it does. Things haven't been easy. In all honesty he's sure he would have lost his sanity had it not been for the girl that's dishing up food onto plates. He doesn't do affection or discipline. He doesn't know how to be a parent but he's learning because she's teaching him and she doesn't even know it. She knows what to do when Jamie is upset or angry, she seemingly knows how to deal with every eventuality and although he hates that she's always right he's actually kind of thankful to have her around.

'He's quite the budding artist huh?' Peyton smiles.

Jamie looks up to see his Uncle's response.

'It's good Jamie' His complement is awkwardly delivered. Lucas doesn't know how to be positive. He doesn't know how to be encouraging. But it doesn't matter. His words are enough to make the little boy smile.

'This is you and me and Peyton. Peyton showed me how to do your hair and your eyes and your nose' He enthuses.

'And my ears?' Lucas wonders as he squints down at the two very pointy triangles sticking out from the circular head that imitate that of an elf.

'Nope. I did them all on my own' The five year old informs him proudly.

'Yes you did' Peyton sets three places at the table. 'It looks just like him JimmyJam'

Things have changed between them. Things aren't as strained. Their conversations are to the bare minimum and when they do speak they're overly polite and it's the polar opposite of what it had been. Their lives are separate and yet ultimately entwined.

It's a Friday and the polite charade they've been playing ends.

She's furious and she's done with the façade because this is too much. This is something that she can't just ignore.

'Lucas?' She marches through the large house.

Her cheeks are flushed and she's angry. More than angry, she's livid and she has no clue why she's quite as riled as she is.

He's not answering and her pace quickens as she climbs the stairs.

_Maybe he's left. Maybe he's abandoned Jamie._

She storms into his bedroom, eyes making a quick circuit of the empty room.

Her stare finds the adjoining bathroom door.

It's ajar and she's startled to see the back of his figure through the gap.

She'd convinced herself that he'd have been gone. Perhaps that's why she is so mad.

He wasn't gone though. He was right there.

She takes a deep breath and then the blood racing through her veins coaxes her over to the door.

He jumps when she all but bursts into the bathroom.

He'd been deaf to her calls.

'Fuck Peyton!'

She doesn't reprimand him for his language.

She gawps at his face.

There's a reddened splotch running up his cheekbone. He's been hit.

'Have you ever heard of fucking knocking before entering?' He snaps. 'You're like fucking creeping Jesus'

She shakes herself from her wide eyed fixation. 'You've been hit'

He turns away. 'Is Jamie down stairs?'

She shakes her head. 'He's at my parents'

'Why?' He looks back at her questioningly.

'Because'

'Because?'

'Because I wanted to freaking talk' She blurts. 'My Dad rings me and says he had to suspend you Luke! For fighting!' She exclaims.

'What, so you're going to fucking rat me out to social services? You're refusing to let Jamie come back here?' He spits angrily.

'Jamie is with my parents because I wanted to talk. Not because I don't trust you to look after him' She sternly announces. She knows she's given him reason to doubt that she trusts him and she doesn't know how to get it into his head that despite her previous judgements, she in actual fact has grown to care and trust him. He's shown her that in the last twelve weeks. He'e been reliable and responsible and Jamie's little face demonstrates that simple fact. Only perhaps that isn't entirely true, perhaps she doesn't completely trust him because just seconds prior she'd still found herself fearing that today was the day that he'd upped and left.

'Well talk' He leans back against the sink counter top and she suddenly realises that he's wearing nothing but sweat pants.

The bathroom is hot and the mirror is steamed up; he's just got out the shower. His hair is damp and the smell of shampoo and deodorant lingers in the air.

She's suddenly flushed for a whole different reason.

He crosses his arms in front of his naked chest. He's impatient.

'Why on earth were you fighting?'

'One of the guys pissed me off. It's no big deal. Guys fight Peyton'

'Are you saying my Dad over reacted?'

'That's not what I'm saying' He sighs. 'You're Dad did what he had to do and I respect that'

'Lucas what kind of example does that set?' She wavers her hand exasperatedly at his cheek. 'You think an inquisitive five year old isn't going to wonder why your face is bruised?'

He wipes his hand over the foggy mirror and peers at his distorted reflection.

'It's not that bad' He contends.

She shakes her head in disagreement. 'Sit'

He's befuddled but does as ordered, sitting himself on the toilet seat.

She rummages in the medicine cabinet. Haley was safety conscious. There's tones of products for every possible eventuality in every bathroom.

In the next few minutes she silently plays nurse, pressing a cool compress to his cheek.

A slight smile twitches at his lips as he imagines her in a nurses uniform.

She sees but she doesn't find anything about this situation amusing.

'You have to think about Jamie. You can't just go around getting yourself into fights over nothing when you're responsible for someone else. What if this guy presses charges? What then?'

'It was stupid' He grumbles. His smile is gone. Nurse Peyton is gone. Reprimanding Peyton is back.

'Just don't do it again' She pleads. 'Promise'

'I can't promise you that'

She's mad again.

'Promise me Lucas'

'You didn't hear that jackass'

'What could he have possibly said that got you so mad?' Her eyebrow raises on one side.

'Nothing' He mumbles again, he'd successfully managed to avoid going into detail over his fight only he's just dug himself a pretty big hole.

'Nothing? Lucas something must have triggered you to play the macho card. I know you. I know it's not in your nature to just throw your fists at people for a laugh. I know you'

He's pissed off. Her reprimanding is tiresome and her tone is annoying and she does not know him. She doesn't know things he's done. This is nothing in comparison. She doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. Their conversations revolve solely around James Scott.

'You want to know?' He pushes her fussing hands away from his face. 'This guy was saying how he fucked you at some fucking Christmas party last year. He was bragging about what a fucking easy lay you are'

She's stunned into silence. Her eyes well and she wishes that she could stop it but the tears arise despite her willing of them not to. She knows exactly who he's referring too now. She knows who the guy is that he hit. She's the reason he got into a fight. He was defending her and now she feels responsible.

'You should, shouldn't care what people say...it, it doesn't matter' She's wishing she hadn't been so insistent.

'It matters' His eyes are focused on her. She's looking away. Her body's shifted, her side to him. The tough, courageous girl he's always confronted with, is no more. 'So it's true?' He assumes. 'You fucked that guy?'

'I don't think my sex life is any of your business' She musters.

She's right, it is none of his business. Only he really, really wants to know. Her glassy eyes and hunched shoulders give him his answer without a verbal confirmation from her and he wants to hit the guy all over again because no one, let alone good girl Peyton Sawyer should be talked about that way.

She sniffs and inhales and in that single breath she manages to compose herself. She looks back up at him.

'I'm not easy' The words tumble from her mouth. She doesn't get why she's attempting to explain herself to him. 'I'm not, I didn't, I don't usually just sleep with guys. I mean it was a one time thing. I was drunk, I'd just come out of a long relationship and I, I used him, he was just there' She shakes her head.

He doesn't say anything.

'I'm not easy, I'm not a slut' She murmurs again.

He knows that. He knows that because had she been that way he would sure as hell of taken advantage of it by now. He knows just what she's like. He knows by the tears that arose in her eyes just moments before that she isn't _that _girl.

She's ambitious, smart, kind and generous. She's got morals. She's got integrity.

She's the most beautiful girl he's ever met and she's the very last girl he'd ever go for because the simple fact is, she's better than him. She's the kind of girl that deserves flowers and a relationship and he sure as hell doesn't do relationships. Relationships are messy and fuck things up.

Only he's forgotten all of his rational thoughts in the last thirty seconds because he's stood up and he's edging closer to her.

He still hasn't spoken and when he's moved to stand in the doorway with her she opens her mouth to say it again.

'I'm not easy' It comes out as a whisper. He's standing so close.

'I know'

This is the most meaningful conversation they've had. This is the most personal of topics and in a second everything's changed.

He hesitantly leans toward her.

He's nervous.

He's never nervous when it comes to this.

Only she's different to the girls he'd usually do this with.

She's out of his league.

She's above him. She's got money. She's intellectual, beautiful and kind.

She's everything he's not.

He usually goes for someone that will wake up in the morning knowing that this was just a one night stand and not caring of that simple fact.

He doesn't think Peyton Sawyer is the type of girl to have a one night stand.

She's the type of girl that wants a boyfriend, that deserves someone that will provide for her and one day get down on their knee to propose.

And yet, for a moment he pushes past all that bullshit.

She's looking up at him through long lashes and he sees the longing there. He knows that look.

He kisses her.

He kisses her and he's not surprised by her hasty step back, if anything, it's expected. She doesn't get very far though, the door frame hits her back before she makes a full step.

She doesn't try to make a further escape. She doesn't run.

She stares at him wide eyed.

She wonders if he's testing her. She bets he thinks she's an easy lay despite her declaration that she's not.

He doesn't think that. He doesn't think that in the slightest. The simple truth is that she let her guard down, for a moment she was vulnerable and in that short moment he'd pounced. In that short moment he'd been the superior one and he'd taken full advantage of it.

He'd been tortured by her beauty since that day that seemed so long ago now, the day that she'd opened her front door to him. He'd wanted to do this for so long, though he'd easily been able to repress such desires because of her superiority. She wasn't just a pretty face. She was intelligent, far more than him he was sure. She was higher than him in every way and he wouldn't be humiliated any further.

But all that had sky rocketed from his brain when she'd let her guard down. For a moment she'd been just a girl that was no better than him.

She doesn't run and he closes the small gap she's created and he kisses her again.

Her mind is telling her to be angry and push him away with a resounding slap but she doesn't.

But she doesn't exactly reciprocate either.

He likes that.

The types of girls he usually goes for _are _easy. They throw themselves at him and he takes what he wants.

She's not throwing herself at him by any means. She's stiff and her hands are slightly behind her, awkwardly gripping the wood of the door frame.

After exactly eleven seconds (he counts) she's kissing him back.

He has complete dominance. He grips her hips to him and groans as her slender figure is pressed completely against him.

She can feel the heat from his naked torso, radiating through her jacket. She wants her jacket rid of.

Lucas can apparently read minds because the article of clothing rushes to the floor.

She's clearly not dressed herself today. He knows she's got a best friend that works in fashion; Larry Sawyer likes to talk about his daughter. Lucas is pretty sure he'd win a pop quiz on Peyton. He can tell when her said friend has interfered with her wardrobe, it's generally more girly and the skirts and dresses are shorter than she'd choose herself. He likes that. Today the fashion obsessed best friend has got her in a high waisted tight floral skirt, with a train of black buttons going down either side. A black strap top is tucked into it and she's wearing a stripy cardigan. The miss match of pattern works and with her model like frame Lucas thinks she looks like she's just walked out of one of those fancy magazines.

Her kisses are more needy and her hesitant hands have finally found their way into his hair.

It all happens so fast. One moment she's standing, jammed between him and the door frame and then she's being pulled and pushed across the room. The stripy cardigan is gone and then she's laying on the bed and she's not quite clear how she got there.

She's not quite clear how this started at all for that matter.

She finds this man infuriating and complicated and at the same time she feels protective and apparently attracted to him too and this is just really really wrong.

Jamie flickers into her mind and she fleetingly wonders if this is wise but then Lucas' hands are back on her and his lips are on her neck and Jamie's gone and she wants this.

They don't speak. Words always fuck things up. Especially with them.

From their first meeting there has been this bubbling of hatred beneath the surface. The circumstance of their meeting had thwarted any chances they had of being on a friend basis from the get go. Their relationship hadn't been a choice. They'd had to learn to be civil to each other. They'd had no choice but to see each other on a regular basis. They'd learnt to communicate without erupting into an argument in the past months.

The frustration and anger has finally broken through their tough exteriors in the form of lust.

He can't help but think that this really was inevitable.

He pulls her strappy top from her skirt and his hands slip beneath the clinging material, her back arching as his fingers work up her ribs.

Having not even so much as hugged one another before, it's electrifying to feel his hands, strong and powerful, moulding over her skin. Feeling. Touching.

Her eyes are closed and her mouth is slightly open and he can feel her breath flutter over his lips. Again. Again. Again.

She's beautiful. He's never seen her so fucking hot. He wishes she could be like this all the time. He wishes she could learn to keep her fucking mouth shut because even though she's tried her hand at being polite she can be rude and opinionated and sarcastic and just really fucking infuriating.

He unbuttons her skirt. He fumbles So many fucking buttons.

Her eyes are wide now. He's removing garments that haven't been removed by anyone other than herself in a while and what their about to do sinks in.

She's sure she's meant to try and stop him. But instead of being filled with doubt she's fuelled on.

Her skirt is gone and he pulls her languid body up with a mutter of 'Sit up' His voice is deep and thick and doesn't help her to follow through on his demand.

He smirks as she grapples onto his shoulders to keep her balance and her mouth pouts in response to his taunting lips.

He drags her top up her torso and over her head, leaving her clad in her underwear. Her bra is a dark purple colour and she's wearing black lacy boy shorts.

She joins him in looking down at herself. She couldn't remember what undergarments she'd put on this morning but as she checks out the damage she's quick to decide that it could of been a hell of a lot worse. She's not clashing and she's not wearing some cartoon embellished numbers. All in all she's done pretty well.

His hands at her hips push and this time when her back is against the mattress he nudges her legs apart with his knee and then his weight is on her. He's heavy but instead of feeling trapped and claustrophobic she relishes in the feel of him. Her hands map out his back. They delight at the feel of his sculpted torso while his own make quick work of disposing of her underwear and then his mouth is everywhere and she feels completely useless.

He's not gentle or slow and she struggles to keep up and her brain is no longer functioning because it all feels so, so good.

She's literally whimpering and writhing beneath him when his body leaves her and she's instantly disorientated and confused and he hasn't said a word.

She's figuring he's either realised what they were doing wasn't smart or that he's just being malicious enough to tease her before walking away. _Or, even worse, perhaps he's realised that I'm just not good at this. _But then he reappears, rummaging through his wallet.

She blinks. She's still confused.

He tosses his wallet behind him when he's found what he'd been so desperately looking for.

The square foil packet answers all her questions.

He's not walking away, he's still very much eager to proceed down the road they were headed.

Her breath hitches in her throat as she watches him tear open the wrapper with his teeth.

His sweatpants are then dropped and her eyes are quick to descend.

Lucas' lips twitch into that smirk again as he expertly slides the condom into place and then he's stalking back over to her and her wide eyes are back on his face.

Still no words are spoken and all Peyton can hear is her own heavy breaths.

She's naked. He's naked.

He finds her lack of voice endearing. He's use to crass words being spoken into his ear. He's use to girls asking him to fuck them and he's used to girls telling him exactly what he's making them feel. Peyton's silence is different, it's new and he finds himself listening to her breathing patterns and the quiet little murmurs escaping her mouth to know if he's making her feel good.

She's suddenly nervous as hell. She suddenly feels so very out of her depth.

He clearly knows what he's doing, not that she doesn't know how this works; it's not as though she's never had sex. She just feels completely inexperienced in comparison to him. He radiates confidence and he's in control while she's a shuddering mess. She usually feels superior but that's definitely the last thing she feels right now. He's completely dominant and she's not got a hope in hell.

He's right _there,_ he's pushing against her and the knot in her stomach pulls tight and she needs. She _needs _him _there._

He nudges her thighs further apart and hoists one leg over his hip and then he _is there _and even though she'd been anticipating it, she'd not quite anticipated his swift stroke and it quite literally knocks the air from her chest.

Her back arches.

Her eyes slam shut.

He groans. Delicious tight warmth.

He doesn't ask her if she's okay. His eyes are burning down on her face. He doesn't look away and regardless of his lack of verbal questioning, his piercing gaze together with his immobile body and soothing hand running circles over her thigh, clearly shows that he innately knows of her discomfort.

She's tempted to tell him that it's been a while but she doesn't want to break their sacred silence.

His head drops into the crook of her neck and his limbs shake with the effort of staying still.

'I'm sorry' He grunts. She never thought she'd hear those words emerge from his mouth and she's not quite sure what he's apologising for. He's sorry because he should have known to treat her with more care, she's not a whore, she's perfection and should be treated gently and lovingly only he doesn't know how to do that and it's too late now.

She shifts beneath him and her lashes flutter open but he kisses her before she can lock eyes. He can't look into those eyes. He doesn't want to feel the guilt because this is a one night stand and it shouldn't matter but it does because she deserves more.

He takes from her. He takes but this is different to his usual partners because he's not just taking. He's giving too. He's striving to please her, he wants to hear her moan that moan again.

He holds her wrists above her head. She's putty in his hands and he tries to memorise every second of it. He tries not to think but he can't not. His mind is buzzing and he's completely consumed by her. He wonders if this is so intense because he's not allowed himself it sooner. He wonders if this would be as fucking good if they were to do it a second time.

There won't be a second time. He knows that. She won't allow it. She'll hate him even more when this is finished.

Her breathing has sped up and her back is arching and his hand is between them and if this is the only time they do this he's glad that he's triumphantly sky rocketed her to outer space. She'll remember this. He's forced her to remember every second. Even if she hates him she won't ever be able to say this was bad.

Her release is a catalyst to his own and he hisses into her ear and then his weight slumps onto her.

He stays there. Their hearts race in union. Her hair is strewn across her face. Just moments ago he would've pushed it away but not now. He moves off of her. The mattress dips beside her as his body drops into the space with a little thump.

He exhales and she shivers.

The silence is no longer welcomed. It's awkward and deafening.

She wonders if she should leave. She feels uncomfortable laying naked beside him only she can't move. Her body is trembling in the aftermath of their coupling and her legs can't seem to function.

She's working up the courage to move.

But she doesn't have to. Because not even a minute later he's sitting up. He's moving away. He's finding his pants. His back is to her as his feet stumble into their respective holes. A cupboard door is opened, a t-shirt is found and tugged on and then he's gone and she's laying there in his bed and she doesn't know what this was or is and her eyes close tight but the tears are relentless because at this very moment she's never felt more used and she can't take this back. She can never take this back.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N** Lack of updates is totally my fault! Not Elsie's! Apologies. Emera.

She walks into the kitchen.

He's made himself a slice of toast and he takes a bite as he turns around.

He stops chewing when he sees her.

He's never seen her like this. Her clothes are crumpled, her hair is tousled, her lips are swollen. She looks like someone has thoroughly had their way with her. They have. He has.

He swallows and puts his plate down on the side. He's not hungry any more.

'You should probably go and get Jamie' Lucas finally breaks the silence.

Her head darts up because from all the things she expected him to say that was the last. Her brow raises of it's own accord. 'I should go get Jamie?' She reiterates. Her voice is hoarse.

He wants her out of the house. He wants her away from him because she's dangerous. Now he's had her he's fearful of his self control.

'Well, yeah. It's getting late. You're always the one that says he should have eaten by seven and be in bed by eight at the latest' He looks pointedly at his watch. 'It's nearly half nine'

'My Mum will have fed him'

He shrugs and frowns. She's being difficult. 'He has kindergarten in the morning. He should be here in his own bed and settled for the night'

She knows that. She knows all of that but she thinks they should at least address what's just happened between them. Only he's clearly not up for that.

'If you wanted me to leave all you had to do was ask' She shakes her head and laughs humourlessly. 'Wow'

'What?'

'I just, I can't believe I was that bad'

'What?' He's confused. He doesn't understand why she's come to that conclusion. He doesn't think that. He doesn't think that in the slightest. She was very much the opposite of bad. 'No' His head shakes. 'You weren't bad, definitely not bad'

She snorts because his attitude suggests otherwise. 'You're right. I should get Jamie. I'm a big girl Luke. You don't have to try and pretend. I get it'

'I don't think you do' He mutters. 'Look. I just, you... I have Jamie to think about here'

She's grateful that Jamie has seemingly become the most important thing in his life. She's over the moon that their relationship has gone from strength to strength but right now he's using the five year old as a get out clause.

'Yes you do' She nods but she's scowling and he wants to roll his eyes but he doesn't.

'I don't know what you want me to say?' He looks at her directly. He doesn't know what to make of her expression. He can't read it. There's a lot of things about her that he can't read.

She doesn't know what she wants him to say either.

'I'm sorry' He tries.

But that's not right. That's the last thing she wants him to say.

Her eyes flutter to her feet. She can feel tears burning her eyes and she doesn't want to cry, not in front of him.

He continues 'I'm sorry that I did that to you, I didn't mean for anything like that to happen. I didn't mean to force myself on you or take advantage, it just, it just happened' He rubs the back of his neck and he looks like a teenage boy. Lost and confused. 'You're entitled to hate me or whatever'

Her head shakes back and forth, in outraged disbelief or indifference he's not sure. She doesn't respond. She turns and he hears the front door close after her just moments after.

He doesn't try to stop her, doesn't try and console her.

There's nothing more to say, not that he can see anyway.

* * *

'Darling where have you been?' Anna's eyes are curious and knowing all at once as her daughter walks with hasty footsteps through the cozy house.

Peyton's gaze shies away from her mother's questioning stare as though eye contact will answer her question.

Her mother knows her. Her mother knows her all too well, sometimes better than Peyton herself. She instinctively knows when something's wrong, even when not in her daughter's presence. She has this witchy ability and although sometimes grateful, sometimes there are things that Peyton would rather keep private. _This _is one of those times.

'I told you. I was going to speak to Lucas' She walks through her childhood home, searching out what she's come for.

'Yes. But you've been gone for sometime' Anna pries. 'I hope you weren't too hard on him Peyton' Her statement makes the blonde stop in her tracks. She spins around and looks at her mother for the first time since entering the house and Anna knows. Anna knows instantly that something's upset her baby girl. It doesn't take a genius. The bloodshot eyes are a give away.

'He hit someone _Mother_. He hit someone at work and you hope I wasn't too hard on him?' Her arms flail amidst her outrage. 'This is the man that is meant to be looking after Jamie'

'Yes' Anna nods, her face still of frustrating tranquillity. 'But since your father's been home, he filled me in properly. It seems he was defending you sweetheart'

Peyton's defiant gaze is quick to transcend into one of utter mortification.

Her mother _knows. _Her father _knows._

Larry Sawyer is standing in the doorway to the living room and she wants to die because they both _know_. She doesn't want them to _know _that she slept with one of his staff at a Christmas Party and more than anything she's pissed that Lucas had the nerve to divulge something so private to her father, to her parents.

She stalks into the living room and leans against the fireplace. The heat from the dying fire warms her cold form.

'Lucas told you _that?'_ She grinds out, teeth gritted.

'No' Larry answers. 'He wouldn't tell me anything about the fight. It was some other staff that came forward after and gave me details of what went on'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

He didn't tell. The anger thats bubbling furiously beneath the surface doesn't subside though. She's mad at Lucas. So very, very mad.

'I can't say under any circumstance do I condone fighting, you know that Peyton, but I feel as though I can turn a blind eye this one time for I'd quite like to throw a punch at that creep too' Larry's voice is gentle as always but there is a dark tone that she is not use to hearing.

She wants the floor to swallow her up and take her away to anywhere but here. She stares at the photos lining the mantel shelf. They're mostly all of herself through the years. Newborn. First steps. First day of school. Graduation. Her eyes fixate on one of the three of them. Her family. They were on holiday. They're on a beach. Larry is holding her. She's six years old and the world was so simple then. She wants to go back to that time.

Her mothers hand touches her shoulder but she shrugs it away.

'Where's Jamie?' She blurts, desperate to just speed right past this horrible moment and never address it again.

'Darling' Anna tries but Peyton's already shaking her head.

'I came to get Jamie- where is he?'

Larry reluctantly gestures to the sofa on the far side of the room and her eyes find the child's curled up little figure.

He's asleep. So innocent, so young.

'Darling why don't you stay here tonight. We can set Jamie up in the guest room and-'

'Lucas is expecting Jamie back. Not tonight Mum' Not allowing her mother to persuade her otherwise, she crosses the room and gently picks up the sleeping child. Jamie stirs but doesn't wake. His little limbs curl around her, head resting comfortably on her shoulder. 'Thank you for looking after him' She walks to the doorway.

Neither Larry or Anna allow her to leave without a kiss to her forehead. They tell her they love her and to drive safely.

She nods meekly and then she leaves feeling even worse than she had before arriving.

* * *

He hears her car pull into the drive.

He hopes she'll have calmed down in the last forty minutes.

He opens the door to her. 'Hey'

She doesn't answer. She's not calmed down.

Jamie is in her arms and she kisses his forehead before awkwardly handing him over. He stirs and moans unhappily into Lucas' shoulder. He's tired and doesn't enjoy this pass the parcel game. Peyton rubs his back and shushes him back into slumber.

Lucas stares, uncertain as to what is to be said. 'Peyton-'

'I think I must've left his school bag at Mum and Dad's' She cuts him off, her head forward, shielded by her hair.

The change in her is mind boggling to him. She's avoiding looking directly at him.

'But I'll go get it tomorrow morning after you've dropped him off'

'That's fine' He nods. He doesn't know what to say. Whilst he understands that she's lived a different life and thinks a different way, he finds it hard to relate to what she could possibly be feeling right now. Sex is just an act to him. Nothing more and yet their earlier activities seem to have sent her into a flustered state.

'I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone about this' Her hand wavers between them. 'It was a mistake'

He's not surprised. Of course it was a mistake. She's made that much clear. Maybe thats why she's insisting upon being so difficult. She's embarrassed and ashamed.

'Sure' He agrees easily.

'Well. I'll see you tomorrow morning then'

She kisses Jamie's head once more and Lucas inhales her perfume at her close proximity.

It lingers in the air as he watches her walk back down the path.

A mistake. A mistake was generally an error in actions. It was something you learnt from and endeavoured never to do again. However Lucas didn't want to prevent this mistake from occurring again. He wanted very much to make this same mistake again and again. Even if the result was a very pissed and flustered Peyton Sawyer.

* * *

Days pass.

They revert to how they'd communicated before hand. Meaning they don't unless necessary. It's not ideal but they make it work. They have to. For Jamie.

Jamie is none the wiser. Jamie is relatively happy.

He picks him up from her place one day after work.

When she lets him in the little boy's head doesn't peep round her leg to greet him as he was accustomed to these days.

'He's asleep' Peyton explains.

'Right. He didn't go to sleep until nearly 2am and then got up ridiculously early this morning' Lucas relays the probable reasoning behind Jamie's tiredness. 'I thought we'd gotten past the whole afraid of the dark thing'.

She nods. 'He'll get over it in time' and then an uneasy silence envelopes them.

They're both replaying what transpired between them several nights ago now.

Visions of glistening naked limbs dance across their visions. Moans and groans sound in their ears.

He watches as a rosy tint creeps it's way up her cheeks and he just knows she's reliving what he is.

He's not been able to stop himself from reciting it for the last one hundred and sixty eight hours. It's driving him to insanity.

Her suddenly heated cheeks urge her to turn away from him before she's humiliated any further. He didn't want her. He'd made that much clear and now she was showing him that despite his rejection, she was still very much under his power.

'Peyton' He grabs her arm, stopping her retreating form. He feels bad. He knows he was an ass to her. He's come to realise that much. He knows he hurt her and the thing is he only dismissed her like that and did what he did because he wanted to avoid hurting her because that's what he did. It was the story of his life. He let people down. He upset people on a daily basis. He was selfish and she deserved better than that.

He's about to apologise.

The two little words are on the tip of the tongue. He doesn't think he's ever said I'm sorry to anyone asides from her. It's becoming quite frequently used in her presence. He briefly wonders why. He's never said it to anyone before now, was it really the time to start? Only her expectant watery eyes of green have the three syllables tumbling from his mouth without a second thought.

'I'm sorry'

He's not quite sure when he tugged her so close but his hands are holding her hips to him tightly and he has no plans to let go.

'I should get Jamie's things togeth-'

He doesn't let her finish. He kisses her hard.

She doesn't have time to react. She's pushed against the wall and his lips are assaulting hers and all she can think is that she's terribly confused by his hot and cold behaviour and then she's not thinking at all because despite her frustration and anger and dejection, he's pretty great at this and she really just can't function when his tongue is moving across hers and his hands are trailing up her sides seeking out more and right now she's willing to give him whatever he wants.

Her dress is shoved up. Her leg is pulled up around his waist and he's pressed so hard against her that she thinks the wall behind her may crumble.

He grunts and then his hand is between them unbuckling his belt and unzipping his flies.

His movements are so haphazard and desperate that her mind can barely catch up.

It does though. As he's trying to tug her tights and panties out of the way.

'No' She pushes him away hastily and he stumbles back, pants gaping open. 'I'm not doing this' She answers his raised brow. 'I'm not going to be your play thing. I'm not. I'm not that girl' She straightens her crumpled dress out.

Jamie is asleep just a door down the hall. She's ashamed of herself for being so weak.

'You're not my play thing' He says a little disgustedly.

She's surprised by his expression and confused because that is exactly what she is.

'What am I then Lucas? What do you call this?'

He doesn't have the answer. He doesn't know. He just wants to have her. Right now. Against the wall. Why does it have to be anything else. Why does it need a label.

Her eyes soften with defeat. She exhales heavily.

'I don't want you to be mad at me' He growls suddenly. He fears by her sad eyes that he's just well and truly ruined everything. 'I...I need your help with Jamie. Jamie and me have got this good thing going and I'm just screwing all that up' He announces, a hand scraping through his hair with confusion.

'You're not screwing anything up and I, I'm not mad' She sighs. 'You were right. We do have Jamie to think about. We should forget what happened. It wasn't a big deal. You're just getting your bearings with having a child around, just getting the hang of being a dad'

'I'm not a Dad'

Her small smile is disagreeing. 'Lucas I know all this has been hard on you, I can't even imagine.' She tries to find the appropriate words. She's had days to think things over. She'd been mad at him at first, it was only natural. She felt used. The more she'd thought the more she realised that perhaps he was the smart one in all of this. What had she thought could realistically come of their coupling. An actual relationship? The idea was almost laughable. She's had days to think about the words they should have spoken before now but it still comes out wrong. 'There's a thousand girls you can go and find to fuck. That's not me though. And for Jamie's sake.' She shakes her head. 'We can't'

He doesn't like the feeling of dejection. But unlike her, he doesn't let it show.

He nods. His face has calmed dramatically 'I know'. That's all he says. Nothing more. Then the subject is changed. 'I'll go wake him up and get him home'


	8. Chapter 8

The lady that runs the cafe is known by many of the towns people.

She's a mystery. She's closed off and private.

They whisper about her behind her back, they all think up extravagant stories for the reasoning behind her stony eyes.

She's not rude, nor unkind. In fact she's quite the opposite. She's known for her generosity and kindness.

But she keeps herself to herself.

Anna Sawyer works with her. Anna Sawyer is the closest thing to family she has.

'Hey sweetie, how was your weekend?' It's Monday morning and the brown eyed woman hangs her coat up and offers Anna a half hearted smile.

'Alright' Its her standard response.

Most people would have given up trying to instigate conversations with her but not Anna. Anna sees the pain in this woman's eyes. Anna knows that this woman is suffering.

She rubs Karen Roe's back as she joins her behind the counter and then Anna fills the void by divulging the goings on of her own weekend.

Karen smiles and laughs genuinely then. For a while she can live vicariously through her only friend. For a while she can forget about her horrible past that has her stuck, no longer moving forward.

* * *

It's a Thursday evening and he's been home half an hour. She's just got here to drop Jamie and his things off.

Jamie waves his hello to his uncle and then eagerly disappears into the front living room. Since his mother's death he's slowly learnt that things he once wasn't allowed to do, he now can. For instance, no video games after five had gone out the window. He no longer got shouted at when he jumped up and down on his mattress and his most favourite, as many chocolate biscuits as he liked.

'How was Jamie's session yesterday with Denise?' Peyton sets her car keys on the sideboard. She sets Jamie's things down on the floor and is lingering in the kitchen and attempting a conversation.

'Alright' He shrugs and that's all she gets. He's trying to tidy the chaotic mess that has become the kitchen since his arrival.

'Why're you so against him seeing someone?' Peyton wonders aloud.

'I'm not'

'Every time I bring up his sessions you shoot it down' She contends. 'His teacher really thinks it's helping. Don't you think it's worth it if it's helping him. It would be different if he didn't like it but he seems fine'

'A psychiatrist cannot bring his Mum or Dad back'

'No, but maybe they're helping him deal with it' She supplies.

'We're helping him deal'

'Yes but he doesn't fully comprehend that they're never coming back Lucas. On the occasion that he does speak about them, he talks as though they've gone away for the weekend. Unlike us, the psychiatrist can determine the best ways we can help him understand and get over all this trauma, only you never tell me what she says'

'They're full of shit okay?' His voice raises and he throws the dish towel on the work surface 'They don't make it better. They fill your mind with false hope. They lie and promise you things they can't keep.'

His outburst has him shaking and her eyes wide.

She's not scared of him. She's scared of his reaction, she's scared of what it implies. She gets the feeling that perhaps he can relate more to Jamie's situation than she ever imagined.

'Did you see someone when you were a kid?' She asks quietly.

'They tell you everything's going to be alright. They tell you that you'll be home again before you know it. They tell you it's just for a while. They tell you your Mum just needs a little break and it's all just bullshit'

'Luke' She takes his bawled fists in her soft hands, running her finger over his whitening knuckles. 'Hey, it's okay'

He's startled by her touch, startled by her soothing tone. Eyes jerk up to her concerned face and he takes a heavy breath.

They're silent.

'I was much younger than Jamie when I went into foster care' His voice is barely there but she hears loud and clear and her heart breaks. 'They told me it was just for a while. Until she got back on her feet. She never came and got me though. She never...' He shakes his head and her arms instinctively snake around his neck and she embraces him tightly.

'Luke' She breathes.

Her voice is soft, gentle and kind. It's caring. And it shuts him down. Completely.

He pushes her away.

She stumbles.

'Luke-'

'I should go see what he's doing' He cuts her off. He's already said too much, already divulged something he'd rather she not know and he hates that. He hates that for a moment he was so weak. He hates that he's just given her information to play with. He knows from experience that it's best to keep your past in your past. He can't handle pity. He doesn't want that. But as he walks out of the kitchen it's all he can feel. Her burning eyes with their pitying stare.

* * *

It's a Friday afternoon.

'Do you wanna go visit Anna JimmyJam?' Peyton proposes. They're walking hand in hand down the sidewalk.

Jamie smiles up at her.

He's happy.

He's got a gold star on his sweatshirt that indicates his good behaviour throughout the day.

'Can I get a chocolate muffin?' He asks excitedly.

'Sure' She agrees, swinging his arm as they walk toward the enticing smell of the cafe on the corner.

It's warm inside and the bells jangle happily as they enter.

'Anna!' Jamie runs ahead, yanking on the older woman's dress as he reaches her, making sure to alert her of his presence.

'Why hello darling, how're you today?' Anna lifts him up onto the stool and kisses his head.

'Look'

'Wow' Anna fusses over him and his gold star. 'Do you know what you deserve?'

The little boy looks up at her with shining blue eyes.

'A chocolate muffin' She declares theatrically.

Peyton shakes her head and smiles as they interact. She doesn't interrupt, allowing Jamie to tell her mother all about his day.

'Hi Karen' Instead she greets the woman behind the counter.

'Hi sweetie' Karen squeezes her hand. She bestows great love for her friend's daughter. She held her when she was born. She looked after her when Anna and Larry required a break from the strains of being a parent. She loves Peyton dearly. 'How're you getting along?' Her brown eyes flicker to the little boy sitting in her cafe and her heart aches. She daren't get too close. She can't.

'Okay. He's doing so well, considering everything'

'That's good' Karen busies herself and avoids taking too much notice over the laughing little boy. 'He, he's settling in well with his, his uncle then?'

Peyton watches the happy child. She rolls her eyes as her mother gives Jamie not one but two chocolate cakes.

'Sorry what did you say Karen?' She diverts her attention back to the older woman, her smile apologetic.

Karen shakes off her apology. She's struck by the look in the blondes vivid green eyes. She's seen Anna look at Peyton with that exact same stare. It's the look of a mother. It's protection. Nurturing warmth. It's unconditional love.

She licks her lips 'His, his uncle is, is finding his feet as a parent?'

Peyton's eyes narrow as she watches Karen's shaky movements. 'Are you okay Karen?'

The older woman's eyes jolt up and she nods vigorously. 'Of course'

Peyton isn't convinced. She's not convinced one little bit.

'I, I was wondering if you could pass something on for me actually' She falters. She rubs her flour covered hands on her apron.

Peyton's lost. The desperation in her voice has her nodding though. She would do anything for this woman. She's as good as family as far as Peyton's concerned. 'To who?'

'To, to...-'

Her sentence is cut off though. Jamie has slid from his stool and is hurrying to the door and Peyton's head automatically jerks after him. It's inbuilt in her. She's constantly got an eye on him. To begin with it had been a matter of must not want. But now, she was no longer doing what she could for Jamie Scott merely for her deceased friends. It was more than that. She had this innate need to care for him. She opens her mouth to reprimand him for running off.

'Luke!' His sing song voice greets happily. 'Look at my star!'

Her mouth closes because it's Lucas and Jamie is safe.

'See' Jamie's little finger prods at the golden sticker but Lucas doesn't look. He takes the little boys hand and without a single word marches him right back out of the door. The bells jangling angrily in their wake.

Peyton's brow furrows and without any hesitance she dashes after them.

She's none the wiser about Karen's intriguing request but it'll have to wait because her feet are carrying her toward the little boy that has well and truly stolen her heart.

* * *

'What's wrong?' Peyton exclaims. They're all back at the Scott residence and she's completely confused.

'Nothing'

She frowns. 'Hey Jamie why don't you go pick out a film? We'll come in and watch it with you in a minute'

The child's face lights up. 'You'll stay for a while?'

'Sure' She's not sure she'll be so content in doing so after the conversation she's intent on having with Lucas.

Jamie hurries out of the room excitedly, leaving them alone.

'Speak to me'

'What?' He busies himself with sifting through junk mail that's addressed to his deceased brother and sister in-law. The brother he never new he had.

'Come on Luke, your behaviour back there. It was hardly normal, I don't think it's that unreasonable to want to understand what was behind it?'

He doesn't verbally answer. He stops rifling through the post to look at her. Her eyes are firmly on the packet of popcorn she's discovered abandoned at the back of a cupboard. Haley James Scott always had popcorn for movie night.

He doesn't answer.

The blue packet is placed in the microwave and she turns the dial to two minutes. It hums into action.

'Karen owns the cafe' She drops in casually. Only it's not casual at all.

His eyes scrunch into an indifferent squint.

'Yeah?' He urges when she doesn't elaborate.

'Yes, a Karen Roe'

Lucas falters, his mask slipping as he looks at her.

Her eyes venture from the buzzing microwave to take in his reaction.

'Is, is she...do you know her?' It's the only conclusion she's come to. He has to know her.

He blinks and then he's shaking his head like she's crazy and turning away.

'What? You just marched us back here Lucas like you were possessed. I took Jamie in their to see my Mum as a treat for being good in school and then you come storming in and yank him out. Do you think that's normal?' She feels the need to point out his irrational actions. She doesn't want to push him. She knows pushing him never seems to get her anywhere but he doesn't tell her anything and she knows she's not the most open of people but he knows a hell of a lot more about her than she does him. She want's to know everything about him. 'A relative?'

'Peyton' He snaps, his hands shushing her.

The segments of corn begin to pop loudly in the microwave.

She bites her tongue but she can't help herself, her mind is working overtime and she's spewing out something that's been bothering her for the last few days. 'Someone rang here the other day, when I was here with Jamie' She walks to the fridge door and retrieves the scrap piece of paper in which she'd scrawled a number down. Above it, her loopy handwriting clearly reads _Susan Rang_. He watches in a daze 'Who is she? she wanted you to call her back did yo-'

He snatches it before she's finished her sentence. Crumples it in his hand. Tosses it into the bin.

'If she rings again you can tell her I'm not fucking interested'

'Lucas' She scolds because Jamie's just in the other room and she doesn't want him hearing words like that.

He grips the side board and she looks at him sadly.

He thinks he's upset her and he sighs heavily.

She's not upset with his treatment of her. Sure she's upset that he won't let her in but she's upset for him because this, whatever this is, is clearly upsetting him.

'I'm sorry' He mutters. 'I'm being an ass'

'A little bit' She teases. She's standing next to him now and her hand is on his shoulder.

'She's nobody'

'She's clearly not nobody' She disagrees gingerly.

He looks into her eyes. 'It doesn't matter who she is. She's just an interfering woman trying to do her job. But I'm not interested'

'What happened today?' She tries instead.

'I'd just rather you didn't take Jamie in there'

'But why? Have you got a problem with my mother?'

'Of course not' He snaps irritatedly.

'Luke my mum's worked there since I was little-'

'It's not about your god damn mother Peyton' He growls.

'So it is Karen' She states. Her brow folds over her eyes as she desperately attempts to get to the bottom of what this is all about. 'You do know her'

'No I don't. I've never seen her before in my life so just quit it alright'

The microwave dings, signalling the popcorn's completion and simultaneously ending their conversation.

His fingers wrap around her little wrist and tug her out of the way.

She gasps but his abrupt movement is successful in silencing her.

He opens the expanded paper bag and a cloud of steam escapes with the scent of popcorn.

Peyton wordlessly holds a bowl out and he pours the contents in.

'I should go' She says quietly.

'You can't' He answers with irritation. 'You promised him you'd watch a film' He doesn't like it when people break promises. He won't let her. She's not allowed.

He steps back and gestures to the hallway.

She swallows and looks down at the warm bowl in her hands.

She has no choice. He's right. She'll stay and watch the film.

She bites her bottom lip as she walks ahead. She just wants to run away. She doesn't like the angry glare on his face. She's crossed the line and she fears her badgering for information will have just made him even more closed off. Regardless, she knows one thing. She's not letting this go. She'll discover his secret one way or another.


	9. Chapter 9

She's at the Scott residence late again.

It's after nine and she helped him put Jamie to bed and now they're in the kitchen clearing up the dinner she made.

She keeps staying later.

He doesn't really know how or why it's happened.

His suspension from work didn't last long and hadn't seemed to have harmed his relationship with his boss- if anything Larry seemed to respect him that much more for defending his daughter. But since his return to work he's stopped picking the five year old up from her house on a weekday. She brings him back here after school instead. To begin with thats all it was. Now its her cooking dinner. And tonight she stayed for the bedtime routine too.

He likes it though.

He knows he should find it irritating or even be annoyed because her interfering is probably because he can't cook and because he can't provide all the things Jamie needs. And yet he doesn't care. Because she makes it easier and she no longer makes him feel like he's incapable, if anything she makes him feel like he is capable.

'So are you feeling like this is your house yet?' She breaks the silence. It's rarely just the two of them and she doesn't enjoy the awkward quiet that envelopes them when they are on their own.

'I'll never feel like this is my house, nor worthy of-'

'Lucas you're Jamie's family. You're the only person that was willing to sacrifice his life for that little boy. For that, Haley and Nathan owe you the world'

He can feel a heat rising in his cheeks. He doesn't like complements and Peyton Sawyer has been doing it a hell of a lot lately. Nor is she right. He didn't have much of a life to sacrifice in the first place.

'I'll never be comfortable living off of their fortune' He mutters, he feels like a thief, a fraud, even if he's not using their money as such, he's living in their big house and using their things.

'You're not living off of it. You've got a job and besides Haley and Nathan would want the best for their son. You're entitled to it'

He snorts.

'You are. Luke, half of this-' She flings her arms out. 'It comes from Dan Scott's fortune. You're his son too-'

'He's not my father' He cuts her off abruptly and his voice is deep and angry and sends a shiver right through her.

She bites her tongue.

'I didn't, I didn't mean to snap' He exhales.

'It's alright' Her hand reaches out and soothes over his.

His eyes watch her slender fingers for a moment.

'Peyton I haven't, I know I haven't thanked you for everything you've done to help me, to help me and Jamie' He moves his larger hand to grip her dainty digits in his palm. 'So thank you'

'You're more than welcome' She smiles and it's awkward and nervous because they don't know how to be with each other. 'That Susan woman rang here again earlier' She changes the subject because now seems as good a time as any to breech the subject.

In an instant he slides his hand from hers and they're disconnected once more.

'She said she'd really appreciate it if you called her back'

He continues to ignore her but he hears. He hears loud and clear.

'I asked her what it concerns'

This garners her his stare. His eyes are angry.

'And what did she say?' He almost growls.

'Nothing, she said it's a confidential matter' She hurriedly answers.

He grunts and then decides its best to escape her pleading gaze.

He walks out of the kitchen and she follows hastily.

'Luke' She grabs his hand as he enters the living room, stopping his get away. 'Hey. Don't walk away from me. I'm speaking to you'

He doesn't meet her eyes. He's like a child being told off.

'Look at me'

He very reluctantly does so.

'What is it?' Now she's got his attention her voice changes. It's gentle.

'Why do you even care?' He doesn't mean to keep snapping at her but he does. She's asking questions that he doesn't want to answer but she's so fucking persistant.

She lets go of his hand and crosses her arms in front of her.

'I'm sorry. I don't know why' Sarcasm drowns her words. 'Maybe because I'm trying to help, because I'm trying to be your friend. Because although you don't believe it, I do care'

He's quite taken aback by her sudden annoyance.

He glances up toward the ceiling, half expecting her tone to have allured the sleeping five year old out of bed.

She sees him and his concern over Jamie only infuriates her more.

'Fine. You know what? You don't want to talk to me. Thats fine. I'm done trying'

She turns to leave and it's him that grabs her arm to stop her retreating form this time.

'My mother' He blurts because as much as he won't admit it right now, he really doesn't want her to leave.

She blinks and takes a sharp intake of breath.

'That's what this woman is ringing about' He elaborates. 'My biological mother' He pushes his tongue to the roof of his mouth and breathes out through his nose. 'She's been trying to get in contact with me but I'm not interested'.

Peyton swallows thickly.

His fingers stay wrapped tightly around her wrist but she doesn't pull away, doesn't dare pull away, not for a single second because she's got him. He's speaking to her and she doesn't want to do anything to stop that.

'Why don't you-'

'Why don't I want her to get in contact?' He cuts off exasperatedly. 'I don't know, maybe because I don't know her, because the last time I saw her I was three. I barely remember her and she left me. She didn't want me. Why should she be a part of my life now?' This is why he doesn't share. People like her, the perfect people with their perfect lives, they can't possibly understand him. They live in their perfect bubbles with their unrealistic points of view.

But thats not Peyton. She ignores his tone. 'Do you know why she left?' She can't help but ask.

'It doesn't matter why' He emphasises.

She wants to argue but she's wise enough not to. Of course the why doesn't play a part in his decision. His mother's choice has governed the rest of his life. He's not had it easy- of course he's not willing to give the woman a chance. He doesn't want to know her story because if it wasn't her fault he won't have anyone to blame and he needs someone to be angry at.

He drops onto the sofa. He's still got a vice like hold on her skinny wrist and his movement jolts her forward. His eyes are closed and she wonders if he's even aware that he's holding onto her so tightly.

She stares down at his head of hair.

It's longer than it was when he first arrived. He no longer looks like a convict to her. His dark sandy blonde hair is messy but clean and before she even realises what she's doing her free fingers are threading through it.

He looks up instantly, her touch alerting him to her close presence.

Her hand drops to his shoulder and she squeezes lightly.

She's comforting him, only he doesn't know that. He doesn't really understand the concept so much. He's never really experienced it and it makes him feel uneasy.

'I'm sorry' He says suddenly, releasing his grip on her wrist.

She doesn't care about the red finger print marks. She moves closer. She has a leg either side of his and he looks up at her questioningly.

He doesn't know what she's thinking or doing. She's meant to be moving away not getting nearer.

She doesn't answer his squinting eyes.

'No. I'm sorry' Her hands move to his face. 'You didn't deserve any of it Lucas. You know that right?'

He listens to her words. Its hard not to think himself responsible. When so much shit happens you start to believe its your own doing in the end and he doesn't understand why her hand is on his face.

'Fucked up things happen to good people' She carries on. He's taken aback by her swearing. She doesn't swear.

'I'm not good' He mutters naturally. She needs to know that because he's certain she's become a bit delusional in the last ten minutes. She doesn't like him. That's how it's meant to be.

'Yes you are' She scowls. It's not her usual glower that is so frequently directed at him though. It's not filled with dislike or disapproval. 'Everything you've done for Jamie shows that'

'Stop it. You're just pitying me'

Her frown deepens. 'You know what? You're the one that's pitying yourself not me' She turns with every intention of leaving again because he's irritating her.

But he prevents her escape once more, only this time he's aware of what he's doing.

He stands and his fingers simultaneously encircle her wrist and jerk her around.

Her slight frame falls into him and she gasps, his eyes dark with anger and lust.

'I'm just being honest' He grinds out. 'You're one of those girls' She tries to step back but his free hand holds her hip firmly against him and he thinks he sees fear in her eyes and he's glad. Because that's how it's meant to be. She's meant to be afraid of him. He can't be her friend. 'You think you can fix someone and make them better. You think you can change a person' His words hit her face with an angry blow. 'You're attracted to me' He goes on. He sees the way she's been looking at him since that night. Since the night everything changed between them. 'But you don't want to be because I'm not the perfect guy you're meant to be with but the thought of changing me is appealing, the only way you can let me fuck you is to convince yourself that you're helping me'

His face is so close, every heavy exhale touches her lips.

She wants to cry. She knows her eyes have gone all glassy.

'That's not true' She says quietly because she doesn't trust the lump in the back of her throat. It's so not true. She's not stupid. She's not one of those girls that thinks she can change someone to be what she wants them to be. She's learning who he is. She's learnt he's not the dickhead she'd initially pegged him as. He's still an ass but there's more to him than she'd ever imagined.

'No?' He tilts his head to the side, aligning their mouths and she's not quite sure how they got here with his lips so close to hers.

Her heart thrums in her chest. Her head says move away but she doesn't.

'I could do anything to you right now' He whispers lowly. 'And you'd let me'

He brushes his nose tauntingly against hers and she doesn't have time to register what he's just said because then his lips are on hers and they're kissing and she won't move.

He's rough and assertive and she likes that. She never knows what she wants but he seems to know everything her body wants and needs. It's something she finds hard to get her head around- since that night it's all she can think about. How can he understand her body better than herself? It makes no sense but she doesn't care because ecstasy is within her grasp.

He stops it shorty after his fingers have slid beneath her shirt though and she wants to scream. His fingers stay on the bare skin of her lower back tormentingly as he speaks.

'See' He says deeply. 'You don't remotely like me sweetheart and yet you just let me do that. It's fucked up'

Her face screws up. She doesn't understand. She does like him.

'I do li-'

'You said you didn't want to do this Peyton. Whats changed? You know a bit more about my fucked up past and you feel sorry for me, well I don't want your pity'

She shakes her head in frustration.

'You're right' She pushes him back and he stumbles because he's not expecting it, nor her strength. The backs of his legs hit the sofa and he falls back onto the seat. 'Things have changed and that is because I know more about you' She walks forward. 'But not because I pity you or because I want to change you' She sinks down onto his legs without any hesitation. 'I don't know why' She really doesn't understand why. They've pretended that they never slept together. They've gone the last four weeks pretending but she can think of nothing else, despite all her efforts.

His hands instinctively fall to her hips and pull her forward.

She gasps, her fingers find his shoulders to steady herself and she swallows. 'You're the one that just wants to fuck me' She rolls her hips against his evident arousal to prove a point. She doesn't like the idea of being used. She doesn't want to be made a fool of but despite knowing all that was likely she still wants him and he wants her and she's past the point of caring about right or wrong. She's beginning to think that perhaps she can be what he wanted. Perhaps she can be content with just sleeping with him. 'You're right' she presses her forehead against his. 'I will let you do whatever you want to me'

'Peyton' He closes his eyes tightly.

'Yes?'

He inhales and then a moment after he shifts her so her back is suddenly on the sofa and he's hovering over her.

'You shouldn't say that'

'Why?'

'Because I won't stop' He warns.

'Who said I wanted you to?'

'Do you know what your doing?' He hisses into her ear. 'Because if we do this again I don't think I'll be able to restrain myself anymore'

She doesn't verbally answer. She's had enough of talking. She tugs his face back down to hers and reunites their lips.

They're both clearly confused about where they stand with each other but she's had enough of their frustrating conversation and trying to determine what this means in her head so they kiss instead and it gets heated fast.

She wants to feel what he made her feel before because it's the best she's ever felt.

Soon enough she's pulling her shirt over her head and then he holds her face in his hands because she's frantic and he wants a moment to just slow her down and look at her.

'What?' She mutters breathlessly.

'How're you so fucking beautiful?' It's not said in a loving nor romantic way. It's gruff and pained. Because that's exactly what she makes him feel. He avoids eye contact half the time purely to prevent his mind from going to the gutter.

A pink flush works it's way up her cheek bones.

He's done things that have told her he finds her attractive, she catches him checking her out but he's never verbally said anything. She opens her mouth, a response on the tip of her tongue but it's cut off.

'MUMMY!' It's loud and hysterical and it makes them both jump.

They'd temporarily forgotten where they were and who they were.

'MUMMY!'

Peyton blinks.

'MUMMY!'

And then she's plummeted back to reality with an almighty thump.

Jamie.

She pushes frantically at Lucas' shoulders and he slumps to the side with an exasperated groan because her leaving him right now is beyond painful. He quite literally needs her.

The child's desperte sobs from the upstairs landing have her tripping over her feet as she tugs her arms back into the corresponding arm holes of her shirt.

'Peyton' Lucas' voice is hoarse and strained.

'Stay here. I'll see to him' She answers urgently. She's not sure if he's complaining because she's leaving or because she's tending to the five year old instead of him. He's in no state to go and see to Jamie though and she can't stand to listen to another second of the child's hysterical sobbing.

She stumbles up the carpeted staircase and hurries toward the frantic cries emitting from Jamie's room.

He's standing in the doorway and his hair is glued to his head and he's coughing through his sobs as he struggles to get breath to his lungs.

She scoops him up and swaddles him in her arms, hushing soothingly in his ear.

He's clammy all over and chanting nonsensically for his mother. His mother that's not here, nor will ever be.

She sits on the bed with him and tells him it's alright, that it was just a nightmare and that she's got him and eventually his sobs lessen and his arms and legs clamp around her and he buries his head in the crook of her neck.

When he's calmed down she makes him have a sip of water and lays him back down in his bed. Her hand swoops repeatedly over his forehead.

'You alright now honey?'

He nods shakily.

'You had a nightmare?'

He nods again.

'What happened?'

He just looks up at her.

'You don't wanna talk about it?'

He shakes his head.

'That's alright you don't have to talk about it. It was just a dream though. You're safe' She kneels by the bed. 'I'm going to stay right here until you fall back to sleep' She kisses his rosy cheek and continues to stroke his forehead.

It breaks her heart to have to see him so distressed. She wonders what Haley would have done. She knows that the young mother would have had him calm and smiling again a lot quicker that she had.

She wishes she could take away the pain. She doesn't want to cause him anymore pain.

She stays by the bed long after his wet eye lashes flicker shut.

It's Lucas' figure in the doorway that finally tears her away.

She makes sure he's all tucked in, one last time before rising and tip toeing from the room.

'How is he?'

'He had a nightmare'

'Oh' He looks over her shoulder into the dimly lit room.

The little boy is fast asleep now. His cheeks are a little blotchy with the tears he's shed and his heavy breaths are shaky but he's sleeping peacefully.

'We should go talk somewhere else. We might wake him again' He says in a hushed voice.

'You want me to stay?'

'It's really late, you can't walk back at this hour by yourself'

His response doesn't really answer her question.

He turns and she follows him down the hall to the room he's taken as his own.

She gingerly hovers in the doorway and he pulls back the bed covers.

'What're we doing Lucas?' She whispers.

He's squinting again. 'I don't know I, look, I don't do this okay? If I'm, say I was with you, if, if we have a relationship and it ends it will affect Jamie'

'Yes' She agrees softly. She's thought of nothing but that in the last thirty minutes as she's consoled the child in question. She's thought of nothing but all the ramifications their already confusing relationship will do to the five year old.

'But' He crosses the room to where she's standing 'I don't think I can physically stay away from you any longer, especially having been with you' He sighs in defeat and fiddles with the bottom of the shirt that drapes her body.

'Then don't' She shrugs her shoulder. 'We, we can keep this quiet. No one needs to know, especially Jamie, not until we know what's going on between us' She suggests softly.

'You'd do that?' He asks.

'Like you said, this isn't just about us. It's about that little boy that's already been hurt so much. I don't want to be the cause of more pain. Whatever happens between us needn't affect him'

Lucas' mouth twitches up into a half smile. He's not had good people in his life, he hadn't realised that people like her actually existed and now that he's had a taste he doesn't ever want it to stop. He's said unwarranted things to her, pushed her away, been unfair because he's waiting for her to leave because people always do and yet she's not, she's still standing before him and she's apparently not going anywhere.

Only it should stop. It had to stop for her sake.

'Peyton I'm not a relationship kind of guy. Especially not with girls like you-'

'And what's that suppose to mean?' She scowls.

'Well. You're smart, you've had an education and I bet you were an over achiever and you have a good job and you live this perfect life and you're beautiful, you deserve better than me'

Her brow furrows. 'Don't start doing that, don't tell me what I need or that you're not good enough cause it's bullshit'

'You barely know me'

'And you don't know me'

'I know enough'

'Yeah? Well for your information I hated school. I spent the most part skipping class and in my final year I went through some shit that took me a long time to get over' She turns away from him. 'I may not have had it as bad as you but my life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park' She sits down on the edge of the bed. 'I want to know about you and maybe I want you to know about me too'

'I've had a fucked up life. I've done fucked up shit'

'Everyone has a past. If there's one thing I've learnt you can't let it hinder you from living in the now'

He's silent for a moment.

He registers her words and then he sits on the other side of the bed and she feels the mattress dip.

'Come're' She looks over her shoulder and he's laying down and holding the bedcovers for her to crawl under.

She hesitantly moves toward him.

His arms move around her. He's not done this before. He's never just laid and held a girl and it feels nice and she feels safe.

He's confused and she's confused.

But they're confused together.

And one thing they're both certain of, is that whatever this is, they will not let it affect James Scott.


	10. Chapter 10

Shopping malls have never been Peyton's idea of fun.

She especially hates it on a Saturday morning and without the guidance of her best friend. But that's exactly where she is.

It amazes her how quickly Jamie grows out of his clothes.

'Are we done yet?' He queries, swinging his hand within hers. Apparently he isn't too fond of shopping either. Peyton doesn't blame him, it had taken them three shoe shops before they'd found a pair that fitted but it was worth it. He was seemingly very pleased with their purchase because his eyes kept drifting down to the green converses that donned his feet.

'Nearly' Peyton assures. 'I just need to get a few bits from the food store, okay?'

'Can I get some sweeties?' He looks up at her with bright blue eyes.

'I should think so, considering how good you've been' She smiles. 'And then after we can go see what Lucas is doing' She suggests.

Jamie nods with enthusiasm. 'Will he be up when we're home? I wanta show him my new fast shoes'

'If he's not you can wake him' She proposes. He'd still been asleep when they'd left having worked till early hours of the morning the night before.

She's been around more and more but it's never just them, there's always Jamie to think about. It's good in a sense. It's forcing them to take things slow and figure out exactly what they want from each other. It's forcing them to keep their relationship under wraps.

Things have carried on as normal. Well, in Jamie's eyes anyway.

And whilst Peyton is eternally confused by what they are and what they're doing, she's also strangely happy.

'Grandpa!' Peyton's startled by the five year old's uncharacteristically loud cheer. He breaks free from her hand and she watches as he dashes across the mall and before she can even reprimand him, he's in an older man's open arms.

She shudders as she watches them embrace.

She knows Dan Scott.

She doesn't like him one bit.

He'd always put a whole lot of pressure on Nathan, so much so that she knew her friends marriage had suffered because of it.

And on top of that, she now had even more reason to dislike the man.

He'd left Lucas. He'd disowned him.

She's standing before him now, her lips in a thin line, her eyes narrowed.

'Peyton Sawyer'

She nods stiffly. 'What're you doing here?' She wastes no time in asking. She wants to grab Jamie and leave but she won't make a scene because she doesn't want to frighten the little boy.

The older man chuckles. 'I'm well thank you, it's ever so kind of you to ask' He retorts.

'Are you feeling better?' Jamie doesn't comprehend his grandfather's sarcasm.

'I've got a new perfectly ticking heart' Dan taps his chest and Peyton's eyes flicker to his torso.

'You have?' Jamie, oblivious to the tension between the two adults, asks curiously, his little hand covering his Grandads'.

'Yes kido. Your old Grandad's got a few years left in him yet' He smiles but Jamie doesn't. His eyes are suddenly sad and Peyton's heart breaks a little bit when he speaks again.

'Mummy and Daddy died'

'I know JimmyJam'

She wonders if he cried. She wonders if he shed a tear for the son he's lost. She wonders if he regrets the way he's behaved in the past.

'But they're in heaven now, watching down on you'

'They are?'

'Of course'

She's not heard Jamie speak about his parents. She doesn't want to breach the subject or interrogate him on the matter, she wants him to be the one to confide in her. Only now, watching as he's openly brought up the subject to his Grandad, she realises how disconnected from his everyday life she'd once been. Sure Haley was a close friend, but they both had their separate lives and Jamie didn't know her half as well as he clearly did his Grandpa.

She feels a twinge in her stomach as she observes Jamie chatting away animatedly. She can't help but feel like she's failing as she watches because she's sure his smile has never been so big.

She knew Haley had encouraged the relationship between Grandfather and Grandson, despite her aversion to her father-in-law.

Peyton wasn't quite sure how she'd been so selfless.

She'd grown up with Nathan, she'd seen the way Dan Scott treated him and now, knowing what she did about Lucas, her dislike for the man had only grown.

'We have to go buddy' She interrupts the little reunion, eager to get the five year old back in her arms.

His smile diminishes but he does as he's told and returns to her side.

'I'll see you soon' Dan promises.

Jamie nods, his toothy grin back. 'You can come see my Uncle Lucas. He looks after me now'

Dans' brow furrows over his eyes but he's quick to disguise his baffled face.

But Peyton sees. She sees.

'Say goodbye Jamie' She instructs gently, leading him away.

Jamie waves, his neck craned over his shoulder as she guides him toward the exit. It's only when they walk out the doors does his focus return to her.

'That was my Grandad' He announces proudly.

She ruffles his hair because she doesn't know what to say.

She feels numb and she just wants to get him out of here before Dan snatches him away from her.

And the idea of him being taken from her now is incomprehensible and for the first time she realises that not only does Jamie Scott need her, but she needs him back.

* * *

It's late afternoon.

They're at her house because she wanted to change into something a little warmer because out of no where Jamie requested they go to the beach and neither adult can seem to say no to his innocent little face. Besides, the idea of grabbing some food and walking along the sandy shoreline as the sun sets is nothing but appealing, to Peyton anyhow.

She's sure Jamie's off tormenting Edgar, her dopey cat. She doesn't quite get why the kid is so fond of him. Sure he's cute but he's not exactly friendly to anyone but her. Certainly not to Jamie anyhow. It may have something to do with the obstacle course he tried to get the four legged friend to partake in the last time he was round. Edgar certainly didn't approve and always favoured sleep over any activity, especially Jamie's obstacle courses.

Lucas wanders round her room like he's in a museum as he waits for her to reappear from the bathroom.

He'd been foolish to think this was going to be a quick stop just to grab a sweatshirt but apparently she needs to completely change her outfit so it's beach suitable.

He's not complaining though. In fact he's quite enjoying getting to snoop around her room. He's not been in here before and it's a whole new insight into her life. He peers at photos of a smaller version of herself with friends and family, regards the messy jewellery box on the dresser and gets a boyish smirk on his face when he notes the lacy bra hanging out of the the laundry basket in the corner.

He's sitting on the bed when she eventually reappears and for a moment he just stares because she's wearing a dress and she looks hot. She's tied her hair back and he has the urge to free the wild curls that're trying to escape but he doesn't because he has a question for her.

'This is Nathan right?' His brow is furrowed as he holds up the photograph.

Her eyes flutter over the image and then back to his face.

'Yes' she confirms.

'You're, you're kissing him'

Peyton leans over the bed and tries to retrieve the photo but he holds it out of her reach.

'Give it to me. Where did you get that anyway?'

'Box of photos' He gestures to her bedside table. 'A good few are of you with him'

'As happy as I am to have you make yourself at home' She drones sarcastically. 'Can you not rifle through my stuff?' She scolds with a little smile that tells him she's really not too bothered. She hopes her taunting will distract him from his questions. It doesn't. He prods the image and widens his eyes expectantly. 'We were all friends'

'Your tongue is in his mouth' He looks amused but his disgruntled tone gives him away and her eyebrows raise.

She shrugs a shoulder. 'We dated okay?'

He cringes involuntarily. He doesn't want to care, wouldn't care in the slightest if this was any other guy they were talking about. 'You went out with my brother?'

'Look I know it sounds weird'

'It is weird' Lucas nods. The feelings surging through him are unchartered and he doesn't like it. He's not meant to care about stuff like this but her having been with his brother makes him feel queasy. 'How long for?'

'Er, I dunno, probably on and off for about two years'

'Two years?' She has to stop herself from laughing at him. He's not amused. Not in the slightest. He feels guilty. He never knew his brother, nor ever will but somehow he feels like he's taking something that isn't his.

'Lucas I was fifteen, he was my first boyfriend. It didn't mean anything'

'So you didn't sleep with him or anything?'

She bites her lip because as funny as his outraged face is she can hear the distress in his voice and she doesn't want to be the cause of distress. 'I didn't sleep with him?' She tries unconvincingly.

'You've had sex with my brother' He states, his eyes closed. He's telling himself it's okay over and over. He doesn't know why the knowledge that she's been with a relative he never new is making his stomach turn but it is.

'If it helps, that's all it ever really was' She hurriedly remarks and then she's cringing because she's just heard her own words.

'Doesn't help' He opens one eye.

She edges over to him, feet taking small cautioned steps. 'Okay I know it must be a little weird for you and I'm sorry but you have no need to be upset about this' She gently confiscates the creased photograph in his hand. 'Nathan and Haley were perfect for each other. Nathan and me, not so much' She smiles.

He eyes her suspiciously. 'This isn't the reason why you're so interested in me right? Because if you were in love with my brother and are trying to relive that relationship through-'

'Woah' She throws her hand out to silence him. She's not minded this conversation until now, if anything she was kind of reeling in the fact that he was jealous but his suggestion that she's trying to relive something that happened years ago is not only completely nonsensical but leaves her feeling sick. Her eyes scrunch up closed and she shakes her head. 'First off. Me and Nathan never in love. And we're, we're-' Her hand wavers between them. 'We're just having fun' She says uncertainly and he nods because he still doesn't know what it is they're doing. 'And secondly, you, you couldn't be more different from Nathan'

Her eyes are telling the truth and he instantly feels better.

'Okay' He nods to himself.

She hesitantly sits down beside him. 'Okay?' She's not so certain he's okay.

'Yeah...sorry' He mutters sheepishly because he's embarrassed because he feels like he's just made a whole song and dance over nothing and he's just not meant to care. They're just having fun together. He doesn't need to know about her love life.

'It's alright, I get it' She licks her lips. 'While we're on the topic of your relatives though, I saw...I saw your d-' She stops herself from saying Dad. 'Dan Scott today'

His eyes jerk up and she can see the unease surface in his eyes.

'What?'

She nods and pulls her hair free, curls falling round her face. 'Jamie spotted him at the mall'

He blinks several times and for a moment she thinks he's going to tumble to the floor and faint on her.

'I thought you said he was in hospital, that he needed a heart or something?' He's never met the man in question. He doesn't know what he looks like. He doesn't know anything about him and he doesn't want to and it freaks him out that he could pass him on the street and not even know.

'Turns out he got one'

Lucas shrugs suddenly, feigning nonchalance that she doesn't buy for a second.

'Luke I'm worried' She confesses abruptly, her light tone gone.

Her admission has him turning to face her.

He notes the way she's biting her lip anxiously.

'Why?'

'He scares me. What if he tries to take Jamie now? I mean, he has a new heart, he's healthy now and Jamie's known him all his life. If he wants him he could question the custodial rights that you've got and if it goes to court we won't have a chance in hell' She rants. 'I mean who would you favour? The doting Grandad, who's been there since he was born or the unknown uncle that he's known for all of five months'

He grips her hand instinctively.

Five months ago he would have been jumping up and down at the thought of someone else taking Jamie Scott on board. But now, now he can't ever imagine being without the child. It may have only been five months but in that short period of time he'd bonded with his nephew. They'd laughed and shouted together. They'd taken on kindergarten together, ventured aimlessly through supermarket aisles, come to terms with this new life. They'd come so far and if he hadn't realised it yet, he definitely did now. He loved Jamie Scott. He really did.

'Well...at the end of the day if that's what he wants, it's Jamie's choice but if he wants to stay here with me, then he'll stay here' He tells her strongly.

She nods, she hopes he's right.

They don't have time to linger on such thoughts though, something she's thankful of. Because a loud miaow of protest sounds from downstairs followed by Jamie hollering for his furry friend to come back and play.

'I think we best go before Edgar's forced to play anymore games'

He gets to his feet and walks behind her.

'I like the dress by the way' He swats her behind as they exit her room and in a second the seriousness that has engulfed their conversations is gone and a blush filters up her cheeks that he finds both cute and sexy at the same time. A blush that he's suddenly found himself going out of his way to achieve in recent days.

She quickens her pace and he knows it's to get away from him because they have this unsaid no touching policy when it comes to being in Jamie's presence. One that he's finding harder and harder to abide by but one that is essential, because breaking those rules will fundamentally lead to change, change that he thinks none of them are ready for, least of all him and besides, they're just having fun.

* * *

It's late.

They've eaten on the beach and Jamie's raced up and down with his brand new shoes on. Peyton tried to persuade him to take them off and paddle in the water but he declined claiming they made him go super sonic fast.

He's worn himself out now and is asleep on the blanket she brought with them.

Lucas doesn't think of things like that. The evening brings a cool breeze and he doesn't think to cover the little child with a jumper like she does either.

Instead he sits and smokes a cigarette and his mind wanders to the father he's never known. He wonders what he looks like. He wonders what he's like.

She's watching him or more precisely watching the cigarette in his hand.

She doesn't like it when she's caught him smoking near the infant and he knows it too. She makes that same disapproving expression that he finds so entertaining only he doesn't smirk this time round. He shakes his head and sighs.

'Sorry' He goes to put it out but her hand grabs his wrist.

'Don't' She warily meets his gaze. 'Can I?'

He looks from her to the lit cigarette because he's sure he's misunderstood.

Only he hasn't. She doesn't wait for an answer, she takes what she wants and he watches bewilderedly as she takes a drag.

His unknown father is completely gone from his mind now.

His mind has gone to the gutter.

He wants to kiss her.

He wants to push her back into the sand and see what she's wearing under the blue cotton dress that covers her body.

'Don't look so surprised' She's amused. She takes another drag and closes her eyes.

It's good. It reminds her of her teenage years and she can almost taste that sense of freedom. A time when there wasn't a care in the world. A time when life seemed exciting and the world was a big adventure.

He sees it encase her.

He's suddenly aware that he doesn't really know this girl. She's more of a mystery to him than ever before.

He wonders what's happened in her life to make her eyes not twinkle as they are now. Because they don't usually. There serious and she's evasive and private.

'Where were you. Before you came to Tree Hill, I mean?' She asks. She stays looking at the sea and the setting sun makes her hair a sparkling gold.

'California'

She turns her head to look at him because his life has changed dramatically since she's known him and she wants to know where he's been and what he's done.

'As soon as I was legal I started to move around a lot' He shrugs.

'Did you grow up here?' She wonders.

He takes his cigarette back because he's in desperate need of another drag.

She waits.

'Well, not here exactly, Charlotte. What about you?'

'I've lived here my whole life' She quirks her eyebrow. 'Did...were, did you live with your mother there?'

'Peyton I don't really want to talk about any of that right now' He says off handedly.

'I'm sorry'

He sighs heavily and he hates her a little bit because there's something about her that makes him relent and he's never had that weakness with anyone before. 'No...I, it's alright' He runs his hand through his hair. 'According to my file it was a joint decision between both parents. They felt they were too young to handle such responsibility'

She frowns. She's thinking that that makes no sense. Well, not for Dan Scott anyway. Nathan was less than six months younger than his half brother and he quite easily took on the responsibility of a baby.

'Ironic huh?'

'So, you, I thought you said you last saw your mum when you were three?'

He nods. 'Apparently. According to my file anyway. Dan signed off all parental rights straight away but my biological mother didn't'

'What?' She's confused.

He shrugs. 'I don't know why. There are records of visits up until after I turned three and then she eventually signed away all her rights when I was five'

'God Lucas'

'I don't remember seeing her ever. She didn't want me, that much is clear. He didn't want me. Why would I want to meet either one of them now? Maybe I just wasn't cute enough' He grins but she doesn't smile. Because it's not fair. It was common knowledge that generally the younger a child was the more chance they'd got of being adopted into a safe and loving home, to people that actually wanted them. His mother's delay in signing away her parental rights had condemned him to a life of instability and it just wasn't fair.

He wants to tell her to stop with her pitying stare but she's stood up and her dress billows out with the gentle wind and his mouth goes dry because he's just caught a glimpse of her underwear.

Her eyes flutter warily to Jamie and when she's satisfied that he's still out for the count she hovers over Lucas, sliding down into the gap between his bent knees and his chest.

'Hi' He smirks.

'Hi' She smiles back coyly and fiddles with the material that covers his chest.

'You should really stop, it's such a bad habit' She says gently as she watches him place the cigarette back in his mouth. She wants to kiss that mouth.

'Mmm yeah it is, but you look so hot doing it' he holds it up to her lips and she obligingly takes one more drag and he nearly groans at the sight. His free hand slides under her dress and squeezes her thigh as she exhales, their eyes joined and then she's confiscating the cigarette from his hand and stubbing it out for him.

He pouts.

'You'll get over it' She slides her hands up his chest and around his neck, pulling herself closer and he's already over it.

'I'm sorry about your parents Luke' She whispers.

'Don't be'

'My biological parents didn't want me either'

'You're... adopted?' He asks uncertainly.

'You'd never of known huh?' A small smile graces her lips. She still finds it hard to believe herself sometimes, everyone is always telling her how much she looks like her mother. 'See, I could've easily had your life. It's just bad luck' She's never felt quite so lucky. She was chosen. She has beyond wonderful parents that have guided her through her life so far.

He tugs her hips closer and tilts his head and kisses her then, as he's been longing to for the most part of the day. She opens her mouth to him instantly and the little mewling sounds she makes go straight to his groin.

And they kiss. And Jamie sleeps. And the sun sets.

And as she looks into his eyes he sees that it's not pity in her eyes, it's understanding and for the first time he thinks that perhaps they're not so different, perhaps they're actually kind of similar.


	11. Chapter 11

The window is open and the white cotton drapes flutter, rays of sun flickering over the pale bed sheets.

She's not typically an early riser but she's got things on her mind. She bites her lip and stares up at the ceiling.

She's been here before. Several times actually. Here in this bed.

This time is different though. This time is completely different because this time she's not alone.

It's not the night of Jamie's forth birthday when she'd stayed for the weekend of festivities. It's not New Years. She's not hungover and she's not been put up by her friends for the night. Her friends are no longer here. This is no longer their house. But it still feels like it is. To her it does.

'Luke' She sucks on her bottom lip and nudges him persistently with her toes and he flinches into the pillow.

'Mm g'away'

She smirks at the way his face screws up and prods again. 'Wake up'

His hands dart out and grab her thighs, trying to stop her toes from touching him again. 'Why're your feet so freaking cold?' He complains.

'They don't feel cold to me'

'Well they are' He informs her, one eye opening.

She's laying on her side, one hand propping her head up and he suddenly doesn't want to be keeping her at arms length.

'No matter. I'll just have to warm you up' His hands change their course of action, sliding round the backs of her legs and tugging her close.

She's on her back not a moment later and he's hovering over her and she wants to giggle but she won't because she can't let this happen.

'Luke I stayed over' her fingers stop his from venturing up her naked sides.

'Yeah. You did' His voice is still thick with sleep but his eyes are very much awake because she's in his bed and she's in nothing but her underwear.

'I need to get up before Jamie awakes and finds I've been here all night' She blurts.

His eyes dart to the clock on the bedside table and he cringes. 'Jesus it's six am! Why the hell are we awake right now?'

She smiles. 'Cause- I need to go before he sees-'

'Do you not know Jamie? That kid likes his sleep- he won't appear until half eight at the very earliest'

'I know but what if he doesn't today'

'We've got at least two hours' Lucas announces indifferently. There'd been a time when he was horrified by Jamie's sleeping pattern, there'd been a time when he was accustomed to going to bed at stupid o'clock and getting up at midday. That no longer occurred, no longer could with a five year old but his body had adjusted and he was suddenly thankful that the kid wasn't a six am riser. 'I can't believe you woke me up'

She bites her lip trying to surpress a smile and he groans because it's sexy. She's sexy.

She'd not meant to stay but she'd been so sated and sleepy after their bedroom activities that it had been inevitable that sleep take her.

'On the other hand, sleeping is kinda over rated' His hands rub up and down her thighs and then he's pulling her legs up and around him and she's gasping. 'We could make much better use of our time'

She whimpers into his mouth in agreement, mind successfully distracted from the child sleeping down the hall, mind successfully distracted from all her confusing thoughts. She thinks too much, she doesn't want to think at all, not about everything that's going on in her life right now because it hurts her head but its okay. It's okay because Lucas Scott is quite wonderful at obliterating her mind completely.

'Orange juice?'

Two hours later they're in the kitchen and she's meant to be leaving but somehow they keep distracting each other. She shakes her head. 'No, I really should go'

'You don't have to. He won't know if we say you just got here or something' He suggests.

'Yeah, I know' She smiles because what he just said, it confirms to her that he's happy for her to be around. That it's not just sex he's after and she knows that makes this more complicated but it also ignites something deep inside of her. But she can't stay, as happy as she would be to, she has to keep up pretences that all is normal and that includes making sure she stops by at her parents. It is a Sunday ritual after all. 'I can't though. I've got some errands I need to do' She's got her hand bag slung over her shoulder now and is grabbing her keys from the sideboard when she pauses. 'What're all these?' Her fingers nosily sift through the pile of papers on the side.

'Oh, nothing' He moves quickly, taking the found letters from her hand. 'Just house stuff'

She snatches them back because he's clearly trying to hide them from her and she doesn't like being kept in the dark.

'Peyton-'

She skips away from him, hands simultaneously unfolding the papers and then her eyes are scanning over bills. Water. Electricity. Pool. Heating. Gas. School fees. The list goes on.

'This is a lot of money' She states the obvious.

'It's a big fucking house'

'Well, is their insurance covering it?' She looks up at him with concern.

'Not really' He admits. 'Are you sure you don't want a drink?' He opens the fridge, turning his back on their conversation.

'Lucas how're you going to carry on paying all this? You don't have access to Jamie's inheritance and-'

'I don't want Jamie's fucking inheritance'

'I didn't mean it like that. I just, I don't see how you're keeping on top of this when you're not earning half what they-'

'I'm figuring it out' He mutters.

'There's no way-'

'I'm figuring it out' He cuts her off. 'You should probably get going. He'll probably be up in a minute'

He's dismissing her and she can't say she likes it. She knows it was her that woke him up ridiculously early to avoid being seen by Jamie and she knows that just five minutes ago he was suggesting she stay, but the way he's looking at her now makes her feel used. 'I'll see you later then?' She asks as she migrates to the door.

She wants him to smile and she wants to hug him goodbye but he's avoiding her eyes and mutters a yeah and she nods sadly.

She's not stupid, she's quick to deduce the reasoning behind his snappy reaction which is perhaps why she's not barking back. She's aware that he has this belief that she's a whole lot better than him, that they're not equals and he doesn't want to be a failure. He wants to be able to handle this and he doesn't need her trying to save the day. Only it's in her nature to want to help. She needs to help. She will help whether he likes it or not.

* * *

She's at her mother and father's house and helping her mother peg the washing out on the line.

Her father can be seen through the open french doors, a newspaper open on his lap and a coffee in his hand and she likes this feeling. This is where she feels the safest, this is the house where she grew up. This will always be her home. This is where her parents are and she's nostalgic for those days when she was half the height she is now, a time when she'd run through the white bed sheets in a make believe world where fairies and animals that talk existed.

She doesn't live in that world anymore. There's no such thing as magic. Animals don't talk. She envys Jamie because she sees the child go to that special place where anything is possible, a place that she can no longer reach.

Instead her mind is on bills. The bills she knows Lucas is single handily attempting to keep on top of. A futile effort, she fears.

'Did you go out last night?' Anna's voice ciphers through her.

'No' Peyton's mind instantly drifts back to the now, lying eyes flickering toward her mother.

'Oh. I tried calling and you didn't answer'

'Maybe I was in the bath or something'

'Maybe' Anna nods. 'Your father dropped by this morning as well, there wasn't any answer'

'I went to the shops, what is this, the spanish inquisition?'

Anna bites her lip to stop from laughing at her riled daughter.

'What?' Peyton exclaims.

The older woman shakes her head with a coy smile. 'Oh nothing darling'

'No what is it?' Peyton argues back, grabbing another of the damp sheets from the washing basket.

'You just, you've been acting differently lately. It makes me wonder. You seem happy'

'What're you trying to say? That I'm a miserable cow usually?' Peyton snorts.

Anna rolls her eyes and looks at her daughter knowingly. 'No, of course not' She answers dryly. 'You just seem, I don't know, you're glowing'

'Glowing? Really Mum?' Peyton shakes her head at her mother's choice of words.

'Yes sweetie, glowing' Anna laughs. 'Have you met someone?' She asks bluntly and Peyton's thankful her back is to her because her mouth is agape.

'What? No!'

'What? Is it such a obscene assumption to make? You've been awfully busy lately. I've missed you'

'Mum' With her face composed, she turns around. 'You know I've had a lot on at work and what with helping out with Jamie-'

'I know honey but, I don't know, you seem different'

'I'm not, I promise'

'Oh don't get me wrong, it's good different. Fine, if you don't want to tell me'

'There's nothing to tell' Peyton says tightly through clenched teeth.

'Okay' Anna nods with a smile but Peyton knows her mother too well. Her eyes always tell the truth and her eyes don't believe her daughter but she's dropping the subject because she's her mother and she knows when not to push her. Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer has never been one to be pushed.

Peyton hangs the last of the sheets over the line and is thankful for the barrier that it provides.

'So what're your plans for the rest of the weekend?' She changes the subject and is thankful that her mother indulges her and plays along but she's no longer listening.

She's wondering if her mother is right. Is she glowing? Is she happier? And is Lucas really the reasoning behind it?

* * *

'Me and Daddy built one so big once that I couldn't even reach the top!'

Lucas smiles as he looks at Jamie's enthusiastic little face.

They're sitting on the floor in the living room, surrounded by an array of multicoloured lego bricks and Lucas realises that Jamie rarely brings up his parents. But the memory that the little boy recites makes his little blue eyes sparkle with delight and he knows they were good people. He knows they're still greatly missed by this young boy and his heart aches for him.

'Maybe this one we can build right to the ceiling' Jamie decides, eyes looking up to the desired destination. 'Can we?'

'Sure buddy, we can try' He hands the excited five year old a pile of stacked bricks to add to the growing building.

'My mum knows' Peyton's announcement as she enters the living room interrupts their game. She drops onto the sofa dramatically.

'What?'

'She knows'

'Knows what?' Lucas looks up from the lego tower him and Jamie are building.

Her eyes widen and her hand wavers between them trying to get across her answer nonverbally.

Jamie looks at her like she's going mad and then his concentration is back on the masterpiece at hand.

'How?' Lucas has got the message though. Loud and clear. And whilst he's not particularly bothered, he's sure this won't do anything in his favour considering he's working for Larry Sawyer.

'I don't know!' Peyton exclaims.

'So she actually told you-'

'No'

His brow furrows in confusion and he's pretty sure she's doing that thing girls tend to do; dramatising the situation.

'Well, what makes you think-'

'She says I'm acting weird' Peyton scrunches her nose up and imitates her mother's voice 'That I have a glow'

Lucas snickers.

'It's not funny'

'No' He nods. 'She's just stating a fact, I tend to have that affect on people you know'

She throws a cushion at him.

'Hey, watch it, me and JimmyJam are creating a piece of art over here aren't we kido?'

'Yeah' Jamie chants, gleefully tossing the cushion back in Peyton's direction under Lucas' coaxing.

'Did you just throw that at me James Scott?'

'Hey you threw it at us first' Lucas retorts.

'Yeah' The lego tower is suddenly forgotten and Jamie is on his feet, grinning.

'You did not just throw that at me'

Lucas hands him another cushion and the five year old doesn't need any persuasion this time in aiming another missile at the blonde.

'Jamie!'

Lucas grins. 'What can I say, it's obvious who the kids loyalties stand with'

She's on her feet now, hands on hips. 'You two better run'

Jamie looks at Lucas for guidance. 'I think she's angry Luke'

Lucas clambers to standing. 'Yeah I think you're right' He tries to hide the smirk at his lips but she sees and he warily takes a little step back as her eyes narrow. 'I think we better run Jamie' He grabs the child's hand and yanks him toward the nearest door.

And then the young boy is shrieking with laughter as his little legs struggle to keep up with Lucas' longer pair that have him slipping on the kitchen floor, into the long hallway, around the dining room table twice, up the stairs and then they're in Jamie's room and gathering weapons and Peyton's there telling them to surrender.

They charge from behind the bed with cushions and soft toys that are briskly pelted in her direction and she suddenly wonders how she thought she was going to win this fight.

'You surrender!' Jamie squeals. He's bouncing up and down on his bed and Lucas is getting nearer to her, like a lion closing in on it's prey.

'Do you surrender?' His voice husks.

She swallows because it doesn't seem like they're just playing a stupid game anymore and despite the child like chants in the background of 'Get her, get her!' She finds her mouth is dry.

'No way' She tilts her head to the side coyly and she thinks she has the upper hand because she knows he wants her and he can't have her. Not right now because Jamie's here and she delights in the way his eyes have gone three shades darker.

And just as instantly as it was there, it's gone and he covers up his lust with a playful grin and her feet are taken out from beneath her and she's over his shoulder and he's twirling her around and every now and again she sees Jamie, still jumping on his bed, hands in the air in victory.

'Lucas, you put me down!' She announces loudly and she catches Jamie's smile falter because he's momentarily worried that she's angry but then Lucas is carrying her out of the youngster's room and he's following eagerly behind and she pouts down at him.

'JimmyJam what're you doing? You're meant to save me!' She declares.

He shakes his head with a mischievous smile. 'Uh Uh. Boys against girls'

'Quick Jamie, open the door!' Lucas instructs, struggling to keep a grip of a wriggling Peyton.

'Put me down!' She hollers again half heartedly. Jamie's delighted shrieks of laughter make winning this play fight no longer her priority because it's about the little boy and the little boy is in his element and if that means her sacrificing herself to Lucas' attack so be it.

They're in the bathroom now and one moment she's over his shoulder and the next minute her head is being doused under the shower head and she's screaming because it's cold and then Lucas turns on Jamie too and the unsuspecting child giggles wildly as he gets soaked.

After that it doesn't take long for him to favour Peyton and Lucas slopes down into the bath tub and succumbs to the spray of water that's being showered at him from his opponents.

Eventually, after what he considers to be a suitable amount of time in enduring the onslaught of cold water, he reaches out and tugs Peyton down to join him and all three of them are slumped in the bath tub breathing heavily to catch their breaths.

'That was fun!' Jamie suddenly announces.

'Really fun' Lucas agrees, but it's said in her ear and she's suddenly wary of the fact that she's completely slouched back against his chest, his legs either side of her and his hands resting on her thighs but Jamie seems oblivious and is busy catapulting his buzz light year in and out of the water. 'If we were alone right now...' He mutters under his breath but she hears. She can feel his every word on the back of her neck and she swallows thickly and leans back into him and she wishes they were alone too.

'P. Sawyer you didn't say he was hot' The distinctive voice takes a second to cipher through her daze but it soon does when Jamie loudly chants a chorus of "Aunt Brooke, Aunt Brooke" and proceeds to tell their visitor all about the water fight they've just had. Peyton's alarmed eyes are fixated on her best friend and then she's pushing Lucas' fingers off of her jean clad legs and haphazardly lifting herself out of the bath, not so smoothly, Lucas' hand happens to assist in her exit but his palm on her ass only makes her hasten her movements and slip and slide more.

'Brooke' She greets, ignoring Jamie's laughter as she not so sedately gets her feet on tiled floor.

'Where did you get him?' The brunette points to Lucas. 'And where can I get one of my own?'

'He's my Uncle Lucas, Brooke!'

'Brooke' Peyton scorns, she doesn't let her friend respond to Jamie, yanking on the her friend's arm, dragging her out of the somewhat flooded bathroom to the nearest room that provides some privacy, slamming the bedroom door with force behind them.

'What honey? You didn't mention the arrogant dick was pretty, I'm just saying'

'Well don't. He can probably hear you'

'That was my intention'

'Well just don't! You don't need to feed his ego'

'Touchy, touchy, touchy'

'I'm not' She shifts her weight, grimacing as her wet jeans rub together. She needs out of these clothes.

'Yes you are. What are you doing P Sawyer?' Brooke chides, her eyes narrow and expectant.

'Nothing. What do you mean?'

'Oh don't play dumb with me. What I just walked in on was not nothing P Sawyer'

'I don't know what you're talking about. Why're you here anyway?' Peyton crosses her arms and tries to ignore the fact that her clothes are making a puddle around her.

'You weren't at home and you're not answering your phone and I've not seen you properly in forever and don't change the subject. You may as well of been fucking him in that bath tub'

'Brooke!' Peyton shakes her head in dispair. 'We were playing with Jamie and it ended in a water fight'

'Mmhm. With you just so happening to end up in his arms with his hands all over you'

'They were not!' She crosses the room to the adjoining ensuite because she's cold, but she also wants to avoid her best friends eyes because said best friend has a way of seeing straight through her, has done since the age of eight. She pulls her top off and wraps a towel around herself.

'Oh please, he may as well of had his hands down your fucking pants. Darling you may be able to fool the five year old but I'm not so stupid'

Peyton groans and mutters a few obscenities under her breath. She loves the girl standing not even a few metres away. She's been in her life for a hell of long time. She's her rock, she's been there through the good and the bad. Sure, they have their differences but Peyton's pretty certain that no single person knows more about her than Brooke Davis. That doesn't mean to say she always enjoys her friends interfering ways, like now for example.

'Fine!' She concedes, spinning round abruptly. She knows the glamourous fashionista isn't going to let it drop, she's going to tease, nag and pry until she incites a response that is worthy to her greedy ears. 'Fine. You win. I'm fucking him alright? Happy?'

Brooke's mouth drops, her eyes almost bulging out of her head with excitement.

'What?' Peyton cries. 'You just said-'

'I didn't really think you were fucking him, I was just messing! Your fucking him?"

She grimaces. It's too late in the game to claim she was joking too. 'Why're you looking at me like that?' She rolls her eyes in exasperation instead.

'It's hot' The brunette says approvingly. 'You've been holding out on me P Sawyer'

'You can't tell anyone' Peyton hastens to add. 'We're just having fun and we're not letting it affect Jamie so we're not telling anyone' She babbles.

'Huh. Well you're going to have to start putting on a better act if that's the case cause that kid may be wearing blinkers but he's not entirely stupid. If you two carry on with displays like that he'll be calling you mummy and daddy by the end of the month!'

'Brooke' Peyton pouts.

'I wish you weren't soaking wet right now. I feel like hugging you'

Peyton smiles despite herself.

'I'm happy for you P'

'How do you go from crude to sappy in the space of a second?' Peyton taunts, awkwardly unbuttoning her jeans.

'It's one of my many talents. Seriously though. You deserve this. I know I wasn't as close to Hales and Nate as you were and I know I've not exactly been a hundred percent for this whole Mummy Sawyer role you've taken on but you seem happy and if that's because of that man in there then-'

'Brooke it's not serious'

'Okay'

'It's not'

'Okay'

'It's not'

'How many times do you want me to say okay?'

Peyton scowls and tosses her wet shirt at the smirking designer. 'Go find me something to wear'

'I dunno, I think he'd appreciate your attire right now- want me to take Jamie for a few ho-'

'Brooke! Clothes. Now'

'Okay, okay, I'm going'

* * *

Peyton peers around the kitchen doorway.

He's washing up remnants from the day and it doesn't matter how many times she catches him doing small tasks such as this, she's still taken by surprise because he's capable. More than capable of handling all of this. Sure she thinks Jamie would miss it if she wasn't present as much but she's beginning to think she's not exactly needed.

Her presence hasn't gone unnoticed, he looks over his shoulder.

'She's gone' Peyton smiles. As much as she enjoys Brooke Davis' company, she wasn't exactly prepared for the visit and certainly not for divulging details of the relationship she's recently embarked upon.

'So that was like your best friend or something?' Lucas wipes his wet hands on his jeans, leaving the dirty plates to focus his attention on her fully.

'Yeah. She' something else entirely'

'She seemed nice'

'Of course you think that' She teases, everyone likes Brooke Davis. 'Where's Jamie?'

'In bed'

'That was quick'

'Yeah, I think we wore him out' He's looking her up and down and she self consciously tucks a curl behind her ear. She's wearing one of his t-shirts and some sweat pants that are just about staying up.

'Yeah- my stuff's wet so I stole-'

'It's cool. I like it'

She looks down. She doesn't know if he wants her to go or not. 'I've chucked my stuff in the dryer when they're done I'll go'

He nods once and then he's spurting something out so quickly that her eyes snap up 'I'm sorry about how I was this morning' He shrugs. 'I was a dick to you. I just I've never had anything. No money or shit but now this has all been thrust upon me and I don't want to screw this up, for Jamie's sake'

She smiles softly 'I know Luke, it's alright' She nods gently. 'But you're not screwing anything up. The thing is, Haley and Nate, they were both earning a hell of a lot, I couldn't take on this house-'

'I know that-'

'Maybe you should consider selling'

His brow furrows and he squints at her 'Selling?'

'Yeah, I mean. There's just you and Jamie and this house is crazy big'

'This is his home. This is all he knows'

'It's not the house that makes it his home Luke. It was the people in it that made it his home. They're not here anymore though. And his home is with you and he'll be ok wherever you go, as long as you're there too and you've said before this feels like their house not yours, maybe you should find somewhere that feels like yours'

He shifts his weight. He's thinking he doesn't know what a home feels like. To him a home has been a roof over his head, bricks and mortar. There's never been any sentimental value, never an attachment. Never any sense of belonging. He doesn't tell her that though, instead he answers 'I don't know'

'Why don't you think about it' She pushes herself up to sit on the sideboard. 'It's not something you have to decide right now'

'No' He nods. She's right. As usual. He can think about it.

He moves in between her legs, hands resting on her thighs.

'That wasn't so hard was it? Talking about a problem?' Her voice is teasing and he frowns.

'Don't get all patronising, bitchy Peyton on me'

She scowls back.

'I'm not bitchy'

'You were. When I arrived'

'You were a jerk' She prods his chest. 'Who spent more time looking at my ass than my face'

'Hey you did your own ogling'

Her furrowed brow softens because she knows they both could've behaved better and now, looking back on those first initial weeks she doesn't know why the attraction between them wasn't painfully apparent to her, because it sure is now.

'Do you want to stay?' He fiddles with the bottom of his t-shirt that drowns her body.

'Stay?' She verifies. A knot in her stomach has suddenly formed. It's excitement.

Every time she's stayed over it's not been through invitation. The first being because it was too late, the second because she fell asleep.

He's point blank asking her.

'You don't have to-'

'No-I mean yes, I'd like that' She can't stop her lips from curving up into a big smile and she thinks perhaps her mother's right, perhaps she is glowing and perhaps she is happier and perhaps it is because of a certain man, perhaps it's entirely because of Lucas Scott.


	12. Chapter 12

There's a maze of card board boxes littering the floor.

Peyton can remember it looking like this once before.

She was here that day, four years ago. When Haley and Nathan Scott moved into this house. She was here, helping unpack their belongings.

It had been so exciting. It had been the beginning of a happy life. It was a family home, for a big family.

Only now, she's stood in _their_ bedroom, surrounded by boxes for a different reason altogether.

Her fingers run over the blue silky material of a cocktail dress and then she's reluctantly dropping it into an open box. She finds herself trapped in memories of her friend. She finds herself longing for Haley James Scott.

She misses her sweet voice. She misses the constant shoulder that was always there to lean on. She misses that most of all.

She knows she's got Brooke, she knows she's not alone but Haley had a way with advice, Haley had a way of making everything alright; she was sunshine and optimism, she was hope and Peyton misses her friend's uplifting smile. She misses it all.

'Why're we doing this?' Jamie's voice is muffled from the back of the open cupboard.

She forces herself back into the now and smiles down at him.

She'd considered doing this while he wasn't around but his therapist had declared it would be good for him to be present.

'Why do you think we're doing it honey?' She crouches down and joins him in his hiding place.

He's silent for a long while. He's been pretty much silent for the last half hour, quietly inspecting as his Mother and Father's clothes are packed away.

'Cause they can't wear them no more' He finally decides. He's clutching a blue toy car. He likes this cupboard. He likes the shoe boxes. He likes making ramps with the lids to make his car roll down.

'That's right' Peyton takes his little hand. 'Don't you think it would be nice if we gave all of these clothes to people that need them? I think your Mumma and Daddy would've liked that'.

He looks up at her with worried eyes. 'I don't have to give them mumma's jersey?' He refers to the one piece of his mother's clothing that has been a great comfort over the months. In the beginning he'd been inseparable from it, Peyton had begun to think that perhaps he'd be going off to high school with it still draped over his shoulder. He's come a long way though and now mainly just has it in his bed as a treasured item that is hugged throughout the night.

'No, no' She soothes quickly. 'That's yours sweetie'

He relaxes and shuffles onto his knees, shooting his car down it's make shift road.

She's sitting amongst the remaining clothes that are hanging. There's not many left now.

She pulls out the one piece that makes her overwrought with emotion.

It's been kept in a transparent clothes bag and looks as beautiful and immaculate as the day it was worn.

'Did you know that you were inside your mumma's tummy when she wore this one Jimmyjam' She fingers the luxurious cream satin.

Jamie stops what he's doing to look up at the precious gown above them. 'I was?'

'Uhuh. You were right there with them when they got married. It's kinda cool huh?'

He nods idly.

'Would you like to keep this one?' She takes his little hand. 'We can put it away somewhere safe and one day, when you're lots, lots bigger and you marry yourself a pretty girl, she can wear it'

He screws up his nose because he's five and the prospect of marriage isn't something that ever crosses his mind.

'I'm never getting married' He informs her.

'No?'

'No way'

Peyton laughs. 'Why not?'

'Cause girls are bossy and girls like pink'

'Really? Cause I'm a girl Jamie Scott and I'll have you know I don't like pink one little bit and I don't think I'm that bossy'

He clambers onto her lap and grins. 'That's cause your a growed up' He tells her simply.

'Well one day you'll be a grown up honey, and maybe one day you'll want to get married'

He doesn't look so sure.

'And anyway even if you don't it's a nice thing to keep of your Mumma's don't you think?'

He shrugs and snuggles close, his head on her shoulder.

'You okay buddy?'

He nods.

She wonders if this is all wrong, if she should have done this alone.

'Do you want to go downstairs and make some lunch with me?'

He doesn't verbally answer but his arms and legs tighten around her and she takes that as a no.

'Okay, we can sit in here as long as you like'

He relaxes then.

So she sits there, holding him to her chest and stroking his back and they stay there for a long while and she thinks about Haley and Nathan and then most suddenly Jamie seems to snap out of his little daze and announces he's got things to do downstairs, very important things like lego and Peyton smiles and escorts him downstairs and hopes to god that even though his Mother and Father are no longer here, that they're enough. _They _being herself and Lucas and for the first time she's thinking of them as a they and not a her and him but it doesn't freak her out, it makes her more confident because looking after Jamie with someone is a hell of a lot easier than going it alone.

* * *

She's had a busy couple of days, trying to catch up with some work deadlines. Her work use to be her life but now it seems to have taken a backseat but she's not concerned.

It's late and she knows Karen is probably busy shutting up shop but she wants to ask the older woman about her baking expertise because Jamie's birthday is coming up she wants it to be perfect and she's the definition of hopeless when it comes to making cakes.

She can see the that the lights are still on as she approaches.

She assumes the front exit will be locked so she heads down the side ally and walks through the back entrance, pausing quietly on the other side of the swinging door that leads to front of house. She can see the brunette's figure through the circular window, hunched over, wiping down the tables and she smiles fondly.

She can remember doing that little job at nine years old and proudly smiling up at Karen when she thanked her for being her little star.

She's about to make her presence known, but the bells on the front entrance have rung out, signalling someone's arrival. The cafe's closed. She knows that. She's just driven by. She saw the closed sign hanging in the window, dissuading any more customers from venturing inside.

A deep voice is speaking and curiosity keeps her standing in her spot, hidden.

Karen's body has turned slightly and she has a view of the older woman's face, she's holding herself tall and defensive and Peyton is suddenly worried. Her hand delves into her pocket, seeking out her phone in the eventuality that she may need to call someone for help.

Her mind is buzzing.

She's gone from thinking that perhaps it was just a persistant customer, to a looter seizing their opportunity while Karen was alone and at her most vulnerable.

It's after hours and the voice is raised and angry and asking if they're alone.

She doesn't have a visual on the visitor but she hears Karen say that she's closed for the day and suggests they leave.

The voice doesn't leave though. The voice speaks again.

Peyton rolls onto her tippy toes, her hands grasping the door frame, careful not to put her weight on the swinging door.

She's straining her ears.

She knows something's not right.

She thinks perhaps she's eaves dropping on a conversation she shouldn't be hearing because she's just heard Lucas' name. Loud and clear. And suddenly she's even more alert.

She knows she should make her presence known then but she doesn't.

She knows but she can't seem to force her legs to move.

She can clearly see Karens face. She can see the anxiety in the woman's eyes and the shadow of a man looming nearby.

He speaks again, this time softer and this time Peyton hears the voice, or more precisely she establishes whom the voice belongs to and she's standing still for a whole different reason.

'What do you mean you don't know why?'

A hand is being wavered threateningly over the counter and Peyton's thankful that Karen has moved herself safely behind it. Safely away from him.

Karen doesn't seem as threatened as Peyton feels though; her eyes have narrowed, her features are hard and uncompromising.

'I mean I don't know why!' She growls. 'You need to leave'

'You don't get to do this Karen, you don't have a fucking say do you hear me? This is in the past. You don't get to bring it all up. You don't get to ruin my marriage, you don't get to ruin my career. You keep your god damn mouth shut'

Blood is rushing through her ears.

She's torn completely, half of her wants to run in there and tell him not to speak to her like that and half of her is desperate to stay put, to hear more, to try and grasp what their words mean.

He leans over the counter and she can suddenly fully see him through her peep whole and it sends her reeling back; she can't stand Dan Scott at the best of times but the rage in his eyes propels her feet back on their own accord.

The stacked pots and pans balanced on the work surface behind her are quick to clatter to the floor as she stumbles into them. The loud commotion pierces through the loud exchange of words in the adjoining room.

Peyton's eyes slam shut, grimacing.

A saucepan's lid gives an encore performance, spinning a few feet away on the tiled floor, lengthening the almighty noise until eventually it teeters, landing with a final clash.

She opens her eyes.

Karen is standing in the doorway and she can hear the bells jangling cheerily in Dan's wake.

He's gone.

'Peyton' Karen's smile is forced. 'What're you...?'

'Sorry I'm such a cluts' She hastily crouches down to gather the shiny cooking utensils.

'Leave that honey'

She doesn't though, she efficiently reorganises the disaster zone that she's created and then she's looking at Karen. 'Are you okay?' She asks warily.

'Oh yes, why wouldn't I be?'

'Well' Her hand points toward the door. 'I thought...-'

'Oh that. That was nothing honey- just Dan Scott being Dan Scott. What can I do for you anyway?' She changes the subject, her eyes expectant and Peyton doesn't dare to pry any further.

'Oh yeah, I'm sorry to drop by when you're closing up for the day and I didn't mean to scare you back here!'

'Nonsense. You didn't'

'You want some help out there?' She wants to help, she wants to understand what she just overheard.

Karen waves her arm and shakes her head. 'No, no. I'm about done. You just missed your Mum'

'I was after you anyhow'

'Oh really?' Karen combs her fingers through her hair, brushing it away from her flustered rosy cheeks. 'What can I do for you then?'

'Well' Peyton bites her lip. 'I was wondering if you could do me a favour'

'Anything'

Peyton smiles because if there's anyone in this town that can be guaranteed to aide you in anyway it was Karen Roe.

'It's Jamie's birthday next weekend'

'Oh really?' Karen smiles. 'You need a cake?' She assumes with a knowing glint in her eye.

Peyton laughs. 'Yes. You know me too well'

'I can't really ever forget the cookies you tried to poison your mother and me with, I don't want to inflict that upon anyone else, especially Jamie'

'I was seventeen' Peyton protests. 'But I'm probably just a useless!' She adds. 'He's really into star wars and space ships and stuff like that at the minute- I was thinking maybe something under that theme'

'I'm sure I can sort something out'

'Thank you Karen. I'm hopeless at the whole cake making thing. I'm sure Hales would've made some masterpiece'

Karen reaches for her hand. 'Honey, you're doing great and Haley and Nathan couldn't be more proud, I promise you that'

The blonde avoids the caring gaze on her. 'I hope so'

'I know so'

Her eyes have gone watery. She's been a bit emotional today having cleared out her friends bedroom and she's been doubting her abilities in being there for Jamie in the same way Haley was because she'll never be as good at this mothering thing as Haley had been.

She blinks and smiles thankfully at Karen because not that the older woman knows it but she's just made her feel a whole lot better.

'What're you doing Saturday? I'd like it if you came too? To Jamie's birthday' She invites.

'Oh I dunno honey. I don't think-'

'I'm sure Jamie would too'

'I'll, I'll see'

'Okay. Good' Peyton knows that's a good response, it's not a no after all. She knows Karen keeps herself to herself, she knows she likes to spend holidays alone but she does pop round to Anna and Larry's from time to time and Peyton thinks she'll enjoy a day out. 'I better get going, Lucas was teaching Jamie to make a sling shot when I left. The next door neighbours are going to have a broken window, I just know it' She rolls her eyes and smiles just the same.

'You seem like you're getting on with him, Lucas I mean' Karen states, walking the blonde to the exit. 'Your mother said you weren't so fond of him?'

'My mother likes to gossip apparently' Peyton leans on the nearest counter. 'To be honest we kind of started off on the wrong foot but, we, we're getting along now. He's so good with Jamie' She divulges.

'He is?'

'Yes. He's not had it easy-'

'What do you mean? How so?' The brunette cuts off.

Peyton swallows.

'Peyton?' Karen's eyes have changed. They're dark, serious, urgent, demanding.

She's suddenly making more than idle conversation.

She's being more than curious.

Peyton's brow furrows and she adjusts her bag on her shoulder. 'Erm, I...Karen I have to go' She whispers into the thick air. She needs to get out because she knows something's not right. She's confused and she's not about to divulge any of the things Lucas has confided in her.

'Yes. Yes of course' Karen nods briskly, her gently, kind stare back once more. 'Okay. I'll, I'll get that cake to you in the next few days sweetie'

'Thank you' Peton opens the door. 'You should go home. You work too hard' She awkwardly kisses the older woman's cheek and she hates it because there's never any tension between them and suddenly there is and she doesn't understand it one bit. But she doesn't dwell on it because then she's disappearing into the night but she still hears Karen's sad murmur behind her of 'Goodbye darling'

* * *

Peyton is on edge when she enters the house.

She doesn't know if to mention what she's just witnessed. She doesn't want to create an argument nor upset him and she doesn't even really understand what it was anyhow.

'Peyton! Peyton! Peyton!' Jamie's shrill, excited little voice snaps her out of her trance.

She takes a step away from the door, setting her bag and keys on the hallway table. 'Hey you' She looks at him through narrowed eyes.

He's wearing a toothy grin, jumping up and down wildly and he's wearing his pyjama's with a bed sheet draped round his neck acting as a cape and he's flailing a plastic light saber in the air.

'We're going to watch Star Wars in a minute! You're just in time' He spins around and Peyton cringes as he sprints away from her, anticipating him tripping on the billowing sheet and tumbling onto his front.

He doesn't fall though, he slides to a halt and disappears into the living room.

She shakes her head in bewilderment. While she's all for that beaming smile on the child's face, she's a little disconcerted by his eagerness because this is not Jamie, well not the Jamie since his mother and father's death. She ventures into the kitchen keen to know if Lucas is any wiser about the five year old's overly sunny disposition.

He looks up as she enters, he's on his knees, an explosion of popcorn around him.

'Hey' He smiles.

'Hey, what happened in here?'

He brushes the last bits of corn into the dustpan and disposes of its contents in the bin. 'Tornado Jamie' He rolls his eyes and reaches for a fresh batch of pop corn sitting out of reach on the side, he offers the bowl to her and she takes a handful to nibble on.

'He's kind of hyper huh?'

'Yeah...' He sheepishly looks at her. 'He found my coffee on the side, he may have had a few slurps'

'Lucas!' She blurts, coughing on her mouthful in her haste to speak.

'What? It's no big deal'

'No? Look at him' She peers through the adjoining archway, looking at the young child that is busy jumping up and down on the sofas. 'He looks high!'

'I know it's kinda funny though' He joins her in watching the boy in question.

'Yeah now maybe! Good luck at trying to get him into bed later though'

Lucas' face falls and he groans. 'Oh god, it's going to be a long night'

Peyton smiles. 'Note to self- don't let the five year old have your coffee perhaps?'

'Point taken' He mutters. 'Where've you been anyhow?'

'Oh, I was just sorting some work stuff out.'

'Oh?' He quirks his eyebrow. He's keen to know what it is she exactly does but all he's really established is there's this magazine and she draws but he's yet to see any of it. In fact she doesn't really like to talk about herself all that much. She's like him in that sense, but he feels like she manages to get him to divulge a lot more than he ever gets.

'Boring stuff' She deadpans.

She doesn't know why she's lying. She's not lying as such- she has been doing work, she's just not mentioning certain other details of her day. Like the pretty most significant part. The part where she just walked in on some weird altercation between his father and Karen Roe.

'Is everything okay?'

Her eyes jerk up and she forces a bright smile.

'Oh yeah, I'm fine. Sorry just tired.'

He doesn't look so sure. She's acting weird but he doesn't push it. 'Why don't you go sit down then and I'll bring you a drink'

She smiles because he's being sweet and it makes her insides flutter just a little. The thought of curling up on the sofa with a glass of wine and watching some girly film with him is more than appealing. But that's not the reality. She sighs. They're not alone and Jamie is no longer just jumping on the furniture; he's managed to pull one of the arm chairs over to make a cave and thrown all the cushions onto the floor and is instead using them for stepping stones. Peyton knows Haley wouldn't approve of her expensive decor being mistreated so. She looks back over her shoulder at Lucas and he winks and she knows that when he sent her in here just now it was just a ploy for her to deal with the loopy child before her.

She rolls her eyes.

Perhaps he wasn't so sweet after all.

But she doesn't care because then he smirks and it's a panty dropping smirk and she doesn't want sweet. She wants Lucas.

She turns quickly before she throws herself at him, her eyes focusing on the little boy in their care.

'Sweetie what're you doing?' Peyton tries to sound stern but she's amused because he's completely immersed in his little game.

'Playin Star Wars' He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Of course, she thinks.

'Well I thought you wanted to _watch_ Star Wars'

'Uhuh' He scrambles out from his makeshift cave.

'Well why don't we tidy this up so-'

'No!' He whines. 'Pleaseee. I wanta lay on the floor, see I made a giant bed!'

'I can see'

'Please, we can have a sleepover! Can we?'

'Okay'

'You'll stay?'

'Oh, I dunno about that honey-'

'Please' He pouts and she relents instantly because he's Jamie and she's not very good at saying no to those blue eyes.

'Okay, okay, but you gotta calm down and come sit'

Jamie grins and attempts to do as he's told but then Lucas is in the room and he's on his feet again announcing to his uncle that Peyton is staying and they're going to have a sleepover and they're watching star wars.

Lucas nods with a smirk on his face because Jamie is being unusually talkative- in other words he won't shut up.

He hands Peyton her wine and sits down on the floor beside her before pressing play on the remote control. He hopes the film will get Jamie to sit still for longer than five seconds and perhaps calm down a bit.

It works.

Eventually.

Tiredness hits him hard. One minute he's prancing round the living room reenacting the scenes on the big television screen and the next he's slouched in between them on the floor of cushions, his head resting on Lucas and his eyes fluttering and struggling to stay open.

Peyton sneaks off at one point to go and find some bedding and slip into something a little more comfortable. She's not brought anything to sleep in so she helps herself to one of his t-shirts. It's becoming a frequent occurrence. Her in his clothes. He doesn't mind it one bit, he kind of likes it. Likes it a lot.

When she returns the credits are rolling and both Jamie and Lucas are asleep.

They look scarily like father and son. She's sure that anyone that doesn't know their situation would assume so too.

She smiles down at them.

Lucas isn't good at being affectionate, not physically but right now his arm is around Jamie and the little boy's head is resting on his chest and it melts her heart.

She turns the tv off and covers them delicately with a blanket and one of Lucas' eyes open.

'You alright?' He asks gruffly.

'Uhuh' She settles herself the other side of Jamie.

'This is fucking uncomfortable' He mutters. He briefly notes how he's become quickly accustomed to the comfortable bed he has day in day out. Not too long ago he wouldn't of cared about his current sleeping situation; the floor had been a common bed in his past but not anymore.

She smiles. 'It's one night. I'm sure we'll survive'

'Mm' He grunts. 'I'd be much more comfortable if you came over this side'

She shakes her head no and shuffles nearer, her arm moving round Jamie and settling on Lucas' hip. 'This is as close as I'm getting I'm afraid'

His hand covers hers.

'You know I could just take him up to his bed, he's out like a light and then-'

'He wanted to camp out, he'll be upset when he wakes up in the morning'

'Yeah' He concedes. She's right of course. 'It's just-'

'I know' With Jamie sandwiched between them she leans forward and kisses him tenderly. They've not seen each other alone for the last two days and she's surprised at how much she's missed this contact and she knows he has too because he's gripping her face and trying to pull her closer but they've got a child between them and he soon stirs in his sleep and Peyton jumps back and Lucas chuckles and then she's shushing him and her hand is trailing over Jamie's forehead.

The youngster rolls toward her, snuggling up in her inviting arms and he's soon settled once more.

'He's asleep' Lucas assures her.

Her head settles back on the pillow and she yawns. 'Jaime's going to be six next Saturday' She murmurs.

'It's his birthday?' Lucas is suddenly more awake, his wide eyes on Peyton's closed ones.

'Yes'

'I...I didn't know'

'I know, that's why I'm telling you' She looks up at him. 'I was thinking we could throw him a party- nothing big. Just you, me, my parents and Brooke-'

'Yeah. Sure. That's a good idea'

'Good' She cranes her head forward to peck his lips.

It's not passionate or sexual, just a simple press of lips to lips.

It's the kiss of a couple. A kiss that says I'm here. You're not alone. We're together.

Her eyes close pretty much after that and he looks at her and Jamie.

Things have never been more perfect in his life. He's never felt this kind of stability, this kind of happiness and it's unnerving.

But what's most unnerving is knowing that this won't last, because Lucas is realistic and Lucas knows things are bound to get fucked up sooner or later. This seemingly trouble free life he's living is just enveloping him with a false sense of security. He expects disasters because the reality of the situation is, guys like him don't get girls like Peyton Sawyer and a kid that gives him a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

He sighs, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to live in the now, because he didn't like waiting, and waiting he was, for the rug to be pulled from beneath his feet.

He hopes it happens sooner rather than later because he's fallen hard, fallen hard for this new life, is falling harder and harder every day.


	13. Chapter 13

The blue nissan sits on the street every morning.

It's owner in the front seat, her eyes on the big gated house.

She watches him leave every morning.

Mostly it's just a short glimpse of him walking briskly out the gate with the little boy running to keep up. She's come to find that he's not very good at being on time.

Sometimes he's on his own though.

Sometimes the child stands at the door with the blonde haired beauty she knows so well. She holds his little hand and they wave goodbye.

Some mornings, before he comes out, she ventures up to the black railings, her knuckles white as she grips them. Her eyes flitter to the security intercom on the side of the brick pillar, daring herself to reach out to the little button.

She never does though.

Can't.

Fear always has her safely back in her car by 7.25 am, instead waiting for his hasty departure. Waiting for that fleeting moment when she gets to see him, because for those short few seconds she's alive again and now she's started this torturous game she can't stop.

* * *

Peyton's stood over her kitchen table when he walks in through her open back door.

Her hair is tied up on top of her head and she's got a pencil behind her ear and a pen in her hand and his eyes try to take in the drawing on the sheet before her but she notices him and is quick to cover it up. She likes to keep her work private. He's learnt that much.

'What're you doing here?'

'Lunch break' He steps toward her. 'And I, I just need...' He trails off and her mouth is dry because he's not looking at her face, his eyes hungrily work their way down her body.

She knows that look.

Her eyebrows are raised and her lips are smiling and he's a little taken aback because he made her mad this morning when he dropped Jaime off at hers before school. He told her he was going to stop taking the child to see a shrink. They both had very different opinions on the matter. That much was clear. She'd flown off the handle. She didn't understand and he was being selfish but she hadn't been up all night with the kid having nightmares and he'd decided it was a little coincidental that Jamie had had a session the previous day. Peyton had argued that night terrors were something they'd been told to expect time and time again, that she thought Jaime was benefiting from seeing someone. Eventually he'd left when she'd slammed the door in his face.

He'd not spent the last few hours at work feeling bad for the words exchanged though, he'd spent his time fantasising over her because she was hot when she was mad.

'Come here' She urges suddenly.

He hurries to her, hands sliding round her little waist and then his mouth is on hers and his tongue is running over her lips and she's grappling at his forearms because his eagerness is sending her body completely off balance.

'How long do you have?' He groans between kisses.

'Enough time' She decides.

'That's good cause I was going to hold you hostage if not' He lifts her up and spins around, sitting her on the sideboard. 'I've been thinking about this all morning'

'You have?'

'Mm. You're so... hot... when... you're... an...gry' He says between kisses and then she pulls back and is scowling.

'I forgot I'm mad at you' He grins because she's cute and she knows she should be swatting him away because he's smirking but she makes no move to do so.

She's been swamped with work lately and then when they have been together Jamie's been there so they haven't managed to have as much alone time as desired. Trying to conceal their relationship from the child was becoming more and more difficult with each passing day.

His knee shifts her legs apart and his hand is at the crotch of her jeans and she whimpers.

She's never been in a relationship where she quite literally has to have someone but that's what it's like with Lucas. He looks at her and she just wants him to take her then and there and that's foreign to her.

They're in the kitchen and she's never had sex anywhere outside of the bedroom, passion has never engulfed her as it does when she's with him and she finds it thrilling because he's got this glint in his eyes that tells her they're not moving from this spot.

Her back arches as his fingers tug the buttons free on her shirt and she wants to be closer. She wants to be impossibly close. Her head drops into his shoulder and he's muttering something about how it's inconsiderate to wear jeans.

She smiles into his neck and her hands are in his hair and then she's kissing a path to his mouth and his stubbly chin scratches against her porcelain complexion.

His stare is intently on her face as his hand slips beneath her bra, anticipating his name being whimpered through her quivering lips.

'Mum!'

That's not his name.

Not even close.

His head jerks up because that's not what he was so hoping to hear come out of her sweet lips.

She pushes him away with frantic hands and he staggers to the side, head spinning in confusion. He's more than taken aback to see Anna Sawyer standing across from them, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

'I was just bringing the...the birthday cake round, but I, I can see you're busy-' Anna backtracks, clutching a white box in her hands.

'Mum!' Peyton slips of the sideboard, feet thudding on the tiled floor as she hurries after her, re-buttoning the front of her top as she goes.

Anna's in the drive and nearly at her car when Peyton catches up with her 'Mum will you stop!' She hollers.

The older woman does. Abruptly so and Peyton's startled for a moment by her mother's willingness, she's use to repeating herself up to five times over some days before Jamie seems to hear what she's saying. 'Th-thank-you' She mumbles.

Anna stares at her, really stares at her and Peyton can't work it out. She can usually tell what her mother is silently thinking but not this time.

'Mum please say something'

'I...I don't know what to say' She places the cake on the roof of her car. 'I'm, I'm a little lost for words right now'

'I've been meaning to tell you' Peyton tries to placate, wringing her hands together with apprehension.

'Darling don't look so nervous. I'm your mother' Anna admonishes. 'I just...walking in on that took me by surprise'

Peyton's cheeks flush. 'I know, I'm, I'm sorry'

Anna's flustered state has calmed significantly and she studies her daughter's features.

This is her baby girl.

She knows her by heart.

Even from a metre away she can spot the faint scar above her right eyebrow that she attained at just six when she fell out of the tree house. She'd not shed a tear that day and Anna had realised then what a tough little cookie they had on their hands. She can see the freckle that sits near her hairline and although she can't see it, she knows there's the faintest dot on the right side of her nose where she got it pierced at the age of fifteen, despite being told she wasn't allowed. It was the first time she'd rebelled against them and the last come to think of it. Anna smiles slightly as she remembers a young teenage version of the daughter before her. Back then she'd confided every little detail of what was going through her mind to her mother. Anna misses it. While they're still extremely close, she's more than aware that things her daughter has been through has caused her to keep her emotions under wraps these days.

'I thought you didn't like him?' Anna treads carefully.

'I know. You were right though, I didn't give him a chance. But I have now'

'I can see that' Anna smiles coyly. 'So... he's the reason my baby's been smiling so much lately?'

Peyton looks down at the ground and suddenly wishes the earth would split beneath her and swallow her up.

'I-we-it, it's nothing serious Mum' She mumbles.

'Oh darling, I know by that look in your eyes that it's more than serious' Anna disagrees knowingly.

'Mum' Peyton frowns.

'Sweetheart, don't run away from your feelings. It's okay to let someone in, especially if that someone makes you happy-'

'Mum' Peyton cuts off, shaking her head and Anna is wise enough not to continue.

'Right, I get it. I'm interfering' She bites her tongue. 'But...'

Peyton rolls her eyes exasperatedly. 'But what?' She groans tiresomely.

'I'm so happy darling, really I am, I've wanted this for you for so long but, do you think this is wise, what with Jamie, honey?'

'Jamie doesn't know anything'

'Doesn't know?'

'No, because we're hiding it'

'Hiding it?'

'We've just, we're taking things slow'

Anna looks concerned.

'Don't look like that Mum. Please don't worry okay? You have nothing to worry about. I'm fine. Lucas is fine and Jamie is fine. We're all fine'

Anna nods slowly. She's not too sure she agrees because she can see that this boy means something to her daughter, she can see it and what good can come of denying it?

She reaches for Peyton suddenly and pulls her into her arms and hugs her fiercely. 'I just want you to be happy baby. If you're happy, I'm happy'

'I'm happy Mum'.

* * *

'Happy Birthday dear Jamie, Happy birthday too you!'

The chorus of singing is followed by clapping and cheering and the six candles flicker in the gentle breeze but it's Jamie's big blow that extinguishes them.

Blow. Four go out. Blow. One goes out. Blow. The final flame sizzles out, a trail of smoke going up into the air.

Jamie grins up at the people surrounding him. He loves his cake.

There's a moon and stars and a space ship in the very centre that he keeps pointing out to anyone that is interested.

Lucas smiles. Jamie is excited and his happy little face is rubbing off on him. Peyton and him found the most perfect green bike with red stabilisers for the occasion and he's barely gotten off it since he ripped the wrapping paper off that morning.

'So you and Peyton...'

Well news travelled fast. Lucas meets Larry's expectant gaze.

His smile diminishes somewhat because they're about to have _this_ conversation that he doesn't really want, not today. 'I'm sorry'

'Sorry?' Larry's brow furrows. 'What for?'

'Erm...I dunno, for having sex with your daughter?'

Larry grimaces. 'Okay son, that's something I could have done without hearing' He mutters.

'Right' Lucas nods. 'Sorry. You can like hit me or whatever protective father thing you feel like doing' He suggests.

Again Larry laughs. 'Lucas as much as I'll always think of Peyton as my little girl and I don't want to think about her doing _that_, I know she's actually a woman and it'd make me happier than anything to see her happy'

Lucas squirms. 'Right'

'Just don't hurt her. Then I may have a reason to hit you' Larry threatens playfully. In actuality he thinks the younger man could take him down if he really wanted too but Lucas plays along and he's thankful because this isn't joke. They're talking about his baby girl and his baby girl is everything to him.

This conversation makes Lucas feel on edge though and he's thankful when Jamie interrupts, insisting they watch him on his bike.

Their eyes avert to the happy six year old on the patio.

The girls are cutting the cake and Anna smiles in Lucas' direction.

She's been doing that a lot since she got here and he doesn't like it.

Her parent's are being so nice and he's sure that's not normal. He's sure they're meant to be secretly encouraging her to break this off, whatever this is, they should be telling her she's crazy and that she deserves better. But if anything they seem to be one hundred percent on board.

Jamie whizzes past him on his bike. He's got the hang of it pretty quickly and Lucas doesn't doubt that those stabilisers will be coming off before they know it.

He smiles up at Lucas and circles the table, proudly informing Peyton as he passes that he's like lightening McQueen to which the blonde agrees enthusiastically.

Lucas' eyes keep averting to her.

She's wearing a green dress that floats out at her waist, falling to just above her knees and he can't stop looking at those legs and he doesn't understand how they're so long because while her parents are of a reasonable height she's not exactly inherited their body shapes. And then he remembers, she's not theirs, not biologically and he thinks she's pretty fucking lucky. She is. Anna's arm is around her and they're laughing about something and then he hears the doting mother tell her daughter that she looks beautiful today and Peyton rolls her eyes and murmurs an embarrassed thank you before she swats her arm away so she can continue dishing up the birthday cake.

But it seems the small task is destined not to be finished because another guest has found their way around the back of the house and the girls are greeting the woman. He didn't know they were expecting anyone else- just her parents and Brooke, that's what she'd said and he'd sure as hell not invited anyone. He didn't know anyone else to invite. Brooke moves out of his line of vision and then he suddenly has a better look and then everything stops.

Stops.

Literally.

He freezes.

Blood rushes through his ears.

His stomach turns.

He feels dizzy.

But as quickly as he feels it, he's blinking back into focus and he's angry. Livid. Mad.

He can feel his cheeks burning hot with fury and he doesn't know when he moved this close but he's standing next to Peyton and speaking in her ear. 'A word?' He says lowly and then he's stalking toward the house.

Peyton glances at their newest guest nervously, her mouth suddenly dry. 'Er, Karen, I'll...I'll be right back, Brooke here will get you some cake' She forces a smile and looks at her best friend pointedly before turning and heading in the direction that Lucas just disappeared.

He's pacing back and forth when she finds him, his sneakers squeaking out in protest against the kitchen's tiled floor.

'What's wrong?'

'What's wrong?' He snorts, stopping abruptly before her and grabbing her. 'What the hell Peyton!'

She reels back, jumping at his loud voice.

'What?' She exclaims, yanking her arm out of his hold.

He's angry and it makes her nervous.

She's not seen him like this.

'Why the fuck is she here?' He reaches for her again but she steps back to avoid being ensnared in his death grip.

'Can you keep your voice down please' She seethes. Her feet carry her into the adjoining utility room because she's scared they're going to attract attention from outside.

He follows. 'I don't want her here. You had no fucking right' He shuts the door heavily behind him.

The washing machine is on and it's thrumming loudly in the compact space and her voice rises to travel over it.

'Lucas it would help if I knew what the hell you were talking about' She hisses. She has a good idea who he's referring to though.

'Karen' He blurts with disdain. 'She. Is. Not. Welcome. Here'

Her eyes narrow and she swallows. She's not surprised though and she knows it's now or never. She knows this is her chance to find out the truth. To understand.

'You said it had nothing to do with her but she is the reason, she's why you didn't want Jamie in the cafe that day'

He grits his teeth.

'I told you to drop it'

'I did!' She snaps. 'I did drop it. But she's asked after you Luke and the other morning I saw her parked outside the house. I know it was her. And I, I heard her and Dan arguing the other night and you... you, I know they were arguing about you and-'

'Stop' He cuts off. She's standing next to the wall and she's got no where to go and his grabby hands are quick to find her shoulders. 'Can you just leave it alone'

'No!' She exclaims. 'No I won't'

He shakes her but she's not scared. She's not scared of him. She thinks perhaps she should be because his eyes are dark and he looks ready to kill but she knows he's incapable of hurting her. She knows he's not mad at her, he's mad about what they're discussing and she just wants to understand.

'Luke tell me'

She knows it's not just about him being mad. It's deeper than that.

She reaches out and runs her fingers through his hair and then she's holding his face.

He's panting and she can feel his rage shivering through his body.

'Baby, please. Let me in' She whispers.

He licks his lips and tilts his head so his forehead is pressed to hers and then his eyes close tight and she waits.

Waits. Waits. Waits. Waits until she's sure she's not going to get an answer.

But then he's confiding. He's telling her something she thinks a part of her has known for a while now but it is in no way easy to hear and she's not prepared.

His voice is nothing but a quiet croak and it can barely be heard over the noise of the washing machine but she hears. She hears.

'She's my mother'

She's had her speculations but as his whispered confession drifts across her parted lips, all she can think is it's not possible because it's too crazy and just so unfitting because Karen is wonderful and she doesn't want to think badly of her.

But she is.

Because his nose is against hers and he's taking heavy breaths. In, out. In, out. And she feels his suffering. She feels his pain. She feels what he's feeling and she wants to make it all better and in that moment she hates Karen. She hates her and she never knew it was possible to love and hate someone all at once.

In her silence Lucas' hand creeps beneath her floaty dress and his eyes open, dark and desperate as his finger skims intentionally across her underwear.

'Luke' She shakes her head, distracted from the thoughts buzzing round her head. 'No everyone's out there' Her hands find his wrists but they do little good because he's stronger.

'I need you' He hoists her leg up around his hip and then he's pressing her against the wall so his hands can get his pants undone and she can feel that he needs her. And she wonders how he went from telling her something pretty damn big to trying to get her panty's down.

She tries to stay focused because she's aware that her parents and Brooke and Karen and most importantly Jamie are all lurking nearby and this isn't appropriate. Not at a six year old's birthday party. But she's also struggling to see sense because she's overwrought, because Peyton Sawyer does not do things like this. She does not have sex up against the wall in a utility room whilst meant to be hosting a party. 'Luke everyone-'

'I know, you'll just have to stay quiet won't you?' he gives no space for arguments and she resolves to the fact that this is happening. She loves that he needs her so desperately, so desperately that he won't take no for an answer. She likes feeling needed a whole lot and she wants so badly to help him in any way she can.

The washing machine surges on, the drum rattling loudly as water pumps round and round.

This has all happened so quickly that she's not quite prepared when he pushes into her. She bites down hard on her lip and throws her head back into the wall and she wants to scream out but she can't.

As soon as he's inside her everything's better.

He grunts out a heavy breath of relief and guides her hips.

It's quick. Too quick to remove clothing and that barrier between them makes their movements even more frenzied.

It's over quick. But she feels everything, she's overwhelmed by everything she feels. Not just physically but emotionally.

His mouth covers her frequently to drown out the noises she's making.

And with every second he draws closer to the edge and he tells her when he's so very near and she drops her head onto his shoulder as they come together, her biting down to stop the whimpers from passing through her lips.

Their ragged panting and racing hearts serenade the washing machine that has slowed to a gentle whirl, as the water drains away.

He rests his head in the crook of her neck and her hands stroke through his hair soothingly.

'I'll tell her to leave' She musters after a few silent minutes.

He lets her legs down then and her hands grapple at his shoulders to find her balance.

He looks at her. He wants to say sorry. Sorry for shouting. Sorry for fucking her against the wall because she deserves luxurious cushions and gentle caresses.

But he doesn't say any of that. She doesn't need to hear any of that because she doesn't want him to be sorry.

'Thank you' He nods instead.

She shakes her head. He shouldn't say thank you. Doesn't need to because this isn't his fault.

'I'm sorry I asked her here'

'You didn't know' he shakes his head. 'She...she's a part of your life and you, you shouldn't have to-'

'You're a part of my life and I don't, I don't want her here' She holds his hands and rolls forward onto her tippy toes, pressing a kiss to his open mouth. 'I'll go ask her to leave'

* * *

Peyton walks out of the laundry room and through the kitchen on unstable legs.

She feels all shaky for a number of a reasons.

She wants to yell at Karen. She wants to ask her question after question. She wants to understand. She wants to tell her to get out. She wants to go lock herself in the bathroom and cry. Cry for Lucas. Cry for Karen.

Her heart leaps into her throat as she rounds the corner into the hallway.

There stands the woman that has her feeling so sick.

Karen is seemingly aware of what she's about to be asked because her bag is on her shoulder and her jacket is over her arm.

'I should go right?' She asks.

Peyton swallows.

Everything she's ever felt for this woman, everything she's thought about Karen Roe, it's all under siege.

She's torn.

Lucas is at the forefront of her mind.

His frantic touch still burns her skin and she can't stop seeing the pained look in his eyes.

And she, Karen, is the reasoning behind it all.

'I, you...' She looks down because she can't stare into the older woman's kind, dark eyes. 'Yes' She nods finally. She opens her mouth to say more but words don't come.

'It's okay honey. You don't need to say anything. I'll see you soon and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. Not today' Karen turns herself toward the door but pauses to look over her shoulder before departing. 'Tell him I'll wait...for as long as he needs' She murmurs softly. 'Tell him I just want to talk, that's all'

Peyton doesn't answer and Karen doesn't expect her to. For she knows that she gave up any right she had as a parent a long time ago, she gave up that right when she signed the papers to give up her child, she gave up the right to just talk to him and he has every right to not want to know her.

* * *

'You look like you could do with another drink' Brooke smiles, offering him a chilled beer straight from the fridge.

He gladly takes it. He really wants to just go outside with his cold beverage and smoke a cigarette but that would be rude. 'Thanks.'

Brooke pulls herself up onto the sideboard and sticks her finger in the icing of the remaining cake. 'So' She sucks the sweetness from her forefinger and watches him open his beer and take a swig. 'You and Peyton huh?'

Lucas sighs, his stare reluctantly trailing back to the chirpy brunette.

He's quick to decide that he's not overly keen on that smiling face.

Smiling that much is just not normal, surely.

'Not you too' He murmurs.

It's making him feel uncomfortable.

It was easy when it was just him and Peyton. It was theirs and theirs alone but now, in less than twenty four hours he's sure the whole town knows.

He's never experienced this before, he's never experienced such interest in who he's sleeping with.

He guesses it's cause he's not just sleeping with her though, it's not as simple as that. Not anymore, he supposes it's never been as simple as just that. But it hadn't bothered him because it was just them.

'She's my best friend, protecting her is what I do best' Brooke defends. 'So, are you going to make this painful? Or are you just going to give me the details'

'Details?' His eyes squint at her.

'Yeah- what's your story Lucas?'

'Er, right' He shifts his weight. 'Well, what do you want to know?'

'Where were you born?'

'Around here. Moved to Charlotte when I was little. Grew up there...' He trails off.

'That's all I'm getting?'

'I don't think I know you enough for you to get anymore' He taunts.

She pouts.

'So _you_ and Peyton huh?' He throws back at her instead.

She smiles because he's confident and seemingly doesn't give a shit what she thinks about him and she thinks that's good for Peyton because she needs someone to bring out her self confidence.

'Yes. I'm her number one Honey, always will be. Hoes before bros always'

His nose crinkles. 'Well _Honey_, she doesn't scream your name when-'

'Okay buddy' Brooke puts her hands up to stop him. 'Please don't finish that sentence because she'll be screaming for a whole different reason if she hears you' She smirks.

'What're you two doing?'

Both of their heads twist to look round.

Peyton is standing behind them, hand on hip, eyes curious and expectant and the first thing he notes is that she looks uncomfortable. She looks uneasy.

'Just talking' Brooke's voice rasps gently.

Lucas nods in confirmation.

Peyton's head bobs slowly but she's crossed her arms defensively infront of her chest and she's shifting her weight and Lucas wonders why she's not happy about them talking.

'What about?

'Well, your best friend is nosey, she's been trying to get my whole life story out of me'

'Without a whole lotta success' Brooke sighs dramatically.

Lucas pats the back of the sofa and Peyton perches awkwardly there under his urging.

'Is Jamie okay?' He asks.

'Yeah, he's playing with my dad...You were talking about me' Her eyes are on her friend, narrowed and questioning and Lucas watches a silent conversation take place and then Brooke is speaking.

'Sweetie, the only thing we have in common is you, you're kind of a good topic' She stands and squeezes Peyton's hand and Lucas watches the exchange. 'Was nothing. Promise' She winks. 'I'm going to go help your Mum tidy up out there'

'You okay?' He inquires when they're alone because she's watching after Brooke and he's not sure what their conversation was just about but it seemed like it was more than he understood.

'Yeah. Just, she likes to gossip sometimes-'

'Well I got the impression she didn't have a bad word to say about you'

Peyton licks her lips and he tugs her over the back of the sofa and she gasps and squeals as she lands in his lap.

'Why do I get the feeling you're keeping secrets?' He taps her nose.

'Huh' She smiles. 'You're one to talk'

He nods, finger trailing over the lines on the palm of her hand soothingly.

'Thank you for getting rid of her Peyt. I can't. I don't want...'

'It's okay. I understand'

'I wasn't very nice to you earlier though and there's no...' He stops talking because she's sat up right and is moving off of his lap and he doesn't know what he's done wrong.

She doesn't venture far though but something's different. She's different.

'Can you get my Mum?' Her eyes are closed and she's holding onto the arm of the sofa with both hands.

'What's wrong?' His hand is on her knee as his neck cranes to see her face.

'I just...can you get...'

'Peyton?'

Her body sways and his hands spring out to stop her toppling from the seat.

'Peyton?'

His body tenses as he looks down at her.

He hopes she's fooling around, trying to distract him from the train wreck that today was.

But if that's the case it's not funny.

Not funny at all.

It quickly becomes apparent to him that she's not doing anything of the sort. Of course she's not.

But with that realisation comes fear.

Her body is heavy in his arms and he's cradling her awkwardly and her eye lids are fluttering and her body is jerking.

'Peyton' Panic arises in the back of his throat, he's trying to yell. He's trying to get someone's attention but no sound is coming out and then her body is more than just shaking, it's convulsing; her limbs stiff and thrashing uncontrollably.

He sinks to the ground with her, her legs inevitably thumping on the wooden flooring and then he's yelling.

He's not aware of the string of words that're coming from his mouth, he's shouting Anna and Larry's name over and over. He's telling them to come quickly. He's telling them to do something.

But his eyes don't leave her.

He's holding her head on his lap but he's struggling to do so and he's worried he's doing completely the wrong thing but he can't let go because he's scared she'll hurt herself on the hard floor. 'Peyton'

And then suddenly the room is full and Larry is gently urging Lucas out of the way and Anna is kneeling beside her and speaking in a calm and gentle voice and telling her it's okay. It'll be okay. And everyone is so fucking calm. Accept Lucas.

Lucas isn't calm.

Not at all.

He stumbles back against the sofa, moisture welling in his eyes, blurring the humdrum of commotion going on before him.

And all he can think is this is not okay.

This is in no way okay.

And he needs her to be okay. He needs her.


	14. Chapter 14

'Lucas are you okay sweetie?' Anna is looking at him and he blinks.

Blinks once, twice, three times.

He thinks he's forgotten to breathe.

He manages a quick nod and inhales sharply. He doesn't have a clue how much time has passed but she's not moving now. She's just laying there, her head on a cushion and Larry's hand soothing over her brow and for all Lucas knows she's dead and no one seems to be panicking.

Accept him.

He's sitting on his legs awkwardly and he's got pins and needles but he can't move, he can't take his eyes off of her.

Her dress is twisted and bunched up round her waist and he watches Anna gently tug it down to conceal her underwear.

'Ambulance' He mutters suddenly, the words hoarse from his dry mouth. 'We need to-'

'She's okay honey' Anna's kind eyes are back on him. She moves toward him and he wants to put his hands in the air to keep her away because she should be beside Peyton right now. She should be beside her daughter, not trying to console him. 'She'll come round, she's okay. I know it's tough to watch'

He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand one little bit.

'I gots her a drink!'

His eyes jolt away from the motionless blonde for the first time, shocked to see Jamie hurry toward them followed closely by Brooke and he thinks the six year old shouldn't be in here right now. He thinks the six year old is bound to be upset right now and he thinks he should be acting like his guardian by removing him from the situation but he can't. He can't step up to that role right now because he's in shock.

'Thanks buddy. Good job' Larry takes the glass from him and sets it down on the floor and then Jamie is kneeling beside Peyton, his little head laying next to hers.

'What's wrong with her?' Lucas abruptly asks. He's aware he sounds angry. He is angry. He's angry because he's come to the conclusion that they all know something he doesn't, including Jamie.

'She didn't tell you?' Anna's soft voice sounds next to him, her hand on his shoulder. 'She didn't tell you she has epilepsy?'

Lucas doesn't respond. He doesn't really know what that means.

Epilepsy. Epilepsy. Epilepsy.

'Honey I'm so sorry, I just assumed you knew, otherwise I would've explained what was going on' The doting mother sympathises. 'She's okay'

He squints down at the girl in question; Peyton's eyes are flittering and then they're half open but Lucas isn't convinced that she's seeing despite Jamie's sudden smiling and chattering at her as though she's just awoken from sleep like Snow White.

'Here, come sit with her and see for yourself' Anna insists.

He doesn't want to. He needs air. He wants to call an ambulance. He has questions and he wants answers and he wants them now.

But his brain and mouth can't seem to function together. Under Anna's pleading he slowly creeps forward to where she's laying on the floor, so fragile, so delicate, so vulnerable.

He feels sick but he stays put because there's a flicker of something in her dim green eyes, a flicker of understanding.

Jamie sees it too and is tugging at her hand and in his excitement his face is directly over hers.

'Don't do that kido' Lucas murmurs as the birthday boy grows more impatient with her lack of verbal response.

He doesn't seem to hear Lucas' weak instruction though.

'Jamie honey, why don't you come with me?' Anna pries his little hand away from her daughter and lifts him up to standing in one swift movement.

'But-'

'How would you like to stay with us tonight as a special birthday treat?'

'Really? I can?'

'Of course, it's you're birthday after all, come on, we'll go and find your jammy's upstairs and then when we get back Peyton will be feeling a lot better'

Lucas is relieved when Anna takes the little boy out of the room, relieved that she's taking over his role as carer because right now he can't physically function on anything other than Peyton.

Larry is still sitting behind his daughter and Brooke has knelt down on the opposite side and he feels like this is a dream. That this isn't happening.

Can't be, because she's perfect and things like this shouldn't happen to her. It's not fair.

'Are you sure she's okay? Are you sure we shouldn't call an ambulance?' He's getting anxious, like Jamie he's growing impatient to hear her speak, to know she's okay, he thinks only then will he be satisfied that she's going to be alright.

'She'll be a little better in a few minutes son' Larry reassures him. 'She's usually a bit confused and tired after'

They sit in silence.

Lucas' mind races. He wonders how often this happens. He wonders why she never told him. He wonders why, why, why her.

Her eyes seem to gain more focus and while his brain is in turmoil she breaks through the silence, muttering something unintelligible and Lucas suddenly feels the knot in his stomach loosen.

'You're okay darling. It's over' Larry lifts her slightly so she's slouched against his chest and his hand finds hers, his thumb drawing soothing circles over her palm.

Lucas wants that hand in his.

He wants so very badly to reach out and touch her.

But he doesn't.

They wait. Wait. Wait.

She's dazed and confused and even though her eyes are fully open now, she seems to be in a trance.

'Here, why don't you have a drink sweetie' Brooke's voice breaks through Lucas' transfixed stare and he watches as the brunette holds the glass of water up to the blonde's lips and after a few strained sips she exhales heavily, her droopy head resting back against her attentive father.

'Was...it bad?' She asks gruffly. Her eyes are closed again and Lucas is on the brink of demanding she open them because it's making him on edge.

'No. Not too long' Is Larry's answer and Lucas almost snorts because it wasn't not too long, not for him, it was the longest moments of his life. 'Do you want anything else sweetheart?'

She licks her lips. 'I'm kay' She blinks her eyes open again and then she's looking directly at Lucas and grimacing away.

He doesn't know if to be upset, mad or disappointed by her reaction to his presence but it stings whichever way he looks at it.

'She's exhausted' The older man's voice drones through him. 'Why don't you take her upstairs to lay down Lucas-'

'I can walk Dad' She abruptly tries to push herself upright and Lucas doesn't care, he doesn't care if she doesn't want him here, he's helping her whether she condones it or not.

'I'm fine!' She protests weakly when his hands slip beneath her slight form, effortlessly lifting her off the hard floor.

'Darling just humour us please' Larry's plea seems to work in stopping her attempting to fight him; her head drops onto his shoulder in defeat and her eyelashes flutter closed once more and Lucas thinks she must be really exhausted if she's done arguing on the matter just like that. And he's thankful. Because he suddenly feels like she's safe, safe within his arms. 'We'll take Jamie- just get her into bed and she'll be fine in the morning' The doting father addresses him with an appreciative smile and he nods dumbly and he thinks he must still look pretty petrified because Larry assures him one last time that 'She's alright' He hopes he's right.

* * *

He wakes up before her the following morning.

In fact he's found it hard to get much shut eye at all. He couldn't stop staring at her throughout the night, couldn't stop himself from reaching out and checking her pulse was still steadily beating.

He's never felt this anxiety before. He's not had many people in his life that he's cared about loosing but he realises now that he can't loose her. Not now. Not ever.

She's sitting on the edge of the bed when he comes to check on her.

The curtains are open and the sun is flickering on her like a golden halo and she's wearing one of his t-shirts that's oversized on her smaller frame and the sight of her leaves him breathless.

He's been downstairs for the most part of the morning. He's been tidying up the mess from the previous day. He's been trying to do all the little things that he knows she will if he hasn't.

'Hey' She smiles when she notices him.

'How're you?' He hovers in the doorway.

'Good. I slept so well. You should've woke me though, it's late' Her eyes look past him 'Where's Jamie?'

'He stayed at your Mum and Dad's last night'

She rolls her eyes. She's use to her parent's fussing but she thinks it's unnecessary. 'There was no need for that- it was his birthday' She feels guilty because she wanted Jamie to have the best of birthday's but she feels like she ruined the happy occasion.

Lucas can read her thoughts and shakes his head. 'I think your parents thought you needed a good nights sleep and Jamie thought it was a pretty great birthday treat anyway'

Her mind is put slightly at ease because if Jamie was happy she can get over it.

'How're you feeling?'

She notes how he's keeping to the other side of the room and he's standing weirdly and she sighs because he's doing what so many people do; he's looking at her like she's got an extra arm or something and she hates it.

'I'm fine Luke' She stretches her hands up above her head and arches her back; she's stiff and achey but she doesn't tell him that.

'Are you?' He contends.

'Yes. It was just a seizure' She confronts the subject that she knows he wants to.

Seizure. Seizure. Seizure.

He keeps seeing her fitting on the floor before him. He can't get that image out of his mind and it terrifies him because there was nothing he could do to stop it.

'I can't believe you didn't tell me about this' He blurts suddenly, his face contorted in frustration. 'What would've happened if no one else had been here Peyton? I wouldn't of known what the fuck was going on. You could've died-'

'I didn't die did I? You would've rung the hospital unnecessarily but that's all that would've been different'

'That's all?' He stalks into the room. 'I'll tell you what would've been different. Had I known I wouldn't have freaked out as much, I could've helped you, I-'

She stands and her hands cup his face and all words cease.

'I'm sorry' She apologises. 'I'm sorry, it just, it's never come up. It's not something I talk about'

'Clearly'

'Luke, I'm fine. I'm not dying or anything, I don't have it severely I just, I get this from time to time and it's really not so bad' She exhales. 'So stop looking at me like I'm going to keel over at any given second' She smiles softly.

He doesn't. She's acting so blase and this isn't something he wants her to be so nonchalant over.

His hand runs over the bruises on her arms that weren't there before and she coaxes his wary eyes to her face. 'That happens sometimes, but I'm not physically scarred for life. I'm fine' She leans forward to kiss him but he withdraws after a split second because he doesn't want to be distracted. He wants to finish this conversation because right now he feels like he's been kept in the dark and he knows he's not exactly been one hundred percent honest with her about him and his life so far but this is different. This involves her health.

'So this is why you got all antsy when me and Brooke were talking last night? You didn't want me to know? You thought she'd told me' He asks, his annoyance shines through as he swivels round, turning his back to her.

She shakes her head vigorously because she's surprised he's bought that up. 'No, of course not. I wasn't antsy'

'Yes. Yes you were' He argues.

She exhales heavily.

'I just...Brooke gossips and...' She trails off. She turns her attention to the and shakes the covers back into place. 'You know these sheets could do with changing'

'Don't change the subject' He's behind her now. He doesn't like the space he's made between them and has a sudden need to have her in his arms.

This territory is out of bounds. Sure they've argued. They've argued a lot. Generally about the six year old that's at the centre of their lives.

But this is different.

They're both so uncertain as to where they stand with each other.

They've both tried to see their relationship as just a bit of fun but their not so stupid as to think it's as simple as that. Not any more.

His feelings about this matter demonstrate that. His hands slide round her small waist, pulling her back against his chest. 'What other secrets are you hiding?' He wonders in her ear. 'Because if they're as big as this one I think I should know. Right now'

'Luke' She leans her head back against his chest and looks up at him.

Her insides are melting because his words are fiery and all because he cares. Cares about her. This doesn't involve Jamie. This is all about her and he cares.

'I'm serious Peyton'

'There's nothing okay. I wasn't keeping this from you, I just hadn't told you yet' She turns in his strong arms, linking her hands around his neck. 'But you know now. Okay? You know' She brushes her nose against his hoping that he'll quit it because they're alone and she wants to make the most of it because they so rarely have this; Sunday's to themselves.

She tilts her head to the side and her tongue teasingly flits over his lips.

She's never had to do this. She's never had to persuade him or try and seduce him.

But right now the last thing on his mind is sex.

But it quickly is because he's a man and he can't ignore the way she smells or her hand that's under his t-shirt, skimming back and forth over his abdomen.

His fingers are quick to fist into her hair, yanking her face closer so he can devour her mouth.

Because despite his many questions, this is easier.

While she's thankful for the stop in conversation she can't not note the shift in the way he's kissing her. Kissing her like he's not seen her in years, like this is their last few moments on earth. It's desperate and frantic and her mind is spinning from lack of oxygen.

'Is it okay for us to do this?' He pants suddenly, his gruff words ghosting across her swollen lips. Her digits are purposefully unbuckling his belt and he knows where this is headed and he doesn't want to harm her in anyway.

She rolls her eyes and laughs. 'For the hundredth time I'm fine'

He doesn't laugh though. His hands stop hers from pulling the zipper on his jeans down.

'I'm sorry this isn't a big deal for you but I've just found out that you have this, this thing and I don't exactly understand what that means and it may not be scary to you but it is to me okay?' He snaps.

She sighs and takes a little step back in resignation.

She doesn't want to talk about this but she doesn't want him to be scared.

'Sit down' She pushes on his shoulders when he doesn't and he sinks onto the edge of the mattress submissively. 'I didn't tell you because I hate it okay? I like to pretend I don't have this thing. That I'm normal. It's embarrassing; there are these moments that I completely loose, that I have no recollection of and while it's happening I have no control of my body. And it's not pretty, I've been out in public before and come to laying on the pavement with a load of strangers surrounding me with wet pants because I've wet myself- do you know how mortifying that is?' She takes a breath and turns away but he pulls her back in front of him and tugs her down onto his lap in one swift movement. 'It's not exactly the kind of thing you want the guy you're sleeping with to see' She mutters.

'Do you really think I'd stop wanting you because of this?'

She avoids his intense stare, instead fiddling with her fingers.

'There's not a single fucking thing that could make you undesirable to me, least of all this. I just want to understand what epilepsy is, so I can help you if it happens? So I'm not useless again' He strokes her cheek affectionately.

'What do you need to know?' Her hands move to fiddle with his t-shirt and she looks up into his concerned face.

'Everything'

She bites her lip. 'Okay' She nods defeatedly. '...well it...it started when I was nearly eighteen. It's a neurological condition and there's no definite trigger but my Doctor seems to think it tends to happen if I'm lacking in sleep or I'm stressed or have had alcohol-'

'You do drink though' He cuts in sharply.

'Rarely and I don't ever over do it' His disapproving look makes her frown because it reminds her of her parents. 'Luke I have the odd glass of wine, I don't go out getting paralytic. It's just my medication I'm not really meant to mix with alcohol-'

'You're on medication?' He has so many questions that he can't help but keep butting into her words.

'Yeah. I take three tablets a day that helps to control it-'

'Well, why did it happen last night then, if-'

'I don't know- I've not had one in a while. As I said it could be down to stress and lack of sleep, because I've not been getting as much lately' She quirks her eyebrow but he doesn't laugh.

'It's not funny' She sucks her lip into her mouth because sure he's being annoying but he's also being pretty adorable and she's not seen him like this. She's not seen him nervous and jittery and anxious and it's all over her. 'This is my fault- I did this-'

'No' She shushes. 'You didn't. Look I'll go see my Doctor tomorrow and he'll run some tests and look at my meds and see if anything needs to be adjusted.' She kisses him with finality. 'Can we stop talking about this now because it's a real turn off and I just want to...' She brings her legs up around him and shifts closer.

'Are-'

'If you ask me one more time if I'm sure I'm okay I'm going to scream. Can you just pretend you don't care'

'Well I do care-'

'Why don't you show me then?'

She thinks he's going to say no because he looks at her long and hard and she's about ready to resign to the fact that contrary to what he says, he doesn't want her this way after last night, that he needs time to register everything.

But then he's shifting her from his lap.

She squeals as her back hits the mattress.

He's quickly hovering over her and her long legs spread to cradle him.

He opens and closes his mouth. He has an overwhelming need to tell her that he's so relieved she's alright. That he didn't loose her.

He has an overwhelming need to tell her many things.

But he doesn't.

Because he doesn't do that. He doesn't talk about feelings and stuff.

He doesn't know how.

She strokes his cheek and smiles up at him. 'Are _you_ okay Luke?'

He nods.

'Are you sure cause...yesterday...with Karen...I...'

His finger covers her lips, silencing her.

Since her fit, Karen has been the last thing on his mind and he's not so keen to talk about her right now.

'I thought you were bored with talking?' He kinks his brow playfully and delights in the way her cheeks blush and then he's kissing her.

Kissing her mouth. Kissing her nose. Kissing her neck.

She loves this. She loves what he does to her. She loves being with him this way.

She arches her back and closes her eyes.

'You're so...so good at this' She mutters softly and he smirks because she's never been the most vocal in the bedroom, well not from his experience anyway but she's recently started saying little things like that and he knows she's not aware of the words that tumble from her mouth but he lives for them.

His hands have her t-shirt hoisted up high and his nose brushes against the waistband of her panties. 'God I want to taste you' He exhales quietly, kissing the fabric concealing her.

He looks up at her and she's looking right back and their eyes stay joined as he drags the black cotton down her legs.

His iris' are almost black once he's rid of her underwear and she anticipates him crawling up her slight form. She collapses back against the pillow and feels a tingling in the pit of belly as she waits for his body weight to rest against her. It never comes though. He doesn't crawl back up her as she expects. His hands stroke up and down her thighs and then one slides round the back of her calf, lifting it to rest on his shoulder.

'What're you doing?'

She's leaning on her forearms now and pulling her positioned leg down and safely back onto the bedsheets.

'What does it look like?' This isn't the first time he's attempted this but she's always managed to distract him before he's succeeded but he's never really noted it before now and he's starting to think she may have an aversion to it altogether.

She avoids his eyes and shuffles back in the bed. 'I don't want you to do that'

His brow furrows.

'Why not? You always distract me when I try-'

'I just don't like it'

'You don't like it?' He's sat back on his legs and his hands are resting on her knees. 'You've not experienced me though, I promise you, you will'

He holds her hands to the bed and smiles coyly. 'Just relax' He hums.

She tries.

She really tries.

She tensely slouches back against the pillows, her stare fixated on him.

His tongue swirls round her navel and then lower and lower and lower.

She pushes herself back into the mattress and her eyes clam shut and he's barely touched her when she's announcing 'I don't like it'

He's barely registered her words when her hands are abruptly tugging free from his hold to push his head away and then she's scrambling away and before he knows it she's half way across the room.

'Peyton okay, I'm sorry' He's on his feet. 'Where're you going? Don't go' He grabs her arm. 'Hey, I'm sorry'

'Let me go'

'Peyton'

'Let me go' She growls.

But he doesn't. He's never been very good at being told what to do. Foster parents. Social workers. Teachers. None of them ever gave him enough time for him to trust and respect them so he expected to be let down. To be walked out on. To be given up. When he was upset he let it show with his fists. It hadn't been a good day when he'd punched Mr Smith in Maths. The teacher had not understood though. It wasn't his fault he was late. It wasn't his fault his foster father at the time had just hit Emily. She was only twelve and she'd only been with them for a couple of weeks but Lucas was protective even so. He wasn't about to sit back and watch while she took the brunt of their foster parent's anger. He'd given up on school after that day. No one wanted to listen to any explanations. No one ever listened.

But Peyton was going to whether she liked it or not because she was different. She was different to all the people he'd had in his life. She'd stuck around. She'd trusted him and she'd believed in him.

'Let me go' She tries to break away.

'No' He snaps, using all his force and pushing her until her back is suddenly against the wall and as quick as his fingers had restrained her there, they're down her arms holding her hands gently. 'You can't just storm out without telling me why. I said I was sorry. Did I hurt you?'

Her cheeks are red and her eyes are glistening.

'Why're you crying?'

'I'm not' She mumbles.

His hand soothes over her cheek. 'Yes you are'

'I just don't like _that_'

'And I said I was sorry. And I won't try it ever again. Not unless you say so. I just wanted to make you feel good'

She looks up at him meekly.

'I'm sorry' He says again.

She blinks, shakes her head and lets out a breath. '...I'm sorry... I'm weird'

'You're not weird' He doesn't think she's weird. He thinks she's not telling him something because he's never seen her like this; so lacking in confidence. He thinks that the last jerk that went down on her must have clearly not known what he was doing because this has got her all riled and she's tense and he knows that if she'd just relax a little he could show her what she's missing out on. But he means what he says. He won't try it again. Not unless she asks because he's upset her and he's made her feel stupid and that was never his intention. 'Will you come back to bed?'

She looks uncertain.

'Please?' He pleads, stepping back and pulling her with him.

She lets him and then they're laying on the bed and he pulls her back against his chest, spooning her slight body, his hand on her smooth stomach. And it stays right there. He doesn't try anything now. Despite his painful arousal. He won't try anything because the moment has passed and he's content just to lay here and be with her. And he doesn't know when he became that guy. The guy that wants more than her body. The guy that wants to know her every thought.

'I was thinking'

She stiffens. Thinking is never good.

'Now that, you know, everyone seems to know about us' He hums into her hair.

'Mm' She apprehensively murmurs. She's waiting for him to break this off. She's waiting for him to end this because she knows she's hard work.

'Well, do you think we should tell Jamie?'

Her head cranes to look at him. For a second she thinks she's imagined it.

'Jamie?'

'Yeah'

She's embarrassed and mortified about what's taken place in the last half hour and she suddenly wants to cry again because it's the last thing she expects him to say. Especially after the scene she's caused. If anything she'd expected him to run in the other direction but what he's suggesting is the opposite completely. Because telling Jamie is a big deal. It's a huge deal and one she doesn't take too lightly.

'I mean I get it if you don't want to-'

'No, I, I do. I, I think we should' She smiles into the pillow but he can't see. 'I mean. He's not stupid he's going to notice sooner or later anyway'

'Yeah exactly' Lucas agrees. His hand moves to her hip and he rolls her onto her back. 'So we'll tell him later?' She bites her lip and nods and he smiles and she melts and her eyes burn and she kisses him and she thinks perhaps it's official that this isn't just a bit of fun anymore. This is much, much more.

* * *

'Kido how, how would you feel if me and Peyton were together?'

Jamie looks up at him quizzically.

They're in the living room and he's playing with all his new birthday presents. 'You are together silly. Peyton's standing right there!' He points his finger at her.

Peyton smiles tightly and crouches down to his level. 'That's not quite what Luke meant JimmyJam' She takes his little hand. 'What he was trying to say is, how would you feel if me and Luke were boyfriend and girlfriend?'

'Aren't you boyfriend and girlfriend already?' He hops away from her, landing a metre away on his knees and picks up a lego creation. 'Do you like my space ship? I made it all by myself!'

'Er' Peyton blinks at Lucas. He shrugs, as far as he can tell this is dealt with, the kid understands. However Peyton's wiser. She moves forward to take the item being held out to her. 'Wow, very cool'

'It goes super fast and this bit here' He prods a red brick. 'That's the laser button' He wriggles his eyebrows and karate chops his arms through the air, trying to imitate said lasers.

'It's the best spaceship I've ever seen. You're so clever Jamie' Peyton praises.

'Do you wanna play?'

'Sure' Peyton sits beside him.

'We can build a wall here and have the bad guys on this side and the good guys on this side' He instructs. 'And then have a battle'

Peyton's making a start on their wall when she diverts his conversation away from spaceships and goodies and baddies. 'Hey Jamie what do you think girlfriend and boyfriend means?'

He's lining his army figures up and his eyes stay focused on what his hands are preoccupied with. 'Michael and Joshua and Liam and David and Brandon and Oliver are my boyfriends cause they're my friends and they're boys and Maddie and Lara and Katie and Olivia and Gracie and Michelle and Alissa are my girlfriends cause...' He takes a much in need breath and licks his lips. 'Cause they are my friends and they are girls'

Peyton looks at Lucas pointedly and he rolls his eyes at her know it all stare.

'That's right' Peyton nods. 'But there's also a different kind of boyfriend and girlfriend'

Jamie finishes positioning the army men against a combination of figures including buzz lightyear, batman and Luke skywalker.

'Do you know what I mean?'

His little eyes briefly leave his game to look up at her and then he's reaching for his spaceship. 'Mummy says that Auntie Taylor is a slut and I didn't knows what that means but she told me that it's when you gots lotsa boyfriends and she kisses them all and that's not good cause you're only meant ta have one that you kiss' He rambles.

Lucas snickers silently in his seat but Peyton does well to stay composed.

'Right' She swallows. 'So what do you call people that kiss?'

'Mummies and Daddies' Jamie smiles cheekily up at her. 'And Aladin and Jasmine and Han Solo and Princess Leia!'

Peyton smiles. 'That's right'

'Cause they love each other'

'Right'

'My Mummy and Daddy kiss' Jamie states.

'Yes, because they loved each other very much' Peyton says soothingly, making sure to subtly include the past tense within her sentence. She's wary that Jamie still speaks about them in the present tense but his psychiatrist assures them it's something that will go with time.

'Yes' His attention is fully focused on her now. 'And they love me'

'More than anything'

'I'm Mumma's love bug cause I give such good huggles'

Peyton smiles.

'Can I have a love bug huggle'

Jamie springs to his feet and leaps into her lap, his little limbs curling round her slight form.

'Wow, you are good at hugging!' Peyton laughs. 'Me and Lucas love you lots too, you know that right?'

He nods once.

'Sweetie, how do you feel about me and Lucas being boyfriend and girlfriend?'

'The kind that kiss?' He clarifies and she knows this time he's getting the gist of what she's been trying to get at.

'Yes' She smiles. 'The kind that kiss'

'Do you love Lucas?'

She swallows, her eyes briefly averting to the man in question. '...Yes'

'Then you're allowed to kiss' He tells her knowledgeably, his eyes focusing back on the Woody figure in his hands. He bends the cowboys arms up and down. 'Am I going to have to live with someone else now?'

'Oh no' Peyton shakes her head reverently. 'Of course not baby. Luke is your guardian so you stay with him, for always'

'And you too?'

'And me, if you're okay with that'

He grins. 'You're going to live here too now? People who loves each other lives together and sleep in the same bed'

'Erm right, well not quite. I've still got my house haven't I? But I'm going to stay here sometimes too. Is that okay?'

Jamie looks up at her curiously and then nods his consent. 'Can we play now?' He asks somewhat tiresomely.

Peyton smiles. 'Yes, sorry, we can play now'

She thinks that couldn't have really gone any better, but her cheeks are hot and her head hurts and she's not relieved at all.

Because his one innocent little question is making her dizzy. _Do you love Lucas. _

* * *

'Well that didn't go too badly hey?' Lucas pinches her behind as she stirs the pasta on the stove. She gives him a look that says don't do that and he smirks. 'What? I can now'

'We didn't tell Jamie just so you can touch me up whenever you feel like it'

'We didn't?'

She rolls her eyes and bites her lip.

He's cutting up the salad and she hasn't even asked he's just doing it of his own accord and she loves that. She hesitantly looks over at him. 'You know I, I wouldn't have agreed to tell him if I wasn't sure'

'Sure?' The sharp knife slices through the ball of lettuce slowly and lacking precision and his brow is furrowed in concentration.

'Yeah' She knows she's not making any sense. She knows Lucas needs things spelt out clearly but she's not good at being clear. 'The thing is Luke, when I, when I told Jamie earlier that I love you-'

'Oh don't worry about that' He wavers his hand nonchalantly. 'I know you were just trying to placate him'

Her mouth opens but she doesn't have an answer and his eyes soon avert to her.

'What?'

She shakes her head. 'Nothing'

But he knows that's not the truth and he makes his own conclusions over her creased brow.

'Peyton, he's a kid. I know I'm not an expert in this field or anything but isn't lying okay- when it's for their benefit anyway? I mean you tell kids that carrots make you see in the dark and that there're fucking fairies and that there's a santa claus and-'

'I think I love you' She blurts and just as quickly as it's out, her back is hunched and her head is in her hands. 'Oh god I just said that out loud didn't I?'

He hears her stifled words but he just stares at the top of her head. He doesn't know what else do. He seems to have lost the ability to string a sentence together.

He's paralysed.

No one. Not a single person has ever said that to him before.

Not one.

'I'm sorry' Her head is still in her hands and her voice is muffled. 'I know we're just I don't know taking things slow but I, I've never felt this before and I, I don't know how to handle it and I' She sucks in a breath and she's suddenly standing up straight again, looking at him with wide, embarrassed eyes. 'I'll get it in check and this won't be an issue we...I don't know...just forget I said it...' She shakes her head and trails off and then she's moving round the kitchen and getting plates and cutlery out and acting as though everything is normal but nothing is normal and Lucas just stands there and then he returns his attention to his salad and pretends along with her.

He tries to do as she just said. He tries to forget only he can't seem to think about anything else.

'I'll go and check on Jamie' She announces when she's set the table.

'Peyton?'

She pauses in her escape, looking at him over her shoulder, eyes filled with hope.

'I...I...' He opens and closes his mouth because he knows he needs to address the words she's just said. He knows she needs him to acknowledge them but yet he can't. '...I'll finish up in here then'.


	15. Chapter 15

He doesn't know how, but she's somehow managed to convince him that this was a good idea.

They've spent the last few hours being shown from house to house by some chirpy blonde that he'd quite like to strangle because she's happy, far too happy.

And he doesn't want to be house hunting. He was quite happily avoiding thinking about this whole situation but Peyton Sawyer isn't so willing to look past the significant money troubles that are coming his way.

She wants to help.

He doesn't want her help.

But he's bitten his tongue because she's already pissed at him and as much as he enjoys teasing her and making her lips pout, this is different. She's not just pissed, she's hurt.

'Can we have a few minutes Bevin?' Peyton asks the blonde.

'Of course, I need to make a few calls, you two lovebirds take as much time as you need and I'll wait out front!'

Lucas is glad to see the back of her.

'How can she be so fucking happy?'

'She's just nice'

He exhales heavily because she's smiling that smile again, that smile that is false and forced. The smile that has been a permanent fixture on her pretty face for the last forty eight hours. She's being far too sweet and nice. Her voice is calm and she's not disagreed with him on anything and he doesn't like it because that's not her and he knows it's because she's mad at him right now even if she's trying her god damn hardest not to show it.

'Peyton?' He tries.

'Mm' She's circling the small living area objectively.

'I'm sorry'

'What for?'

'You're mad with me'

She stops surveying the room and looks directly at him with an amused expression. 'No I'm not' She laughs but it's not genuine and he rolls his eyes because to a bystander her act may be convincing but he's not convinced one little bit. She's a terrible liar. 'I promise' She emphasises with that smile that he doesn't buy.

'You've been overly nice for the last day or so' He retorts.

'What? I'm not usually nice?' She scowls in his direction but her eyes are amused and he's never wished for her dagger stare more because anything is better than her pretending.

'No' He states bluntly. 'You're stubborn and sassy and you moan at me when I let Jamie eat his breakfast in his school uniform'

'Well I hate it when you do that! He got stuff all over it this morning and he had to go in looking like some dishevelled kid that's not looked after!' She exclaims.

He smirks. 'See! There you are'

She huffs and makes a beeline for the exit but he throws his hand out across the doorway, blocking her path.

'I know you're upset'

'No, I'm not' She argues, feigning confusion.

'Yes you are'

'I'm not' She laughs.

'Look, I'm sorry I just want to... Can we talk about this?'

'There's nothing to talk about, I'm not pissed off. I promise'

'Right' He's pissed off now because she's just running away from the subject and he's trying, he's trying but he doesn't know how to do this. He's not good at _this_. He needs her to meet him half way.

She awkwardly pecks his cheek and smiles brightly. 'What do you think?'

'Of what?' He sighs exasperatedly.

'This place?'

'It's a mess'

He's right about that.

'Yes but try to envisage it once it's decorated' She proposes. She knows he made his mind up about it before they'd even stepped foot through the door. She doesn't need to ask to know that he doesn't like it. She's not all that fond of it either but she's trying to be optimistic with the hope it'll rub off on him but she's sensing it's a futile effort; they could be in the most ideal house right now and he wouldn't be interested.

'It's small'

'It's not. Not really. It's big enough'

'He's use to running around and riding his scooter down the hallway'

'Luke. Realistically he's not going to be able to do that anymore, wherever you end up moving. There is outside' She takes his hand and drags him over to the window that overlooks a small, decent sized garden that's not even a quarter of the size of the Scott's land. 'He's not going to hate you for this. I promise'

He's sure Jamie won't hate him too. That's not why he's so reluctant about this moving house idea she's had.

Haley and Nathan had provided everything for Jamie. He'd been given so much and Lucas didn't want to eradicate what they'd established.

He himself had moved from house to house, family to family, room to room. They were always small. The neighbourhoods weren't exactly the ideal place for kids to hang about. He doesn't want Jamie to experience anything that resembles his childhood.

He doesn't want to take away what Jamie has. He doesn't want to take away the safe road he lives on, the private school he goes to, the pool, the garden. None of it. Because this kid knows what it's like to have, he's not Lucas, he's not grown up with nothing. He doesn't know what it's like to suffer and struggle, he doesn't know what it's like to scoff down the breakfast you're given in the morning whether you like it or not because you don't know when you'll next get a decent meal.

Lucas doesn't care about moving, he won't find it difficult, and he's sure she's right; Jamie won't hate him, he may however, find the sudden change in lifestyle difficult.

'So what's the verdict on this place?' She reigns him back in.

'What do you think?' He turns his nose up, his eyes circling the small space once more.

She laughs. 'I don't like it either'

'Why are we still standing here then?' He complains.

'Because I can see that you're having such a delightful time. I didn't want to drag you away' She drawls, sarcasm dripping from her every word and a cheeky glint in her eye that has Lucas grabbing her by the arm and backing her up against the wall. Her hands press against his chest in protest because the wallpaper is damp and she doesn't particularly want to be leaning against it but then he's kissing her and she doesn't care.

He wants to kiss her better- he wants to kiss her in such a way that words aren't necessary to make her understand.

But there's a niggling feeling that stops her from just letting herself get lost in his kiss. She's thinking.

She can't seem to switch off her overactive brain.

Hasn't been able to for the last day and a half.

Because she said _it._ And he didn't.

And she wants _this_, _them_ to be normal, to be as it had but she can't take those words back. Doesn't want to.

And she's trying to be rational about it all. She realises that he may not feel the same way, she realises that it may have been too soon for him, she realises that he may just not be interested in her in that way. She gets it, she really does and she's trying to act normal.

But clearly it's not working.

Because he keeps looking at her like he is now.

She's still against the wall but his mouth is no longer on hers, he's staring at her.

Blue intense eyes.

He keeps opening and closing his mouth like a guppy fish and she wishes words would spill from his mouth because she's not a mind reader and yet at the same time she hopes that he keeps whatever thoughts are flitting around in his head, right where they are because she's not sure she can handle knowing what it is he's really thinking.

'So that's a definite no then?' Her voice is a croaked whisper. 'To the house?'

He nods dumbly.

'Bevin said there were some new developments down near the river that we can look at later on this week'

'Okay' He answers without hesitance to which she kinks her brow because she knows he's not keen about house hunting. He's made that more than clear but he's suddenly become submissive to her constant nagging and she's pretty sure it's because he's feeling guilty.

He is.

And until he can get her to stop being pissed off with him he's intent on trying to suck up to her every suggestion because he can't stand to see her mad.

He holds her hand. 'I've gotta get back to work'

She nods once and rocks forward on her toes to peck his lips.

He doesn't like this new kiss; it's cold and distant and she's only been doing it since she said _it_. And he wishes she just didn't bother at all because it's just teasing him and he wants to tug her close and slip his tongue into her warm mouth but it's not the same when she doesn't fully reciprocate. They're having a silent battle of wills and she's not even aware she has her shield held high, but he is and he wants to forcibly knock it out of his way but he doesn't have the strength. Hasn't summoned the strength to do so just yet. But he will. Just neither of them know it quite yet.

* * *

'What's wrong honey?' Brooke is standing behind her breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in hand.

'Nothing'

The brunette's eyes have been intently watching her dear friend for the last few minutes. Said friend is meant to be sketching out the designs that Brooke is articulating with such detail. The blonde has always been the better of the two at drawing, Brooke's domain is the 3D; give her a bit of fabric and a mannequin and she's away, translating that into 2D was something she adored Peyton for illustrating so beautifully. It always worked. It worked because they understood each other. Today it wasn't working so much.

'You coulda fooled me. You've been sulking all morning'

'I'm not'

Brooke raises her eyebrows and indicates to the page of doodles.

'Fine I'm sulking'

'You wanna tell me why?'

Peyton presses her pencil into the page with too much force, breaking the led. She sighs heavily.

'I told him I love him'

Brooke's eyes bug out. Her coffee cup clatters against the marble work surface as she abandonnes the warm beverage with clumsy hands. 'Wh-what?...wow'

'That's all you've got for me? Wow?' Peyton huffs and slips off of her stool. Her stare is downcast as she seeks out her jacket that's strewn across one of the sofas.

'Where're you going?'

'Home'

'No, no' Brooke hurries past her, blocking the path to the front door. 'I'm sorry. Okay? You took me by surprise. Just come sit down' She doesn't give room for any arguments, snatching the blonde's wrist and dragging her to sit on the sofa. 'You...you love him?'

'You think I would of said it if I didn't mean it?' Peyton snaps tiresomely.

'Honey...I'm sorry it's just, this is a big deal for you...for you to say that...' She's not usually this inarticulate, words are something that never seem to fail Brooke Davis. Well so Peyton had thought. Again she diverts her eyes away from Brooke's wide stare.

'I know' She mutters, her rigid form crumpling and her head dropping into her hands.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

'He didn't say it back Brooke...he didn't...he...he didn't...'

Brooke scrambles to her knees and shuffles closer, her hand rubbing soothingly over her best friend's back.

'I didn't...I didn't expect him to but you know...it...'

'Sweetie look at me'

'I didn't expect him to but I, I dunno it just, I need him to say it. I need to know that he feels the same way cause what's the point? What's the point if in a week or two he's not going to not want me? I can't, I can't-

'Hey' Brooke cuts in. 'Look. At. Me'

Peyton's long lashes flicker and then her glassy green eyes lift to look up into Brooke's face.

'Sweetie' The designer's hand gently strokes over Peyton's crimson cheeks. 'Just give him time. He'll say it. I know it. How could he not love you?'

'You have to say that. You're my best friend' She takes a shaky breath. 'I just...I wasn't look for this B, I wasn't looking for a relationship and then he just shows up and turns my world upside down...'

'Maybe so...but don't you think in the most wonderful of ways?'

* * *

She's walking down near the river. It's getting late. It's dark.

She knows if her parents knew she were walking alone at this time of night they'd have a fit.

But she likes the dark. And she's taking the long route to the Scott's house because she's trying to get her emotions in check; it's hard putting on a happy front.

She's spent the day at her best friend's and while she feels some weight taken off of her shoulders having confided in Brooke, she also feels more of an emotional mess than she had at the start of the day.

She's been doing a pretty wonderful job of keeping her emotions under wraps.

She's good at that. She's always been good at that.

She just wants things to be normal. She wishes she could distract herself from her own feelings because they're exactly at the root of her problems right now.

The well known pathway before her has opened up and there's a bench overlooking the river. She likes it here. She comes here to think sometimes. She'd come here now to do just that, only she can't. Can't because there's a dark figure sitting in the spot she was seeking.

She stops completely in her tracks.

She considers turning right around and walking back in the direction she's just come from.

She's about to do so but she's taken too long and the silhouette has moved. The silhouette speaks.

'Peyton... is that you?'

She wants the tree's dark shadows to swallow her up but the dim light from the surrounding street lamps light up her golden hair and she knows there's no point in even bothering to feign ignorance. She's been seen. There's no running away.

'Karen' She croaks out.

Karen is standing, her face lit up clearly now.

Peyton knows she's interrupted the older woman's solitude but she doesn't apologise for the intrusion. Her eyes avert to crumpled bit of paper in the older woman's shaking hands.

Karen takes a deep breath, her heart thumps.

It's time. She knows. She can't keep running from the situation. She has to face it. Head on; this young girl has questions and she'll answer them because she's done with hiding.

'I didn't want to do it'

Peyton's stare darts up.

Karen takes a step toward her and holds out the black and white image.

'I was only seventeen. I was just a kid, I didn't know anything but I knew one thing. I knew I wanted him'

Peyton swallows thickly, her eyes are wary as she accepts the slightly creased photo.

'He was the most beautiful baby. When they first handed him to me I knew he was my reason for existing'

Peyton's finger strokes over the photograph; even in the dull light she can make out a little bundle of blankets cradled in a young mother's arms.

'What happened?'

She wants to be kind and comforting but she needs all the information because she sees the man that's broken. She sees the man that should have been this woman's son and she doesn't understand one bit.

'My Mum and Dad thought me to young. They were furious. They said I either give him up or get out'

Peyton's eyes narrow because she knows, she knows that wouldn't have stayed in Karen's way.

'That wasn't why though. You did keep him. You didn't give up guardianship until he was gone three' Peyton discloses the information she's learnt.

Karen is surprised.

She nods despondently.

'I left home. I struggled'

Peyton swallows. She can't imagine how hard it must of been. The thought of being alone with a baby is terrifying to her. But still she doesn't understand. She wants to understand.

She feels a loyalty toward Karen, there's no doubt about it. It's just not the same. Not the same as to what she bestows upon Lucas. And in her head that make's no sense. None at all because she's known this woman longer. She knows this woman, well she thought she had. Now she's not so sure. Whereas Lucas, she knows she doesn't know as well. She knows there's so many things she doesn't know about him, there's so many things he doesn't know about her but she feels like she knows him. Perhaps better than anyone. Trusts him. And it makes no sense and she can't explain it but she's quick to realise that this woman before her could say anything at all and she'll defend Lucas no matter what.

'It was okay though, because I had him'

'What happened?'

'Dan, Dan had had Nathan. He didn't want everyone to know he'd fathered another son. He had a reputation to with hold'

Peyton's hand reaches for the bench. She feels unsteady. She wants to run away. She's not sure she wants to hear all this. It should be Lucas. Not her. But something keeps her feet glued to the wet ground below. Her fingers grip the wood tightly.

'He started, he started threatening me-'

'Why didn't you go to the police'

'You don't understand...I, I didn't know'

'Didn't know what?'

'He'd made reports. Reports that I, I was unstable, that I was unfit to care for him...I didn't know'

Peyton's brow furrows.

'They thought I'd taken him out there, that I'd intended to take both our lives'. Karen's eyes look pitch black.

'Taken him where?'

'He'd asked me to meet him. He'd said he'd help me, that he'd take care of us, that we'd get away from here'

Peyton's finding it hard to keep up.

'Who?'

'Keith'

'Keith?'

'Dan's brother'

Peyton presses her fingers into her pounding temple. She'd spent most of her days as a fifteen year old school girl in the Scott's household. She'd learnt a lot about them. Most importantly, 1- Dan Scott was not one to be trusted. 2- Deb was a recovering alcoholic and the whole family was in denial if they didn't know about her frequent drug habits. 3- She'd come to know all their relatives. She'd never heard of anyone called Keith.

'I met him at his boat. I'd never been so happy in those last couple of hours'

'What happened?' She tries to keep her scepticism at bay. She's got no reason to not believe the words Karen speaks. She wants to believe.

'I was laying Lucas down for a nap. There...there was a gun shot from above...Dan, Dan was up on deck when I got there, Keith was gone.'

Peyton gulps.

'It was like. Like a horror film...I, I went into shock...the next thing I remember is him being taken away from me...I would never have harmed a hair on my baby's head. Never. And that includes harming myself because he needed me. He needed me...No one believed a word I said though. He told them that I'd taken Keith's boat, that he and his brother had followed me out there. That I had been moments away from harming Lucas and myself, that I'd struggled with Keith, that I'd been the one to take his life' She rambles out in one heavy breath. Her words are choked. She swiftly turns away, facing the river now. Her voice is quieter when she continues. 'I was put in a psychiatric ward. I...I had person after person telling me he was better off with someone that could really take care of him. Didn't I want what was best for him?' She blinks. 'It got to a point where I started to believe them'

Peyton's mouth is dry. She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. It's cold and she's suddenly aware that she's shivering and she still has so many questions but she's struggling to comprehend everything that's been said so far, she's struggling to respond at all.

'I...I know it's a lot to take in honey...' Karen goes to reach for her hand but thinks twice about doing so and her arm soon retracts back to her side. She dabs away the tears that have gathered in her eyes and then she's smiling softly and changing the subject quite abruptly. 'You're mother tells me that you and Lucas have become an official item?'

Peyton looks down. She's still trying to digest everything. She doesn't know what to feel. She has this innate need to protect, protect Lucas and she doesn't want to divulge anything. She doesn't want to give Karen anything because she knows he wouldn't want that. But she also wants to give. She wants to give Karen so much.

The older woman isn't naive. She knows this girl. Loves this girl. She held her in her arms as a babe, she's watched her grow. She's been in this young lady's life more than her own son's and she knows that's not right but god is she happy that her son has found Peyton.

'He couldn't of found anyone better honey-'

'It's not him that's lucky...I...' She trails off. She sees the excitement in Karen's eyes. She knows she's waiting on tenterhooks, dying for her to tell her things about her son but she won't. She won't do that. It's up to him to give her that. 'I should go'

'Don't' Karen pleads softly.

'I'm sorry but I...I have to' She moves past her, but lingers for a few seconds. 'I'll, I'll talk to him' She doesn't turn her head, she can't look Karen in the eye for fear of succumbing to this broken woman's plea. 'I don't know that it'll do any good...but I'll talk to him' It's the best she can offer.

Karen smiles and it's pure relief that brightens her eyes.

Peyton feels, she really does. She wants to help Karen, she just needs to help Lucas first.

* * *

She's nervous and weary as she walks into the house.

It's quiet.

It's after ten and she knows Jamie'll be in bed.

Lucas is standing when she walks into the living room, her heels tapping against the floor.

'You made me jump, I didn't know you were coming'

She notes his gruff voice and his eyes that are squinting and his cheek that is red and she just knows he'd probably been asleep on the sofa and she's woken him up.

'Sorry. I, I wasn't' She runs her hands through her hair and wonders when this, them, when they became so awkward.

She doesn't like it.

She wishes she hadn't ran into Karen. She feels like she's betrayed him by letting the older woman confide in her. But now she has this secret. She knows these things about him that he doesn't and it's making her temple ache.

She needs to tell him. She wants to and yet doesn't want to tell him all at the same time.

'I'm glad you did' He's smiling and it's apprehensive and he shifts his weight and then he strides toward her and grasps her hands 'Look, I didn't know what to say' He licks his lips. 'When you said that thing'

She frowns in confusion because she doesn't know what he's talking about because her mind is a complete muddle right now.

'The other day...I...I know you're upset about it even if you claim you're not...it's just when you said it...'

She suddenly realises what _it_ is. And her head aches even more. She exhales heavily and pulls her hands out out of his. 'It? It's not a disease Lucas! You can say the words- when I said I love you' She folds her arms across her chest. 'And I wasn't upset. I just, I felt stupid, I shouldn't have even said anything'

'You're not stupid. And I, I'm glad you said it' He says carefully. He doesn't want her to get stressed out. She looks stressed out and he's worried it could bring on a seizure.

Her face softens. 'You are?'

He takes a deep breath. He doesn't like the way her eyes are filled with apprehension and self doubt because there's nothing doubtful about his answer 'Yes'

'...I, I didn't expect you to say it back and I don't want you to get freaked out because I feel more about you than you do about me and then end this-'

He cuts her words off when he reaches for her dainty fingers and this time he holds onto them tightly.

'I don't think you feel more for me than I do for you' He admits quietly.

She looks up at him curiously.

'God I'm not good at this shit' He smiles sheepishly. 'No one has ever said that to me before'

Her heart sinks for him. Because she knows he's not just talking about girls, he means no one. There's not been a mother and father that tucked him into bed every night and assured him that they love him, not that he can remember anyhow. And she hates it. She hates that he's been deprived of that. She hates Karen in that moment.

'You're the only person that's stuck around long enough to get to know me and I, I don't know how I was living without you because everything is just so much better now and I never thought that me becoming responsible for a kid would change my life for the better' He rambles. 'I might not say it but I, I think about you a lot, all the time and it's not just because you're hot'

An amused smirk curls her lips but he's looking at the floor and doesn't see.

'When you had that fit on Jamie's birthday' He shakes his head. 'I freaked out, I was so mad at you because for a while I thought you were leaving me...the thought of loosing you...I can't loose you and it's because I think, I think I love you too' He looks up at her '...I'm sorry'

'Don't be sorry'

'I didn't say that very well'

She shakes her head. 'I love you' She grins. 'You said it perfectly'

He doesn't think so. 'You don't have to worry about me leaving you...you're the one that's going to wake up one day and realise that there's someone better for you out there somewhere'

She frowns and shakes her head. 'Lucas...' Her hand strokes over his cheek. 'You need to stop thinking I'm better than you. Because I'm not. In anyway'

She tilts her head and her lips brush over his and this time it's not one of those stupid pecks he's come to despise in the last few days. Her mouth opens and sucks on his bottom lip and then their tongues are entwined and he pulls her close and he doesn't feel what he'd been anticipating; he doesn't feel weaker, he doesn't feel anything of the sort. He feels stronger. Because she's giving herself to him and he's surrendering himself to her and he doesn't know why he ever thought two people coming together as one was a stupid thing because it's not, it's really not. It's the best thing ever.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N **We are awful, I know. Sorry for the long wait.

'I need to talk to you about something'

'What?' His hands are under her shirt and he's distracted by the soft skin at the base of her back. It's not just his hands that're distracted; his mind has lapsed into a lust induced haze. He wants her. He's just managed to tell her that he loves her and it's a pretty big deal and he feels uncharacteristically invulnerable by his announcement.

'Luke'

She pushes his eager fingers away because she knows if she doesn't she'll lose her train of thought and as an extra precaution she pulls her cardigan tightly too, holding her arms in front of her chest. That movement successfully garners his attention, his eyes quickly snap to her face with a disgruntled groan.

'What's wrong?' She's prohibiting his fingers from what they want and he fidgets with agitation.

'Nothing's wrong. Well not really. I just, I really want to talk to you about something first'

'O-kay. Shoot' He brushes her hair behind her ear and rests the other hand on the wall beside her.

She relishes in his close proximity for a moment because she knows he's going to move away when she speaks her next words.

'It's about Karen'

As predicted his touchy hands are quick to stop caging her in against the wall and he snaps back into focus.

She watches his jaw tense and his tranquil blue eyes cloud into darkness.

He turns away, setting her free. She doesn't want to be set free.

'I don't want to talk about-'

'I saw her today' She cuts in.

His head twists to stare at her. His eyes are angry now.

'What're you doing talking to her? I don't want you-'

'You can't tell me what to do' She blurts back because his voice has risen and she doesn't appreciate his tone one little bit. 'And it's not like I sought her out. I bumped into her...'

She's ruined the moment. She wishes she could've just let herself get lost in him but she couldn't; not with this lingering on her mind.

His back is hunched as he leans over the side board. 'I'm not interested in whatever it is she said to you' He mutters through clenched teeth. He's trying not to completely lose it. He wishes they could go back to just two minutes ago when everything was so perfect.

'Well I think you should listen-'

He spins around so suddenly that she jumps a little and presses herself back against the wall. 'She was never there to listen to me. Why should I give her the time-'

'Because maybe it's not her fault! Maybe she tried! Maybe you don't know the full story' She frantically tries to reel him in.

'And you do?' He growls.

She hates the way he's looking at her.

Like she's the villan.

But behind the anger she can see the hurt and anguish, she can see a little boy that had to grow up far too quickly, a lost little boy that had no one to show him the way.

She reminds herself that his anger isn't really directed at her. That this isn't about her. She's just the messenger. And despite her desire to let the tears that are prickling her eyes, spill down her cheeks, she blinks them away furiously. She won't storm out. She won't be mad at him. That's not what he needs. He needs her to be strong.

'Lucas' She bravely steps forward and reaches for him but he swipes her caring hands away. 'I'm just, I'm not taking her side. I'm trying to understand' she persistently grips his forearms. He shrugs her off. 'You must want answers? She's the only one that can give them' Her voice is frantic and loud with frustration. She reaches for his face but discord has him pushing her away again and again and he's stronger than her and she stumbles back, leaning onto the sideboard and simultaneously knocking a saucepan clattering to the floor.

The loud noise makes her jump more than anything but it vibrates through him unpleasantly, turning his stomach.

His eyes are wide as his stare jerks from the fallen pot to her. His heart racing like a loud alarm bell in his ears. He's holding his hands behind him now because he's just scared himself. Because although it was barely a stumble, he pushed her. Laid hands on her in a way that he thinks improper and that's a side of him he never wants her to witness.

'Lucas' She's clearly not deterred, her hands are on him again. 'Baby' She coos. He's looking past her.

'I'm sorry' He exhales. 'I...I didn't mean to push you'

'You didn't. It's fine' She strokes her hand over his face again and this time he closes his eyes.

'It's not fine'

'It is. You're allowed to be angry. I get it. It's hard'

'I don't need to take it out on you'

'The thing about loving you is I forgive you-'

'What so I hit you and you'll forgive me-'

'You didn't hit me' She snorts because he's overreacting and this conversation is going completely off topic. 'I'm a klutz, it's just a saucepan, nothings broken'

The smile on her face doesn't console him though. His life prior to Peyton Sawyer, prior to Tree Hill was different to say the least. It wasn't an exaggeration to say his childhood through to young adult years were encompassed in violence. He can hold his own. Only that isn't a part of him that he's anxious for her to see. It's a side to him, a part of him that he's anxious to keep well hidden. She doesn't need to know about all his wrong doings. But it scares him. Scares him a lot because he's never been all that good at controlling his temper, there'd been times in his life when his rage had been helpless and unstoppable. He knew of guys that raised their hands to settle an argument, he was one of those guys. The difference was, he'd never raised a hand to a girl, never would.

'I'm a big girl Luke. I can look after myself. You'd never hurt me'

'I've done things I'm not proud of Peyton'

'Me too'

He exhales heavily and drops his head onto her shoulder. He's not sure what's happened in the last fifteen minutes. He'd felt so good about them and in such a short time frame he was back to doubting everything.

He pulls her tight against him, fearing that if he doesn't she's going to slip away out of reach.

She clings on just as fiercely, her arms twisting around his neck and her fingers scraping soothingly through his hair.

She's not going anywhere.

'I'm sorry' He breathes.

'Nothing to be sorry for' She mutters. She's thankful because she's managed to encourage him back in and the wall that had shot up at the mention of his mother is now back down.

His hands grasp at the material at her back and his desperate hold makes her feel needed, makes her feel in an exhilarating way, that just her presence alone is extricating him from his tormenting past.

'I don't want to feel sorry for her' He drones into her neck 'I don't want her to have an explanation because then who do I blame? Who do I blame for everything fucked up in my life? I don't want to talk about her because when I do I turn into this monster. I...I treat you like shit-'

'Lucas' Her soft hands coax his head to tilt toward her and look her in the eye. 'You're no monster' She runs her hand through his hair again. 'Not to me' She kisses his jaw softly. 'Maybe it's not about blaming someone but about forgiving and letting go' Her voice is so soft. So gentle. So pure that it's hard not to believe that every word that leaves her perfect lips is the truth.

'I can't...' His face crumples.

'I know. I know it's hard. But you're never going to be able to move forward if you can't speak about it Luke. I'm worried that if you don't talk to her, don't at least hear her out, you'll always be troubled by this'

'You think I'm troubled?' His tone is suddenly teasing because as far as he's concerned he's completely fucked up. Troubled doesn't even begin to cover it.

'No more than me' A small smile touches her lips and he chuckles because she's perfection to him. 'What's so funny?'

'You are' He kisses her nose. 'You're perfection Peyton'

She rolls her eyes. 'One day you'll wake up and realise that that isn't true'

He tilts his head to the side. He's pretty sure that'll never happen.

'I hope that when it does you can embrace it rather than ditch me'

'Okay you're mouth has done enough talking crap now' He leans in and kisses her, simultaneously lifting her up onto the sideboard. Her legs go around him and it's as though they've not just had this conversation. His doubts are gone. She's his. And he's hers.

His fingers go back beneath her top and this time she doesn't stop him but he doesn't get far before someone else does.

The door bell startles them both.

'Urgh' He grunts. 'You've got to be kidding me'

Her tinkering laughter is music to his ears. Her look says she wouldn't have let it go any further anyway. But he knows that's a lie.

'I'll get the door. You can pour me some wine' She slips off of the sideboard.

'You shouldn't be drinking-'

'A small glass won't kill me. Don't be a spoilt sport' She sticks her tongue out at him and skips a few steps out of the room, twirling her way through the door like a ballerina, a not so controlled nor coordinated ballerina but a ballerina none the less. He smiles at her antics and naturally does as she asked, opening a bottle and pouring her a very small glass, glancing at the clock as he does so. He wonders who is visiting them at this hour. They don't get many people knocking, their main visitors being the postman or Peyton's parents but he's aware that both Anna and Larry have gone to the theatre tonight and it's well after ten.

He's about to call out and ask her who it is when he hears familiar voices echo down the hallway.

Said voices do not however incite any feelings of happiness. In fact they summon quite the opposite.

He freezes. A life he wants to forget is awaiting him just metres away down the hall and his muscles tense with trepidation. His past has literally just come a knocking and he doesn't want to welcome it into this house because he wants it to stay well away in his former life where it belongs.

'Lucas?' Peyton's holler snaps him out of his stupor and he's quick to hurry out to the front door where he knows she's standing.

He doesn't look at her. Avoids looking at her because he knows those green eyes will be holding so many questions.

'Luke man. Hey.'

He stares at the man and woman that's stood on the front door step and his heart sinks.

He wants to yank Peyton away and slam the door shut.

'Well? Aren't you going to invite us in?'

His jaw juts out with indecision and then he's speaking, his eyes moving to his confused girlfriend. 'Peyton why don't you go check on Jamie'

She knows he's trying to get rid of her and he knows by her hard stare that she's going to be plying him with questions as soon as they're alone but he doesn't care because right now he wants to keep her as far away from these people because these people resemble everything he hates about himself. He waits until he can no longer hear her feet ascending the stairs before he addresses their visitors once more.

'How'd you find me Skills?'

The black man shifts his weight, his tracksuit jacket falling off one shoulder slightly. The slender blonde girl next to him pulls it back into place. 'We need a place to crash for a couple of nights'.

His head is shaking because he dislikes this plan. Unease has him bawling his hands into fists. 'You didn't answer me'

The smiley blonde chips in. 'I remembered that you were born near Charlotte, we just went from there and-'

'Bevin shut up. Dawg com'on. All the times I've been there for you man, you're really turning me away?'

Guilt flares and the knot in his stomach tightens because he knows he's right, he feels obligated to help them out.

'Are you in trouble?'

'Na. We just need a place to crash. A few nights that's all. No harm right?'

'If you're lying-'

'It's the truth. I swear'

Lucas' eyes trail to Bevin. She's wearing a white strap that's practically see through and draws attention to her black bra beneath along with a mini skirt that has him thinking she may as well of ditched the clothes altogether. He chews on the inside of his mouth, he knows by how dilated her pupils are that she's high. 'You can't do that shit in here. And you have to be gone by Saturday' He decides.

'That's cool, that's cool. I totally understand daw'g. It's all good' Skills claps his hands together and slinks his hand around the bleached blondes waist. 'Well, you going to invite us in then?'

Lucas begrudgingly takes a step. His stomach sinking with what he isn't quite sure, mistrust? unease? apprehension? guilt?

He can feel their greedy eyes taking in their surroundings. Skills no doubt calculating the jackpot of goods that decorates the walls.

He leeds them into the lounge first. The tv is on and Peyton is back downstairs and he knows his nephew must be contently sleeping. He looks back at his guests, reluctantly preparing himself to properly introduce them to the girl before them.

Peyton is yet to notice their presence, bent over and busily picking up some of Jamie's toys that're scattered across the floor and as Lucas looks at Skills he becomes instantly annoyed. Instantly angry by the smarmy grin the curls his lips, by the way he's unashamedly leering at her bent over.

'Nice' He nods at Lucas, briefly smirking and as his dark brown eyes return to Peyton, Lucas' hand snaps out, snatching at Skills arm and pulling him back through the doorway.

'Whoa man what's the deal?' The guest tugs his arm free.

'If you want to step foot in here don't look at her alright? You have no right to look at her like that' He seethes.

'You get a huge mother fucking house and suddenly you can't share?'

'She's not a slut Skills, she's not just a girl, she's a fucking lady. So don't you dare to so much as blink at her you understand?' He exhales in a harsh whisper.

Skills snorts in his face with a loud chuckle.

'I'm not fucking laughing _dawg_. You understand?'

'Alright, alright. Understood'

'This is just for a few days. Then you go'

'Chill out, god, what happened to you man?'

'I became responsible for a kid and had to grow up' He states.

He use to feel like they were the same.

And it's not the big house that has changed things, as much as he can see Skills thinks just that.

It's not that at all.

He realises they were never alike. Not really.

Sure their circumstances were once very similar but Lucas has given himself completely to this child.

He feels a love for Jamie that he's pretty certain Skills cannot understand.

'Baby we'll be on our best behaviour. Promise' Bevin's hand runs down his front, her smile seductive as she looks up at him.

'Bevin' He removes her hand from his chest with a turned up nose. 'I'm...I'm not'

She flutters her eyelashes and smirks. 'I'm just being friendly'

'Well don't. I'm not interested' He states bluntly.

'Luke?' Peyton has obviously become aware of the harsh whispers come from the hallway and Lucas reluctantly reenters the living room to see her apprehensively standing there. He moves to her side, his hand moving round her. He needs to hold onto her. To protect her and himself.

'Peyt. This is Skills and Bevin. Old friends. They're on route home and thought they'd drop by for a few days'

He watches her face scan their guests and knows she doesn't buy his explanation one little bit. Of course she doesn't.

But she plays along just the same. She smiles and says hellos and tells them how nice it is to meet them. She plays the perfect hostess and goes about fetching them drinks and offering them food.

And suddenly time disappears and it's late now and their guests show no sign of wanting to sleep but Lucas has said his goodnights and ordered that they keep it down because Peyton and he have got work in the morning.

She's not use to hearing the way he talks to them. He's different with them. And she's not getting that he's overly fond of these so called friends.

She's watching him wash up their plates from dinner, he does it thoroughly, there'd been a time when she'd thought he didn't know how to do trivial tasks like this but she knows now how wrong she was, he's more than capable of handling anything. Not just washing up but the six year old child on the floor above. Which is why she's trying not to say anything, which is why she wants to trust him and trust the people that he's allowed into this home.

'Just say it already' He places the last plate into the drying wrack and dries his hands on his jeans.

'What?'

He turns his body to face her directly. 'I can feel your eyes burning into me'

She shakes her head. 'I, I was just looking'

'I know I make you weak at the knees but you weren't just _looking_ at me' She's blushing now. 'Go ahead and say whatever it is that's got your pretty little lips pouting'

'I'm not pouting'

'Oh yes, yes you are' He leans back against the sink and waits for it and sure enough her worries tumble from her soft pink lips.

'Are you seriously letting them stay here?' She'd promised herself she wasn't going to interfere but she can't help herself. She knows he surely deserves her trust but now she can't help but question his actions. 'I mean they, he, he's like a pimp with his crack whore!' She decides in a harsh whisper.

'Peyton Sawyer, you don't even know my friends'

'They're your friends?' She looks doubtful. She is doubtful.

'Well, yeah kind of'

'Look I really don't care who they are, I care about-'

'Jamie, I know'

'Do you though Luke? I thought he'd always be out of danger here but then you go ahead and let two junkies into his home-'

'Sweetheart don't make accusations like that when you have no evidence'

She rolls her eyes. 'Please, I'm naive, I'm not that naive' She rakes her hand through her hair in exasperation. 'Just promise me Jamie is safe with them in this house'

'I promise you I'll never let anything happen to him. I'll never break a promise to you' He tells her simply.

She bites her lip, cocks her head to the side and then nods. 'Okay'

His eyes narrow. 'Okay? That's it?'

'Yes...I trust you' She answers his sceptical gaze.

'You do?'

'Yes'

'Okay then' He nods once, seemingly confused by her answer. 'Good' He hooks his finger into the belt loop of her jeans and jerks her to him. 'I love you' He murmurs.

And she dissolves. 'You know, now you've got over your big phobia of saying it, it doesn't mean you get to fire it at me whenever you want a kiss'

He smiles. 'But it works so well'

'I can resist you, you know'

'No you can't. Because you love me too' He smirks confidently and she forgets why she's trying to fight him because kissing Lucas is one of her favourite things. And with that thought she closes the gap between them, pressing her lips to his.

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'I wanna' Jamie whines insistently, arms and legs wrapped resolutely around Peyton's leg. 'Pleaseeee it will be awesome'

'Where on earth have you got this plan from James Scott?'

'I saw some guys doing it on tv!' He grins. 'Luke said it was cool!'

Peyton scowls because she can imagine it was something inappropriate like jackass that Lucas has probably thought is a perfectly fine programme for a six year old to watch and makes a mental note to make sure she's more thorough when it comes to what he's viewing.

'I'm sure he did' Peyton mutters, looking down at him. His long eye lashes flicker and she forces herself to be stern 'Jamie please, can you get off my leg. I'm trying to make the bed'

His limbs tighten. 'I wanna'

'I know you wan_t_ _to_, but I said no'

'You're so mean. Mummy and Daddy would let me'

Peyton rolls her eyes. 'I find it very hard to believe that your Mum and Dad would have been up for you jumping from the landing onto a trampoline. You'll break your neck'

He pouts.

'Besides how do you think you're going to get your trampoline inside?'

'The guys on tv took it apart and then rebuilt it inside'

Peyton grits her teeth together. She's not in the mood for this.

'Darling, it's not happening. We've got a couple of your uncle Luke's friends staying so you need to be good for me' She bends down and untangles his arms from around her leg, pulling him up to standing. 'Now, you can either play in your room for fifteen minutes before we have to leave for school or help me make your bed?'

He scuffs his feet on the floor. 'What friends, can I go see?'

'They're still in bed'

'I wanna go see'

'That's not an option right now is it? You can meet them when you get home from school. Now what's it going to be, play or make your bed?'

Jamie stomps his feet as he retreats to the other side of his room, sinking down to the floor and heavy handily pushing his trains around the train track.

Peyton bites her lip to disguise her amused smile and goes about quickly finishing the bed.

His mini strop is over with by the time she's done and he smiles with enthusiasm when she suggests he chooses a toy to take in for show and tell. She hovers in the doorway and watches him diplomatically line up his options, softly putting spiderman to one side as he informs the plastic figue that he got to go to the beach with them last week so it's only fair someone else gets a turn.

'Come downstairs when you've picked one okay honey?'

'Uhuh'

She smiles as she leaves him, grabbing the washing bin of dirty clothes on her way down the stairs.

She can hear voices coming from below. It feels strange. She didn't anticipate them being up. Thought she could escape without seeing them this morning. She's so use to being by herself or with just Luke and Jamie and now there's four adults under the same roof. Their presence fills her with unease for many reasons.

Her footsteps slow as she approaches the kitchen quietly.

She doesn't know why she's lingering. Why she's eavesdropping and sneaking about. Because that's essentially what she's doing. But she can't help it. Because the girls sultry voice has a knot formed tightly in her stomach and she's intrigued. Intrigued to know more about this woman because she's sure Lucas is keeping several things about their unexpected guests under wraps.

'Don't be boring Luke. Come on-'

'Get off me' She's never heard his voice quite like that. It's different. It's harsh and demanding. She doesn't breathe. She hears the slapping of feet as someone stumbles back on the tiled floor. 'I mean it Bevin just cool it okay?'

'You're no fun anymore. Stop playing house'

'I'm with Peyton. If you want to stay here you need to fucking stop. I mean it. I owe Skills. That's the only reason you're here right now. Understand?'

'Come on babe, you know you want to. You never say no'

She closes her eyes tight as she listens. Her mouth is suddenly dry and the washing basket in her arms feels like a tone of bricks.

'I promise I won't tell Miss perfect Luke-'

'Enough'

She shifts the basket on her hip and as she does so she angles herself so she can see around the half open door.

The sight of Bevin with her hands trying to crawl up her boyfriends chest makes her lose it and she drops the basket uncouthly onto the floor. Cursing both her klutzy ways and her blown cover.

'Peyton' Lucas steps away from the handsy blonde to assist her in gathering up the emptied contents of the basket.

'I...you don't need to do that'

He ignores her protests and takes the refilled basket to the table. 'Shouldn't you get going?'

'Jamie's just picking out a toy to take to school'

'Okay' He smiles and tugs her to him and he kisses her then and it's more than a little kiss goodbye. His tongue sweeps over her lips and he pulls her against him. Partly because he's worried she's overheard his conversation and he wants to distract her and partly because he wants to show Bevin that he means what he says; he's with Peyton and he's not interested in anyone but Peyton. 'I'll see you tonight' And then he's gone and she doesn't glance at their guest. She's cold and unwelcoming all of a sudden and as soon as she hears the pitter patter of tiny feet coming down the stairs she briskly exits to the hallway to avoid an introduction to the peroxide blonde. She can't get out of their quick enough and she's not sure she can come back here. Not until she gets answers. Because she has questions. One question in particular.

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She looks out of place here, with her pretty skirt and cream blouse and yet the old picture frames that are crookedly positioned on the wall emphasise how, in actual fact, this place is very much a part of her.

A large segment of her childhood memories took place here and the snapshots display just that; her seven year old self is pictured with a blonde mop of wild curls. She's wearing bright red wellies in a series of images that show her fishing with her father, playing on boats, splashing in rock pools.

She walks further through the doorway into the decent sized shed. The walls are wooden and the white paint is cracked and waring off in parts. The open door creeks with the gentle wind.

She relishes in these sounds. In the mixture of sea salt and varnish that lingers in the air.

He notes her before she does him and his brow furrows because as pleased as he is to see her, she's never come to see him here before.

She unconsciously licks her lips.

He's sweaty and he's got black oil stains on his arm and he wipes them on his t-shirt and it rides up and then she's swallowing thickly.

'Is everything okay?' His voice echos through the space between them.

She shivers and then she's looking at his face and she's expecting to see a smirk but he looks genuinely concerned.

'Sorry. Yeah. Fine, everything's fine'

'Oh' He relaxes and then that stupid smirk makes it's appearance and he's squinting at her. 'Just can't get enough of me hey?'

She rolls her eyes but navigates her way around the many obstacles to where he's standing at the bow of the boat.

He tells her to keep her distance because he's gross and oily but she ignores him and kisses him just the same.

'You're going to get dirt all over your pretty clothes' He murmurs, avoiding allowing his eager hands to go to her hips.

'Don't care' Her fingers interlock with his and she steps closer.

'Are you trying to get me in trouble with my boss? I don't think he'll be overly impressed if he walks in here to find me messing around with his little girl' his voice is deep and hums against her mouth.

'I'm not his little girl anymore' She playfully takes his bottom lip in her mouth and he groans.

He spins her around so her back is against the wall and she expects him to kiss her fully but he's suddenly cupping her face and just staring.

'Not that I'm enjoying this visit but, why're you really here?' He can tell she wants to ask him something. Her big green eyes look down.

'I...I was...I wanted...'

'Yes?'

She's silent. She feels stupid.

'Yes?'

'You've slept with her?' Her eyelashes flicker as she hesitantly looks back up into his face.

His hand leaves her face. She misses that hand. She watches as he closes his eyes.

He knew she'd overheard.

He doesn't know how this works though, he's not accustomed to relationships and the jealous girlfriend and to him the fact that he's slept with this girl and she's staying under the same roof isn't a big deal. Well it is but not for the reason she seemingly thinks it is, he can sense that she's not happy about their visitors.

He considers denying it. He thinks it might be easier that way. Easier than having this conversation.

'It's a pretty simple question Luke. Yes or no?' The vulnerability in her voice is gone, now it's all irritation and impatience.

He opens his eyes to see her insecure stare and he feels guilty even though he's sure he has nothing to be guilty for.

'Yes' He answers.

He sees her suck in a breath. Her nose twitches as she struggles to stay composed and then she's side stepping out of their intimate stance.

'Would've you told me if I hadn't just asked?' She wonders icily.

'Er...probably not'

'Why?'

'Because you're pissed off'

She glowers. 'I'm pissed off cause you didn't talk to me about it last night. How is this meant to work if we don't talk to each other? You could of said at any point after we went upstairs hey Peyton just a heads up my Ex is downstairs!'

'Why're you mad? It's not like I'm sleeping with her now. I'm with you' He's quick to state, shadowing her hasty steps.

His words go unheard. She walks the length of the boat, him trailing closely behind. She comes to an abrupt stop and he almost slams into her. 'How long did you go out?'

'Er...' He moves around her to see her face but she doesn't want to look at him and turns toward the boat instead. '...We didn't really go out...it was just more about the...'

'Right' She nods curtly. She gets the message loud and clear.

'Can you look at me please' He doesn't wait for her to respond, his fingers curling around her upper arm and effortlessly turning her back to face him.

'I just...I don't- she's horrible! You're attracted to that? Orange? Fake? Cause a little newsflash- I'm none of those things Luke!' The volume of her exclamation startles him. 'I'm none of those things'

He grabs her flailing hands.

'I know that...I love that' He sighs. 'Peyton, you're not like any of the other girls I've ever been with'

She blinks.

'Wonderful' She mutters. 'That makes me feel so special' She drawls.

'It should!' Now he's just confused.

'Why should it Lucas?' She snaps. 'You're telling me I'm not your type. And if that, if she is what is then we've got a huge problem because I can't be, I'm not-'

'Will you shut up' He shakes his head. 'I've not ever had a relationship. Not like this' He tries to explain. He suddenly cares so much about what she thinks of him. He doesn't want her to think badly of him. 'I wasn't interested' He avoids looking directly into her eyes. 'I wasn't interested because I've always seen it as a burden. If you don't care for anyone else you don't get hurt' He explains. 'But that's a load of shit. Because you make everything better.' He smiles sheepishly. 'No you're not like her, you're not like any of the other girls but I was just using them. You're smart and sarcastic and damn right opinionated and you're fucking beautiful and right now a little irrational' He states. 'I can't tell you a fucking thing about her Peyton but I, I know I don't say much, that I'm not always much of a talker but well, you're one subject I could probably talk about forever, I already think about you all the fucking time it's ridiculous.' He takes a much needed breath. 'All I know is I fucked her once upon a time. That's all it ever was. With you it's never that. You're the only person that it's never been just that'

He regards the frown on her face and then he's laughing.

She pouts. 'Why're you laughing?'

'I'm sorry. It's just, it's funny to me. You have absolutely no reason to be insecure.' He strokes her cheek. 'Don't you see that baby?'

'She just, she, she's everything I'm not Luke'

'And you're everything I want'

She closes her eyes, her cheeks are suddenly hot. 'God. I'm sorry. I'm such a psycho aren't I? I mean I'm acting like a jealous girlfriend'

'A little'

'I'm sorry' She shakes her head.

'Don't be. I kind of like it'

Her eyes open at that, one brow kinked. 'You like it?'

'Uhuh. Not that you feel threatened, just that well, you care that much is kind of nice'

His words make her feel a little less mortified.

'If that bimbo so much as touches you again I cannot be responsible for what I'll do'

He knows she's joking now and her eyes twinkle with glee as he laughs. 'Okay. You can do whatever you like. That's pretty hot'

'Just...' Despite her small smile her expression is suddenly insecure again. 'Just, just talk to me Luke...it doesn't matter what you've done...who you've done I'd just...I'd rather know than find out like I did this morning'

He nods once. He's about to pull her in for a kiss but Larry clearing his throat startles them both.

Peyton naturally takes a step back, separating herself from Lucas, her cheeks blushing a deep crimson as she surveys her father.

She wonders how much of their exchange he's overheard. She hopes not a lot.

'Daddy'

'You know darling, it really hurts; you never come down here to see me anymore but Lucas? You'll come down here for him' He's teasing her and she smiles.

'Actually, I was bringing you both lunch' She produces two brown paper bags from her handbag and on route to her father finds a shabby wooden stool to precariously balance the parcels upon before kissing her Larry's cheek in greeting. 'Hello'

'Hello honey'

He glances at a suddenly busy Lucas who has sheepishly returned to attending to the boat.

'Is everything okay kido?' He asks quietly.

She smiles. 'Dad I'm not a kid'

'You'll always be my kid' He disagrees.

She rests her head on his shoulder. 'Everything's fine'

'Yeah? Cause you know you can talk to me'

'I know'

'Everything's okay with you and Lucas?'

She looks up at him. She can hear the worry in his voice and wonders how much of their conversation he overheard.

'Dad I love him. I've never loved anyone and I feel, I feel like I might have what you have with Mum' She divulges quietly.

He watches her closely. Reads her.

When she was little she'd tell him every thought that fluttered behind her green irises but things changed as she grew.

He smiles. Because she's speaking nothing but the truth and he knows she's right, he can see it. In the way she holds herself, in her smile, in her laughter. He knows without a doubt that she has indeed got what he has and that makes him more than happy. He can die a happy man now, knowing that she's happy makes him feel complete.

'Well darling, that makes me happier than you'll ever know. I'm sure that whatever obstacles you and Lucas face you'll get past them' He's certain of that. Because since the day he met his wife he became an idealist, a romantic and he's relieved he's now got someone to watch over her carefully. It means he can relax. He can enjoy his daughter and not spend his time fretting over her.

'I hope so Dad' She really does, because she's not stupid. She knows this isn't going to be easy. It can't be. There's so many factors that complicates matters but like her father, there's a little thing deep inside her that believes, wills everything to be alright because surely love does conquer all.

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They're in her room. He made a point of taking them down to the pier when he finished work. Made a point of keeping her and Jamie away from the house because he's not sure how he feels about them being here, nor them being around her or Jamie, especially after their talk today.

Peyton caught on quickly that he was reluctant to go back and was quick to suggest they just stay at hers for the night.

He was unsure if that were a good idea either. Skills and Bevin left alone to their own devices in a house with many expensive possessions didn't exactly bode well with him. So they'd agreed. He'd stay for a while and go back, leaving her and Jamie for the night.

'You know that thing you said about us talking...'

They've just put Jamie to sleep and he's watching her change into bed attire.

'You have more ex whores staying?' She teases as her head reappears through the neck hole of her t-shirt.

He rolls his eyes and reaches for her, pinching her sides lightly as he pills her down onto the bed. She shrieks and falls back onto the bed, wriggling away from his reaching arms.

He loves her laugh. Loves that girly giggle so much so, that his hands can't help but to tickle her sides again.

She arches her back, her body straining to escape his fingers.

'Stop it!'

Her t-shirt- well his t-shirt that she seems to have claimed as her own and that drowns her body inadvertently rides up and he stops his tickling attack in favour of kissing the exposed skin above the waistband of her panties.

He rests his chins on her belly, his eyes are suddenly serious and her wide smile fades. 'What is it?'

He swallows.

'I need you to tell me what she told you'

She's still breathing heavily from laughing too much and it takes her a second to know what he's talking about.

'Karen?'

'Yeah...Karen' He watches his fingertip circle her belly button.

She wishes he'd stop because she's finding it hard to concentrate.

She licks her lips, covering his hand with her own.

His stare immediately drifts up to her face.

'O-Okay...'


End file.
